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Original poster

What's the worst thing you've heard in a wedding speech?

324 replies

Jubblybub · 21/09/2025 21:45

Was reading the thread about the best man's speech upsetting people and it got me thinking of some of the awful wedding speeches Ive had to listen to.

My BIL's best man at his wedding to my sister was awful, he made anti-semitic and homophobic comments in his speech (my sister's godfather is Jewish and gay and there were a number of gay and Jewish guests), made sexual remarks about my sister and had a really weird part of his speech that he had pre-recorded for everyone to watch. I won't go into specifics because it would be very outing but that section alone was 20 minutes long. The whole speech was excruciating and had me seriously wondering why my BIL has a friend like this (BIL could not be more different) never mind why he would have wanted this one as his best man.

At another wedding I went to, the father of the bride actually said at the beginning of his speech, "the bridesmaids and flower girls are looking beautiful, I hope there's no pedos here..." He then went on to talk about the stag do in great detail, including a strip club visit and how he had never had the experience of being in a nightclub with bottles of Grey Goose on their private table being accosted by beautiful, half-naked women until he met the groom and this was just one of the reasons why he was so happy to welcome him into the family. At the same wedding the groom's speech included broken down costings of the entire wedding, "thank you to mum and dad for paying £5k for our photographer, thanks to gran for bride's 10k wedding dress, thanks to parents in law for spending £xk on the catering" which was really bizarre.

Any other stories of wild things said in wedding speeches?

OP posts:
Fedupbeingfat · 22/09/2025 12:07

Edited to say, I didn’t read title properly …. Didn’t read worst!!

When my eldest son got married, his brother was best man.

He started by saying That the groom made a speedy entrance to the world, so fast that he ripped his mums (me) fanny to bits and that explains why there is a large age gap between siblings.
Well , the room went into an absolute uproar of laughter and applause.

My son did run it past me if he could say this, and I too thought it was a hilarious way to start a speech.

PersistentRain · 22/09/2025 12:08

The problem is most people aren’t funny/good at public speaking. Really they should just say something short and nice but the expectation is for some hilarious speech.

DH was a best man, he pretended to hand out pictures of the groom at the stag do (they went to a strip club) and they went round the reception hall, but in fact they were copies of naked baby pics he’d gotten from the grooms mum. Groom was literally sweating, especially when his grandma was looking at them and laughing, that was funny.

JamieCannister · 22/09/2025 12:08

One of the worst I've seen involved the best man saying "we all know they've lived together for ages, but as is tradition the bride and groom did not share a bed last night" and then holding up a pair of pajama bottoms that he claimed were the groom's and which had a "cum stain" (toothpaste?) all over the crotch presumably to demonstrate that the groom had to sort himself out or alternatively had had a wet dream.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
bitterexwife · 22/09/2025 12:09

SapphireSeptember · 22/09/2025 11:13

How the fuck did he find his daughter trying to kill herself funny? The fuck is wrong with him? And to bring that up at her wedding? 😮 That's the worst one so far. Poor woman.

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I know. I was there as a plus one, had never met bride before, but felt terrible for her. Haven’t forgotten it nearly 20 years on.

DurinsBane · 22/09/2025 12:09

aold · 21/09/2025 22:01

“I hope this one works out” from the step dad
(marriage number 3 and bride was under 30)

Fair point 🤣

OVienna · 22/09/2025 12:10

IWasScaredToBeHeld · 21/09/2025 22:43

My dad, at his brothers second wedding.

“this wedding has been so emotional, even the cake is in tiers”. Cue everyone else groaning while he dissolved into floods of hysterical laughter and couldn’t finish the rest of his speech!

I love your dad.

DurinsBane · 22/09/2025 12:11

JDM625 · 21/09/2025 22:25

More cringe than horrendous:

-One best man talked on and on about old times with the groom, nights out pissed up and hints that there were either lots of woman in his past and/or possibly prostitutes!
-Another, when I was much younger, the best man asked all women in the crowd to hand back house keys to the grooms house. Multiple, single, young women got up and handed back keys. 😕

The second one is a classic. Takes planning to hand all the keys out to willing people beforehand!

DurinsBane · 22/09/2025 12:13

IWasScaredToBeHeld · 21/09/2025 22:43

My dad, at his brothers second wedding.

