I dont understand why anyone would want children

[Careerchangeplease]

I'll preface this by saying I can sort of semi understand why people with lots of money and time and support etc would have a more enjoyable time having kids but for the 90% of the population, I dont understand why anyone would want to have kids and give themselves

• less sleep and rest
• more work
• more stress
• less money
• more worry/anxiety
• less free time
• less relaxation/leisure time

All the stuff that comes with pregnancy and birth, pain, bleeding, prolapses etc etc Not to mention all the shit things that are happening in the world, the fact that the kids will probably never be able to buy a house, cost of living is just getting worse etc Obviously each to their own and live and let live but am I missing something?

I agree with this.

This is such a beautiful response to this sad post.

Well, yes, I see loads of posts on here about entitled, selfish, grabbby adult children. Of course children a be a source of joy but they can also be a source of heartbreak.

Because a lot of people think a life filled with a type of love you haven’t experienced if you don’t have children trumps everything you have listed by a mile.

It’s not beautiful at all,it’s condescending and patronising.

Simply put, they're worth it. And the older you get, the more worth it they are.

You should elaborate - you think while they were growing up it felt worth it, but not once they were adults?

I do think there is a risk for women that they give everything up for their children and then when they fly the nest they aren’t sure of their purpose. But - I think that is something people are more aware of now, and so many women have their own careers etc.

Wanting or not wanting children cannot really be compared with wanting or not wanting to do a hobby or keep a pet. Children consume huge amounts of resources. Until they are old enough to work and contribute to the community they are really passengers.

These resources have to be paid for and contributed to by groups who have chosen another lifestyle and get nothing back in return. Child benefit, maternity pay, free childcare hours, free school meals. The list seems to be endless. The taxes of those who are childfree contribute to all these subs and handouts. Yet they get little back in return. Not even acknowledgement or gratitude from parents whose offspring soak up the resources.

25% off council tax does not begin to compensate for the fact that a single childfree householder can be heavily subsidising the family next door in a similar house. Add to this that single childfree people have a much lower carbon footprint. Until they are adult and take responsibility for themselves the carbon footprint of their children needs to be added to the parent/s who bore them.

People in families with children are unlikely to me net contributers.

I couldn”t have kids. I’m not lonely.

As a mom of 2 young children i would like to start by saying you do make some good points about cost of living crisis, less free time etc. However people, myself included, had children because I wanted them. I planned them.....my children weren't mistakes. My children are becoming little versions of us and it's great to see. It's rewarding knowing that all my time and effort bringing them up is going to shape who they become. My oldest has just started school and his teacher told me that he's really confident and can do things far beyond his age and yes ill say that's because of me. I invest my time into his education. Yes it's all so tiring, I have a 6 month old baby too so alone time rarely happens. I think though for you to say that children are being bought up into a world where they will never get a mortgage etc is for no one to say.....the world sucks right now yes but who are we to predict our children's futures. Putting them on the right path and guiding them will help them to excel in life. If you focus too much on "it's stressful, you get no free time" etc then parenting isn't for you. This has been the hardest thing I've done but the most rewarding.

I was happily childfree and uninterested in having children till I finished a big project when I’d just turned 39 and didn’t want to start another one immediately, was contemplating a change of scene professionally, and was senior enough to be able to take time out without it compromising my career. Then I thought it might be interesting to have a child, but wasn’t that bothered if it happened or not, tbh. Conceived first month, and DS is now 13. It was a good decision I’ve never regretted, albeit a completely out of character one, but it’s been a lovely addition to an already good life. I know I would just have been differently happy if I hadn’t had him. Parenthood has actually been far more interesting than it looked from the outside, but I absolutely get why someone would think it looks unappealing.

Maybe I'm just naturally pessimistic but our lives are surely filled with a type of fear that childless people will never know. That's what creates a barrier between those with children and those without.

Bear in mind, this is an autistic viewpoint and I have two autistic children. I'm quite logical although I am also very caring and sentimental.

That’s not how I experience parenthood at all.

