Can you get me some Euthanasia tablets?

[OdeToTheNorthWestWind]

Just seen a slightly rattled friend, whose 88 year old mother made the request. After a bit of gentle questioning, she promised to buy her mum some Echinacea tablets to fend off winter bugs, the next time she is in town. 😄

What strange requests have you had?

My granddad asked for “one of them bipolar fleeces” to wear when walking his dog.

Worked in NHS rehab and once had the wife of an elderly patient ask if we could help get her husband out of the taxi they had travelled in; she was struggling due to his 'erection'. She meant his leg had gone into spasm and wouldn't bend. Another patient said his throat was full of 'sperm' when he meant sputum. 😬

Then there was the time I was talking to some American friends and had been drinking a lot of their wine and was trying to tell them about physalis berries and all I could say was syphilis berries. They were rather proper people and it was acutely embarrassing.

Reminds me of the time when my husband asked me "what are "shit take" mushrooms?" when looking at an online recipe. 😂

My now 19 Yr old Son came home from secondary school one day when he was 11 and told me that school now has 'those bisexual toilets'.
After thinking for a few seconds I said 'unisex toilets?' his reply was 'yeah, those too I guess'

Thank you all for your great posts. I just love the English language - especially when it is being strangled to such hilarious effect 😁

Sent a poster to the printers for a concert. They sent back Beethoven's Erotica Symphony '. We did wonder if we'd get a bigger audience than for the Eroica.

And reminds me of one of my boys (23 now) when he was in Year 4, excitedly telling me he’d learned about Dildos at school and was very confused when I couldn’t stop myself laughing (sorry mate).

He meant Dodo’s.

My DGM once told me there were awful things shown on VD. She meant TV, which she only had one to herself in her late 80s.

My bi friend came out to her mother, who said she’d always known she was ambidextrous …

I know someone who grows "queuecumbers" every year in their greenhouse 😀

Medical notes.

I noted a colleague had found a patient alert and arousable.

I've remembered another-

Used to work in a fancy bar and two ladies, over 60, got cheerfully tipsy and asked me for another "two glasses of the lovely Penis Gringo please dear"

And a chuck wagon who advertised cheese and "oinion" sandwiches on their chalkboard (this was about 30 years ago and the family still to this day refer to onions as "oy-nyuns")

Also, my parents used to host students over the summer. A young man from Argentina wanted to understand a word he heard almost daily. The word was ‘tarlouvre’. We couldn’t work it out. I asked what situations would he notice this word. He said in shops when he had paid. Eventually we got it, ‘ta love’.

My late mum went to a record shop to buy Sophie Alabasters latest ( they knew who she meant) Sophie Ellis Bextor

My 8 year old ds asking for a reach around (a huge with arms all the way around).

When my great grandma was in a home she swore blind that the midwife visited every Wednesday morning. She repeated this over several weeks, giving details about which people had seen the midwife that week and even having an appointment herself on a couple of occasions.
eventually we asked staff about it who told us that the chiropodist visited every Wednesday morning.

A lovely old man I used to work with was from Jamaica
we used to order fish and chips on a Friday and as I was on the phone ordering I shouted to him ‘do you want salt and vinegar’ and he shouted back with a chuckle ‘what did you just call me?!’ It took me a while to understand but when I did I couldn’t stop laughing. And now I can’t think about vinegar without thinking about him and laughing😂

I told my husband that my friend now had to sleep wearing a mask because he’d been diagnosed with sleep alopecia!!

I had a client once at work and the conversation went a bit like:

me: hi, is that dwarn-ay
client: it's dwane..

(spelt Duane)

just sat there for about 10 seconds of silence before I proceeded to let him know all calls are recorded for training and monitoring purposes..

My old boss once asked the whole office if anyone had “gone Columbo” before and the number of private detective jokes that followed were hilarious. One of my
workmates came in next day with a looking glass saying he was going Columbo for the first time and it was so silly but funny. I miss office banter.

Not quite the same but my son is two and currently telling everyone “I love bastards!” He loves fast cars.

A relative of DH calls it Bi-polo.

I’ve laughed out loud to all of these, what a great thread 🤣

My husband rang my mum to come over and watch my toddler because I was in labour with my second baby. He said "can you come quickly please because she's already 5 centimetres diluted".

Another friend piped up "I mastibated for the first time last night".
She meant meditated.