“this wedding has been so emotional, even the cake is in tiers”. Cue everyone else groaning while he dissolved into floods of hysterical laughter and couldn’t finish the rest of his speech!

Amazing dad joke!

JudgeJ · 22/09/2025 12:16

SpackelFrog · 21/09/2025 23:05

Father of the groom got the bride’s name wrong.

My late husband had 18 months to write his Father of the Bride speech and he started it on the Wednesday before the wedding. It was just bullet points which I took to mean reminders and he would speak more fully but No, he intended to read them as he'd written and nothing else. I took it in hand and on the day he was complimented on his speech by lots of people, those who knew us added No way you wrote that! Others complimented me on his speech.

Zippedydodah · 22/09/2025 12:18

The bride’s father said how he was glad his ex-wife had scrubbed up quite well for their daughter’s wedding, she usually looked like a tramp then proceeded to say when he first met the groom he thought he looked ok, then heard what his job was and thought that it was ok too but what clinched it was the groom drove a BMW. It was utterly cringeworthy.
The bride was 8 months pregnant and totally drunk by this time.
The marriage lasted 3 years.

Blueuggboots · 22/09/2025 12:19

Not a best man or father’s speech but the bridesmaid did a speech where she basically spent the whole thing telling the groom how much she loved his new wife….the bridesmaid is gay….😧🤔

DurinsBane · 22/09/2025 12:20

GlowWorm13 · 21/09/2025 23:49

When my dh’s cousin got married, the father of the bride rambled on and on about how the groom wasn’t the sort of man he had wanted his daughter to marry, however, over the years she had worked hard to get her husband in line and she had succeeded in moulding him into someone he could accept into his family. The room was absolutely silent, the groom’s family and friends had faces like thunder and everyone on the bride’s sat there exchanging wtf looks with each other. It was awful and I felt so sorry for the poor groom listening to this.

When my best friend got married, the best man gave a long speech, over half an hour long, talking about how everyone had always suspected the groom was gay and he then proceeded to give a long list of ‘for and against’ this suspicion of him being gay based on 20 years worth of “evidence”. It was beyond bizarre, and whilst everyone politely laughed for the first 5 minutes, once he really got going everyone went silent and there was not a single reaction to any “joke” he made for the next 25 minutes. It was excruciating and he just kept ploughing on in complete silence.

He also said hello to a whole bunch of guests who had travelled abroad to attend the wedding, left out the bride’s sister who had travelled a huge distance to be there, but what was even more horrendous was that he singled out the only black man in the room and said “we also need to say hello to our mate Token”. Everyone looked confused and he said “Token…you know token black man”. There were actually gasps when he said that and another friend of the groom shouted out “shut up, dickhead”. The guy who was targeted did laugh about it and gave a bow, but I didn’t see him again after the speech’s so I suspect he left early. As I’m sure you can imagine, the groom and his best man’s friendship ended shortly after the wedding. The groom and his wife are still going strong 15 years down the line.

If the black guy was a very close friend of the best man and the groom etc, and they knew he didn’t mind, that could be quite funny. Apart from that one reason though, totally out of order!

DurinsBane · 22/09/2025 12:21

BananaAndApple · 21/09/2025 23:58

Had a part-time job in a hotel that did weddings when at school, so I’ve seen more wedding speeches than most I’d guess.

The one that stands out was a really young couple, I believe they were 19. Best man made a game of “I have never”. For those who don’t know it’s an adaptation of a drinking game where everyone stands up, and the best man said “I have never” done something and if you had done that, you sit down. So, for example “I have never been to Spain” if you’ve been to Spain you sit down.

He engineered it so there were a handful left standing, including himself, the bride and groom and some others…. He then went with “I have never had a threesome with the bride” stayed standing, went to give the groom a high-five who suitably red and the BM was promptly kicked out of the wedding by the brides father.

If he stayed standing, that means he never has had a threesome with the bride then?

Curiossir · 22/09/2025 12:22

JDM625 · 21/09/2025 22:25

More cringe than horrendous:

-One best man talked on and on about old times with the groom, nights out pissed up and hints that there were either lots of woman in his past and/or possibly prostitutes!
-Another, when I was much younger, the best man asked all women in the crowd to hand back house keys to the grooms house. Multiple, single, young women got up and handed back keys. 😕

it's a classic best man joke- been done many times

ParmaVioletTea · 22/09/2025 12:27

aold · 21/09/2025 22:01

“I hope this one works out” from the step dad
(marriage number 3 and bride was under 30)

That was justified, to be fair.

