Can you get me some Euthanasia tablets?

[OdeToTheNorthWestWind]

Just seen a slightly rattled friend, whose 88 year old mother made the request. After a bit of gentle questioning, she promised to buy her mum some Echinacea tablets to fend off winter bugs, the next time she is in town. 😄

What strange requests have you had?

A housebound relative in her late 80s once told me she’d had the doctor over and he’d given her antibiotics for her chlamydia… it turned out she had a case of cystitis. She couldn’t understand why we found it so funny!

When I worked in a pub years ago the landlord asked me to clean the dildo rail.

I assumed he meant 'dado'.

I was told my grandfather died of Physalis. Found out it was Syphilis!

My mum hosted a dinner party and time upon time offered people a bowl of syphilis! Some of which were even chocolate dipped.

Had a patient tell me , my wife has some of them bisexual glasses

a few years back was talking about cleaning the oven with an elderly neighbour. Neighbour said ohh have you tried that Clit bang its really good. they meant Cilit bang spray.

These are hilarious!

@Nevertrustacop 🤣

I used to have a customer who wanted to order orgasmic chicken feed. It took me a few seconds to realise he wanted organic.

"I'm going to have to get one of those dehumanising machines for the back bedroom," my friend told me.

This reminds me of a pub quiz some years ago.
Q. What is Botulism?
A. A micro-orgasm causing diarrhoea 😂

English is not my parents' first language. They are fluent, but used to make some funny mistakes. One of my favourites was when DM muddled up onions and bunions: bunion soup, anyone?

When I was volunteering in a bereavement organisation I had a client referral where it was stated that the client had spent their childhood in Barbados. The client had been in care in Barnardo's.

My mum letting me know she’s started pi-larts. She meant Pilates.

I remember being in a charity shop and overheard a woman asking how much the Big Boy was in the window. She actually meant the Tall Boy. Still makes me laugh 😃

My friend told me she was annoyed to find out that her neighbour had put a restraining order on the big tree in her front garden.
Another time she said her brother, who owned a farm, was diversifying and going into clamping.

My mum told us the doctor had prescribed P45 for her skin.

My great grandma could absolutely not remember that John Lennon's wife was called Yoko Ono and not Yokey Cokey. Made her rants about the Beatles splitting up even more hilarious, especially as she was still ranting about it shortly before died in 1979.

My elderly father asked the assistant in Boots for some crystal meth. He meant menthol crystals. Took a while to establish that!

My mum had seen an advert in a greengrocer's window and asked me what
Man Get Out were. I had to explain Mange tout.

Dad told me he'd been watching a woman on telly called Opera Winfrey.

Someone I used to work with told me she'd sold her bracelet to a porn shop.

Same friend who wanted the dehumanising machine: ordered a ham and cheese punani in Wetherspoons.

I have a vague memory of saying my ‘fruit is rape’ years ago. It didn’t sound right but nobody reacted. (English is not my first language.)
To this day I’m not sure if I said it wrong but I cringe remembering.

I also said lather boots instead of leather. I was just walking out of the office and someone complimented my boots and I had to give them the extra detail…
I’m sure I got many laughs behind my back. Would’ve preferred to be corrected though.

My friend's mum who was enjoying the brand of wine served at a wedding they were attending and asked my friend to get her another glass of that "sparkling Jonathan Creek".

I thought Pilates were called Pie Lates.
I had only ever seen the word written down, never spoken.

“Aren’t they penises in my front garden lovely?”, said my friend’s mum. She meant peonies! 🤣