If you have a child with autism that can be violent..

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How do you feel when you find out they have attacked school staff? How do you respond?

I am a teaching assistant. I was playing in the garden with another staff member and four children who all have an autism or ADHD diagnosis.

The child I was playing with in the construction area is in year 4 and very articulate. We were conversing nicely, talking about his favourite cars. He then got up and walked off and before I stood up, he had gone behind me, picked up a large wooden log and cracked me hard over the head with it.

It caught me completely off guard and I did cry with the pain as I ran inside to seek first aid.

Curious to how you would respond if this was your child.

It isn’t.

Because that wasn’t what I wanted to know.

It was the reaction of the parent that I found so upsetting given I’ve gone above and beyond to help her previously. It was an awful work week and I wasn’t in my usual place of thinking maybe.

I am fully aware of the problems the school has and used to asking them for answers and getting nowhere.

We are all in a union and they were useless during the restructuring. Many people lost hours and money. The working day was extended and our lunch break shortened. They didn’t help at all.

I would be gutted and really concerned about you.

I would obviously apologise profusely.

I hope you’re ok, it’s an awful thing that happened to you 💐

I would feel terrible for you, deeply concerned for your wellbeing, but also very sad for myself (being a parent in these circumstances is distressing and utterly exhausting) and desperately worried for my son's future.

My son was prone to violent outbursts when he was younger. It was horrible getting those calls to say he'd hit someone or thrown something. We basically had zero tolerance for any behaviours. If he showed any aggressive behaviours he had to sit in his room for the rest of the day. He could have books or draw but no tv or toys. It was really hard in the beginning as he would just cry all day and try to leave the room. Eventually the behaviours stopped and he's a really calm child who stops and thinks before acting.

Im sorry that you were hurt op hope you are feeling better. I cant understand why you are getting these replies, the parents response was disgusting and there is no excuse for it . It sounds like the school situation is becoming unbearable maybe time to consider switching jobs

There were units , special schools and institutions in the 90s. Just because they weren't in your radar doesn't mean they weren't there.

School environment was different in the 90s and much less pressured and rigid to now

I have worked in schools. The issue is transitioning bears/toys are used to encourage kids into school but once In The classroom these are often removed from the child it this is not what the child or the plan states

Or children are shamed for having the adjustments or the adjustments aren't consistent or the child is threatened with the removal of x even through it is part of the access plan.
Imagine removing a wheelchair or a hearing aid being acceptable? But things needed by autistic children are often removed suddenly and unexpectedly

Years ago the curriculum was less pressured
There was less homework.

It was easier to remover the children seen as problems

I'm sorry you were hurt.

I wanted to comment on this child - or any autistic child - appearing 'articulate'. My child was (and remains) incredibly articulate, scoring in the 98th percentile for expressive language when tested at age 5. However, those same tests showed he was well below average in his receptive language, which was just one factor contributing to his extreme dysregulation as a young child.

He struggled to understand what people were saying. This was distressing to him.

His profile in this regard is pretty typical of a neurodivergent child.

Yawn it's not that simple.
My child (autistic) would have extreme behavior when younger (still now on occasions but in different ways).
These were almost always triggered from a place of anxiety (it took a long time to really understand). The harder we came down on them the firmer we were the more escalation of behaviour. Ie a minor behaviour issue being corrected would result in extreme damage to people and property
We have over time found effective ways to manage behavior (we do t always get it right) - but what is apparent now is despite how it may look to onlookers the trigger is almost always fear and anxiety.

But one thing I know in our situation is that shame over behaviour after the fact would only worsen their believe that they are bad and either cause them to give up and just increase poor decisions or they would become so self loathing they would self harm

Also, thinking of the mother's uncaring response - when DS was about 6 we just stopped going anywhere. DS couldn't go to school, due to his extreme distress, which was actually something of a relief, because then he couldn't have meltdowns there. We stopped going to parks. We weren't welcome even in 'inclusive' spaces. At times, I wished I wasn't here.

Still, at least, I could stop having to apologise all the time.

The mother is probably so burnt out, she just doesn't give a shit.

The right supports are life changing for an autistic child, and for their family. Everyone is safer, more supported, and more included.