Curiossir · 22/09/2025 12:27

Blokes generally pick their best mate(s) as best man, rather than pick them for their ability to deliver a speech- which is the way it should be. I find all best men speeches funny and touching- even the weird and awkward ones! I have seen many (it's part of a side hustle job I have).

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 22/09/2025 12:29

Calliopespa · 22/09/2025 11:27

I'm not getting this key thing. Surely if there were a genuine need to gather in keys they'd put a collection box in the hallway or something.

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It’s meant to be a joke. 🙄

StrugglingwithIvanhoe · 22/09/2025 12:29

"Well here's to (bride) and (groom): God knows how long it will last knowing (groom), but cheers!"

Calliopespa · 22/09/2025 12:30

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 22/09/2025 12:29

It’s meant to be a joke. 🙄

Show quote history

Yes, sorry we cleared that up above. I thought some posters were meaning it in a "you'll never guess what happened" tone and I was thinking it had to be a joke, but as I wasn't there I thought telling them they got it wrong was a bit off.

ETA I've never seen it done - but I'm sure in reality it's even more corny than it sounds.

Notmyreality · 22/09/2025 12:32

Fedupbeingfat · 22/09/2025 12:07

Edited to say, I didn’t read title properly …. Didn’t read worst!!

When my eldest son got married, his brother was best man.

He started by saying That the groom made a speedy entrance to the world, so fast that he ripped his mums (me) fanny to bits and that explains why there is a large age gap between siblings.
Well , the room went into an absolute uproar of laughter and applause.

My son did run it past me if he could say this, and I too thought it was a hilarious way to start a speech.

Edited

I guess you had to be there.

Hoppinggreen · 22/09/2025 12:37

Notmyreality · 22/09/2025 12:32

I guess you had to be there.

Show quote history

I am quite glad I wasn't

WearyAuldWumman · 22/09/2025 12:47

Snipples · 21/09/2025 22:47

Our best man was going to do the key thing but thankfully my maid of honor heard about it and stopped it. She couldn’t unfortunately stop him from telling everyone about the groom getting wasted and pissing on the best man’s doorstep years earlier - I thought that was horrible to do to DH on his wedding day. Best man also made a joke about us going on honeymoon to wales as groom allegedly said “he was going to Bang Her (Bangor) for a week” - big Irish wedding (best man was English) NOT the done thing here.

special prize goes to my FIL who said “bride is a strong woman, but sometimes strong people fall down” and we (as in all of grooms family) will be here for you when this goes wrong.

I couldn’t give them the wedding video as my face is a picture in the speeches

The best man made exactly the same joke at my nephew's wedding a few years ago.

The bride's father was a member of a very strict religion. I couldn't look in his direction.

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 22/09/2025 12:49

Nothing as terrible as some of these, but I went to a wedding where the MOH speech was just her recounting lots of very detailed stories about all of the times over the years that she had been hilarious/zany/whacky in the brides company. It was bizarre

Zhu · 22/09/2025 12:54

AffIt · 21/09/2025 22:58

Two stand out - one where the father of the bride essentially spent 45 mins banging on about the talents and virtues of the bride's SISTER and didn't mention the bride once, apart from her name at the beginning of the speech. It was utterly mortifying - the sister looked horribly embarrassed, the bride was clearly fighting back tears and the whole room was like 'WTF?'.

The second was the wedding of a friend who married a woman from a very, VERY wealthy family - Daddy had paid for everything and dictated the guest list, so the room was stuffed with his equally wealthy business cronies and the B&G had only been allowed to invite about 20 people between them. The FotB speech was an exercise in self-congratulation and it was really awful.

However, I have been to A LOT of weddings over the years and the vast majority have been brilliant, so these stand out in isolation!

I think I was at that wedding!

lowlight · 22/09/2025 12:58

My dad got married to the woman he had a long term affair with and left my mum for. His brother was best man and during the speech said what a great couple they were and what took them so long to tie the knot......
He was married your arsehole!!

Another moronic best man made a ridiculous comment about his speech being the most uncomfortable moment for the groom whilst the bride would have her most uncomfortable moment later that night....