If you have a child with autism that can be violent..

[Colouroutsidethelines]

How do you feel when you find out they have attacked school staff? How do you respond?

I am a teaching assistant. I was playing in the garden with another staff member and four children who all have an autism or ADHD diagnosis.

The child I was playing with in the construction area is in year 4 and very articulate. We were conversing nicely, talking about his favourite cars. He then got up and walked off and before I stood up, he had gone behind me, picked up a large wooden log and cracked me hard over the head with it.

It caught me completely off guard and I did cry with the pain as I ran inside to seek first aid.

Curious to how you would respond if this was your child.

But you are literally saying a parent of an autistic child has behaved inappropriately an inappropriate way to me? But then assuming she can’t be neurodivergent? Those two things don’t seem to match.

But the children are being frightened every day by what they are witnessing in their classroom.

She isn’t ND which is why her response was so alarming.

They’re in the library with you, aren’t they? I’m struggling to understand how they’re simultaneously not with their peers, and also frightening them.

Theres also a difference between advocating for adult staff to scare children and a child lashing out. One of them, is a child, who needs to be taught better. Most adults, certainly ones who work in schools, should know better.

But you just think that, despite having evidence she’s behaving in a socially inappropriate way. Autism is SO genetic. If she’s had an assessment and be found not to be I can understand your view, but otherwise it seems off.

I’m not talking about the 4 boys I work with. They have been deemed too disruptive to be in class all together, hence the unit.

Im talking about the rest of the school where half of the class present with SENd and the impact seeing violence has on the NT children.

I don’t want to give out any more identifying information in regards to the family. But they are well known to us and other agencies and have been for a long time.

My autistic child hates and is very fearful of violence too. So it’s not just NT dc who are impacted.

There isn’t a world where all ND children are removed from the education system. Not in the immediate future anyway.

Schools need to be better equipped to manage that, with staffing and funding, and resources, so that everyone can have a calmer environment.

I have said it’s ND and NT children being failed by the situation.

Despite what you might think, I’m not the bad guy here.

Sounds like potential trauma related responses from the child then.

I’m also unsurprised a family “known to other agencies” doesn’t have a typical response to instances like this. I’m sure in reality you weren’t either.

So you’ve acknowledged it’s a broken system. Why the focus on the parents then?

I feel like what ever I respond with will be the wrong answer.

I was physically and emotionally hurt by the whole situation. Im still glad it was me though and not another child. Because like I said, he doesn’t have known triggers or violence like this towards staff so there’s wasn’t a plan to follow. It was out of the blue.

I care deeply about all of the children I work with, but I’m only human, and allowed to feel sad that this is the new normal and to be “sucked up”.

@SleeplessInWherever. Not terrified fear of course not, but yes a bit of healthy wariness of the potential wrath of a teacher is no bad thing.
Then the other children can learn in a happier environment

I’ve not focused on the parents being at fault for the system?

I asked how people would respond, to gain some perspective about the situation and see if I was wrong to expect empathy. According to most on here, I was.

I didn’t mean that, I’ve just worked in education long enough to understand what “known to the school and others” means.

This child’s parent didn’t respond to you in the typical way, for reasons we both likely understand. They were probably never going to.

I wouldn’t suggest it’s the norm, but having worked with Autism and SEMH for a long time, before moving into professional services for SENd, you do just become a bit desensitised to it. I used to work with kids who threatened to burn my house down, and had they had my address - would have.

That’s why I’m not phased by or frightened of my son and his outbursts. I’ve seen and managed worse.

It’s not that your response is wrong, if that’s how you feel, it’s that others wouldn’t have it because they’re unfortunately less emotionally hurt by violence from children. You get used to it.

It genuinely is something to be “sucked up.” The educational landscape isn’t going to change any time soon, budgets aren’t going to magically improve, and more specialist provision won’t open overnight. Your school could be doing better by getting EHCPs etc in place, but you’re right - this is more common nowadays.

Our deprived and more challenging schools in terms of demographics are “worse hit,” there is an increase in challenging behaviour, mainstream schools aren’t set up to manage that particularly effectively, and those situations only lead to one place. Here.

I don’t know what you want to change, but in the very immediate future - I’m not sure it will. IMO what should change is mainstream schools should be better equipped to manage, and use strategies that are known to work in specialist.

My son, like many others, wouldn’t learn from a person he was wary of.

If he didn’t trust them, he wouldn’t be engaging. Wrath or no wrath.

And of course not to be afraid in terms of their work/ability to understand something

But yes … afraid of the consequences if they are violent

@Rainydayinlondon

What consequences do you think would work?

Many children aren’t afraid of adults, of being told off, of upsetting people, of losing friends, of exclusion.

What would you advise we do as a support staff? Like I say the SLT and Governors are useless, they also agreed to the staffing restructuring so we have no faith in them.

and how are they going to work if they are in an unsuitable setting with little or no support in the first place?

Consequences aren't going to magically make them cope in mainstream if their disability is preventing that.

Join a union, and tell them what you’ve told everyone else.

Those children aren’t being taught by anyone with QTS, at all, ever. Their behaviour is to the point that staff are injured. You don’t have the right ratio of staff for the needs of the children, so you’re at risk and frankly so are they. If you are teaching them, and completing planning and assessment, you shouldn’t be because you’re not a teacher. If you’re not, they’re not getting the education they’re entitled to.

If you don’t have TT training, or similar, request it.

Tell a union any and all of the above and I can nigh on guarantee they’ll help. OFSTED wouldn’t be impressed with any of the above either.

If nothing improves, leave. Work somewhere that has a different demographic, less percentage of SENd, perhaps less FSM so less vulnerability, and don’t work in an unofficial hub again.

OP I don’t have a disabled child. I have a close friend who does, whose son has bitten and hit teachers. He has done the same to her. When she tells me about it she is critical of the staff and can be exasperated eg “I told them to do/not do X, if they’d done as I said it wouldn’t have happened….what do they expect…I’m not grovelling”. She can appear to staff to minimise or dismiss and does use humour to do this.But what this hides is that she’s absolutely mortified that someone has been hurt by her son who she adores more than life itself. She acutely feels what the teacher has been through. What she fears most is that you will dislike or blame her son and she’s frightened that he will be treated less favourably. Her head knows this wouldn’t happen, but this is pure year on year fear, about the future as well, that one day he will be at the mercy of a world that doesn’t have her in it to protect him. I’m so sorry you were hurt OP. But please try and forgive the parent.

What I mean is- why isn’t your question- “what would you expect your school to do to support you”?

Probably because the teachers are too “nice”

I’m not sure because I’m not that kind of parent…but if there wasn’t this behaviour 30 years ago and teachers were scarier 30 years ago, maybe that’s the answer