Page 4 | Can you get me some Euthanasia tablets?

MessageMystery · 10/09/2025 21:55

Notashamed13 · 10/09/2025 21:25

I know someone who grows "queuecumbers" every year in their greenhouse 😀

But cucumber and queuecumber is pronounced the same?

ADifferentDay · 10/09/2025 21:55

My old company had a massive computer fail in the machine room once, with potentially very serious data loss. The man in charge of the computer systems ran round the whole building talking to all the team managers. He intended to ask them when they last took a backup of their data, but actually was saying "when did you last take a dump?".

He wasn't a native speaker and they were all in creases by the time he was finished.

Carzycat · 10/09/2025 21:55

FIL used to talk about seeing the triad nurse at the surgery.

Someone at work sent an email “I apologise for any incontinence “

😂

zipadeedodah · 10/09/2025 21:56

MessageMystery · 10/09/2025 21:55

But cucumber and queuecumber is pronounced the same?

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I know. A bit like the porn/pawn comments.

Trabbling · 10/09/2025 22:00

TheShyMumX · 10/09/2025 21:43

A lovely old man I used to work with was from Jamaica
we used to order fish and chips on a Friday and as I was on the phone ordering I shouted to him ‘do you want salt and vinegar’ and he shouted back with a chuckle ‘what did you just call me?!’ It took me a while to understand but when I did I couldn’t stop laughing. And now I can’t think about vinegar without thinking about him and laughing😂

I don't get this - can someone explain pls?

ConnieClue · 10/09/2025 22:02

Back when I used to work in a pharmacy, I was once asked did we have any 'coleslaw cream'.

(In case it's not obvious, they were after some cream for a cold sore. 🥲)

KievLoverTwo · 10/09/2025 22:04

ChocolateCinderToffee · 10/09/2025 21:11

Then there was the time I was talking to some American friends and had been drinking a lot of their wine and was trying to tell them about physalis berries and all I could say was syphilis berries. They were rather proper people and it was acutely embarrassing.

i am sorry that i laughed hardest at this one.

It was them being "proper" that did it.

Were you mortified?

chucle chuckle

DiscouragingDiagnosis · 10/09/2025 22:04

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 10/09/2025 21:27

Medical notes.

I noted a colleague had found a patient alert and arousable.

Ah yes, 'patient asleep but easily aroused'. Night shifts will do that to your brain

CrownCoats · 10/09/2025 22:04

TheShyMumX · 10/09/2025 21:43

A lovely old man I used to work with was from Jamaica
we used to order fish and chips on a Friday and as I was on the phone ordering I shouted to him ‘do you want salt and vinegar’ and he shouted back with a chuckle ‘what did you just call me?!’ It took me a while to understand but when I did I couldn’t stop laughing. And now I can’t think about vinegar without thinking about him and laughing😂

You’re going to have to explain this.

MyDeftHedgehog · 10/09/2025 22:07

My Nan had a very posh Hyacinth Bucket type friend. Nan was always trying keep up with said friend.
She told "Hyacinth" that she was going to have her hair chauffeured. I was desperately trying to suppress laughter when I realised she meant "coiffeured" 😆😆

TheShyMumX · 10/09/2025 22:07

CrownCoats · 10/09/2025 22:04

You’re going to have to explain this.

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i can’t really…
break down vinegar into its 3 syllables and ignore the first syllable
he was making a joke about how I’d referred to him!

Agapornis · 10/09/2025 22:10

wintergolds · 10/09/2025 20:18

I have a vague memory of saying my ‘fruit is rape’ years ago. It didn’t sound right but nobody reacted. (English is not my first language.)
To this day I’m not sure if I said it wrong but I cringe remembering.

I also said lather boots instead of leather. I was just walking out of the office and someone complimented my boots and I had to give them the extra detail…
I’m sure I got many laughs behind my back. Would’ve preferred to be corrected though.

As a fellow migrant, I wouldn't worry about this or be embarrassed, people are so used to different accents and generally very understanding. Ripe/rape and leather/lather are pretty close to each other, I doubt people noticed.

The benefit of the English is that they're much too polite to say anything 😅 It sounds like you're from a culture where everyone is supposed to adhere to the standardised language? I quite like the flexibility of English compared to the main language of my country of origin.

Runnersandtoms · 10/09/2025 22:12

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 10/09/2025 20:49

Threads like this make me miss the laughing emoji reaction so badly!

When DS was a toddler, I was making sandwiches for him and DH. DS proudly told his daddy that they could have lunch after mama finished "raping the cheese". He meant grating 🙈

Edited

Funnily enough to grate in French is râper....

Agapornis · 10/09/2025 22:13

I'm kinda glad a few of us are not getting the apparent N-word joke 😬 (obviously that was that guy's own joke to make, but...)

BrunchBarBandit · 10/09/2025 22:15

i was adamant as a child that a sign near our house read ‘trespassers will be prostituted’. I drove my mum mad asking what prostituted meant but she would not tell me, so I kept asking her, and also any other adult I met 😳

Blondiney · 10/09/2025 22:16

Dad went to buy Mum her favourite perfume. He asked the lady on the Dior counter for, "a bottle of that Misty Door".

Blushingm · 10/09/2025 22:18

We had a patients wife who was having end of life care from Marie Curie carers - he kept referring to them as Mariah Carey…….as in Mariah Carey is due in half and hour or I had a good chat with Mariah Carey last night

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 10/09/2025 22:23

When I worked in a call centre they were pushing us sending reassurance texts.

This one day I had a banging migraine, and I was struggling cognitively. Words were getting muddled, and things weren't making sense.

A man rang to talk about his wife's mobile, I took her number, handled the query, sent my reassurance text. "Hope you've been satisfied with my cervix today".

I'd sent it before I realised what I'd done. I've long since left that job now but me and my mates still laugh about it.

Meant to say service. I hope their marriage survived.

ClawsandEffect · 10/09/2025 22:23

I once asked for a pint of shager landy in a pub. Didn't know I'd done it until the barman explained.

user1476613140 · 10/09/2025 22:24

gandeysflipflop · 10/09/2025 17:21

a few years back was talking about cleaning the oven with an elderly neighbour. Neighbour said ohh have you tried that Clit bang its really good. they meant Cilit bang spray.

DH has always called it Clit Bang. 🤣 I took a while to catch on...😆

KpopDemon · 10/09/2025 22:27

My little boy recently told me that some snake’s venom can be used to treat incest.

It turns out he misread he school book and it said “illness” not incest!

squashyhat · 10/09/2025 22:27

Back when the pumpkin and squash family of vegetables were fairly new to my part of the UK I saw a notice in a greengrocer's window advertising 'gawds' for sale.

Daygloboo · 10/09/2025 22:28

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 10/09/2025 16:20

Just seen a slightly rattled friend, whose 88 year old mother made the request. After a bit of gentle questioning, she promised to buy her mum some Echinacea tablets to fend off winter bugs, the next time she is in town. 😄

What strange requests have you had?

I know someone who calls upstanding people in the comminity ' the pillow of rhe comminity' instead if pillar

gandeysflipflop · 10/09/2025 22:29

user1476613140 · 10/09/2025 22:24

DH has always called it Clit Bang. 🤣 I took a while to catch on...😆

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I do now actually, have done ever since my neighbour said it. it always makes me laugh and reminds me of my now deceased neighbour.

CosyOpalMoose · 10/09/2025 22:29

On a hot sunny day an ex-girlfriend went up to an ice cream van and asked for a 69.