Why is it a shame? Some of us just don't have a biological urge to reproduce, it is what it is and we're more than ok with it. I wouldn't have been a good mother, I have enough self awareness to know that about myself so I chose to be child free.

Well i will put one comment on here .
I have no children or family .
I live on my own 69 years old.
Never ever wanted kids, my sister had 3 that lived with us at various times.
That alone put me off for life.‼️

Now, i am happy , not bored , have the life i want and nobody to bother me
I do what i like , when i like .
I am certainly not lonely , i have enough to fulfil my life as i want it .
I cant say i am keen on kids at all .
I see my cousin and her kids 3 times a year for a couple of hours and that is plenty , luckily they are very well behaved .
I dont crave company , in fact i prefer my own company and thats from my,perspective .

My youngest son 22 has had a relationship break up and has been in tears this morning. I have been hugging and reassuring him you are always a mum however old they are, my son has helped me through some difficult times (not relationship) and it's lovely to have people who really get each other, all my hard work, time,effort and sacrifices have more than paid off. My kids are valuable contributors to society.

Thank you, I thought twice about posting as I didn't want to upset anyone who couldn't have children but wanted them. I see no reason why mothers should keep quiet about how much we love being mothers though.
It really is indescribable.
Before having my children I couldn't imagine it, but I could see from my own family, aunts uncles and cousins, how amazing it would be.
I am not glossing over sleepless nights etc but they really are such a small part of it all.
We can be proud of our jobs and lives but even prouder of being mums, I know I am.

But it doesn't last forever or even that long in the scheme of things. Personally the fulfillment my kids bring me outweighs the workload most of the time. It's a sense of togetherness and family which I didn't really have myself growing up but was very much aware that I wanted.

My DC are early teens to early 20's now. Things are quite tough through financially supporting them and being a constant taxi service (so money and time) but it will only be for the next 5 years. After that we'll be much better off on those fronts and we'll have deep rooted family connections which give me so much pleasure. I love it when we're all together and my older DC bring their partners etc.

I have a lovely friend who has just turned 60. For a variety of reasons, she never had children and sadly her husband died when she was in her late 30's. She has never remarried, both her parents have now passed away and whilst she has a sibling and a broad social network, she is very lonely. Her sibling has his "own family" (her words), as do her friends, and she knows that she's no-ones priority and sadly that's true. Whilst that wasn't a conscious thought process in my decision making to have kids, a sense of belonging definitely was.

I'm with you, OP. I don't get the appeal of children and have no idea why anyone would want to have any. I love being able to work part-time (DH does too) and having so much free time to do whatever I please. We don't struggle for money, we're not run ragged and we sleep peacefully every night.

Nothing about children makes me want to give that up

@Ilfurfante you say "it won't last forever" but there's no guarantee of that. You could have a child that's severely mentally or physically disabled and dependant on you until the day you die.

It's a personal decision that depends on individual circumstances. If you feel the cons outweigh the pros, then don't have children. If you feel it's the opposite, then do have children.

Absolutely, OP.
Could not understand this since the age 13.
Now 45, remaining child free was and still is the best decision I have made for my own life.
👍

I did not have a good mother in many ways either .
No hugs after being about 10 .
Being told i was fat and ugly and for many years into my 40s , she told me many, many times she wishes she would have had an abortion and never had me .
My sister left home around 17 to a live in job as a nurse.
My brother was perfect, all my mother cared about . He was worshipped.
Consequently , when my dad died 46 years ago, he took his place .
They lived together all their lives u til she died at 86.
He was heartbroken and didnt live that much longer , maybe 7-7 years , but he did have serious health issues that got worse after she died as he turned more to drinking

But I don't. And whilst those circumstances may change (hopefully not) we would deal with it accordingly.

If everyone's lives were dictated solely on "what if's", we'd never do anything.

I had so much fun with my kids when they were growing up and love their company now they're adults, the pluses outshine the minuses for me anyway but each to their own, no one is forcing you to procreate! 😂