This child is in the wrong environment.

I will answer this as my DS has many many such. For instance, I have a book of incidents that was kept by his nursery and incidents include him pouring buckets of cold water over other children and lots of hitting things and people, usually with objects

How I reacted was with severe embarrassment, anger towards DS ( which I deeply regret now), fear and anxiery for DSs future, constant anxiety about being contacted about DS every day he was at school, constant anxiety about being confronted aggressively by other parents, which happened more than once at the school gate. Loneliness and feelings of ostracise by other parents

I also met with the school regularly and we works together to reinforce things at home and at school DS did become considerably less impulsive and violent but not until around year 5 was it at a reasonable level.

. It took a very very long time to see consistent results . I am very very grateful to his primary shool as they did not give up on him and DH and I maintained an excellent relationship with them despite DS's often extreme behaviour and our extreme embarrassment about some of the incidents

The childish 4 years old !!!. He may be autistic but he can improve and develop.like any child. As he grows he may be able.to. learn to understand his own triggers have better impulse control

4 years change a lot before they become adults for.goodness sake . My DS is now 21 and still gets anxious ans has some behaviours that might be comsideed odd but he is never violent and hasn't been since he was at school.

I'm so sorry OP, that's awful. 💐 Have you been to the doctors? You have to be careful with head injuries they can be more serious than they first appear. The parent laughing in your face is appalling, they are probably facing violence themselves from their child and are under enormous stress but it's still a horrible way to react. It sounds like the school are badly failing both the staff and the children, children with that level of behavioural problems should really be 2:1 or in a special school or pru, but I know there aren't enough places. 😢

Year 4 not age 4, so he will be 8 or 9.

I actually checked this and we have way more SEN schools now than in the 90s. This is just a myth, sorry

What’s to say this child has SEN? I think it does SEN children a disservice to assume every child acting violently has SEN. The OP has said their behaviour is disruptive, but no diagnosed SEN.

A child in my family has violent outbursts, I have been punched, hit, bitten, scratched had my hair pulled out. I’m sorry to those who don’t feel the same but it does upset me and I do struggle to look past it. His Mum suffered a really violent attack and said she spent a few days struggling to be around him because she felt so upset. I don’t agree that because it’s a “child” you should be expected to move on. OP has been assaulted in what should be a safe environment, it’s totally valid if she feels shaken and upset.

He may not have, but there’s evidently something going on. Children don’t just hit people with logs.

There is always a reason for behaviour, it’s not just a thing that happens.

Surely you have to move on at some stage. In your example, his mum likely won’t avoid him forever. Children who show aggression in schools still need teaching and adult input. There’s a cut off point somewhere, even if it is different for each person?

I did say I was aware mine may be too high for others. I’m not scared of 8 year olds, I don’t take their behaviour personally or to heart, and when my son ran at me like a raging bull - it was just a Tuesday evening and once we’d dealt with it, we all moved on.

Good, surely.

Yes you do have to move on at some stage - but clearly at the time of posting this had just happened to OP so it is perfectly reasonable that she is upset by it.

the issue lies in that a lot of them have very strict entry criteria, and more applications than they can accommodate.

Where i am we have only one school that covers primary age, and it only allows in children with significant LD's.
There are two that cover secondary, one is again, for kids with significant LD's, the other is for children with Autism, who must have a diagnosis, and EHCP, and NO LD's. They only intake 10 students a year, from the entire area.. which has upwards of 10 secondary schools... so essentially out of each of these secondary's which take over 1000 students each, the school will take 1 student with ASD. I was told when DS went there in his yr7 (8 years ago), that there were 30 applications for every 1 space.. getting in is like a lottery of how bad their disability is.

OP has also said that the waiting list in her area to potentially get a diagnosis is 5 years so plenty of children with SEN in her area are going to be undiagnosed for years.

Maybe. Irrespective I disagree with posters who don’t think her feelings are valid in response to being assaulted/hurt.

You don’t need a diagnosis in order to meet the legal definition of SEN. This child meets that definition as it is set out the Children and Families Act 2014.

He clearly has SEMH needs at the very least.