I dont understand why anyone would want children

[Careerchangeplease]

I'll preface this by saying I can sort of semi understand why people with lots of money and time and support etc would have a more enjoyable time having kids but for the 90% of the population, I dont understand why anyone would want to have kids and give themselves

• less sleep and rest
• more work
• more stress
• less money
• more worry/anxiety
• less free time
• less relaxation/leisure time

All the stuff that comes with pregnancy and birth, pain, bleeding, prolapses etc etc Not to mention all the shit things that are happening in the world, the fact that the kids will probably never be able to buy a house, cost of living is just getting worse etc Obviously each to their own and live and let live but am I missing something?

Are you ND?

I do accept that people are different, its been an interesting discussion which was my aim. Its been interesting to learn about other people's points of view about having children.

Nope!

Why would anyone bother doing anything? For us the pros outweighed the cons. I get a massive amount of satisfaction out of raising our child, more than I ever did from my job. Which is weird because I loved work and was a complete workaholic.

To be honest I didn't have a biological urge to reproduce until my late 30s, so I can see both sides, I meant a shame in the context of that's what we mammals are programmed to do and if one for whatever reason decides not to (or sadly can't) then their part in human evolution comes to an end in terms of their genetic line. I meant no offence though, I am very much of a live and let live mindset but the OP asked a question, and I answered it from my personal point of view, which is kind of the point of these types of chat forums.

So mumsnetters without kids....so not mums then

Very confused about it🥴

Well I have four (now adult) children. It was indeed, exhausting, and money draining (still is at times!) But the highs outweighed,and still outweigh the lows in every single way.
We still had holidays... just cheap ones. We still got sleep... just broken. We survived and got to watch tiny bloblike humans turn into real people with all the highs and lows that that entails. And now have four fabulous capable, wonderful people who I love and love me and for whom I would take a bullet. The love you have for your children is so impossible to describe but it outranks money, sleep, holidays... and when they are grown you get most of those again anyway.

Even logically they do make sense... birth rates have dropped, we need children to be the next generation of tax payers, and while I really hope not to be a burden to any of mine in my old age, I kind of hope that they will keep an eye on my welfare :)

Ok, I do find it bizarre that you can't understand why people would have children then. Lots of people make tons of different life choices than I would, but I'm not them.

Can you understand why an athlete would train their body so much it causes pain in order to win a competition?

To be honest I didn't have a biological urge to reproduce until my late 30s, so I can see both sides, I meant a shame in the context of that's what we mammals are programmed to do and if one for whatever reason decides not to (or sadly can't) then their part in human evolution comes to an end in terms of their genetic line.

Why does that matter in the greater scheme of things though? Why is it a shame?

I love having kids, it has been the most rewarding adventure of my life. From newborn to newly minted adults, I've relished it all.

I can understand how others wouldn't enjoy it though. I guess we're all different.

Well not for you but people have different assessments.
Things can be both hard and rewarding.

I had easy pregnancies, birth, healthy children. I find my children really fun company and I love being connected to the next generation. It love how it changes too as they grow. Yes there are worries and care etc but for me positive outweighs the hard. For me, my life in a family is a way more fun and interesting than as a solo person or even a couple.

It’s so strange to me that you can’t understand that for some people it absolutely does outweigh everything you have said by a mile! I hate travelling, I hate flying, I have no desire to see the world. It seems like a waste of money to me and a huge hassle, and not worth it. Doesn’t mean I can’t understand that other people don’t feel that way about it!

I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want children. We’ve had the best holidays, the most fun, yeh they cost a fortune but after just spending an amazing day at our final child’s wedding I wouldn’t be without them. I have grandchildren now too, life is just one great adventure. We are all close, spend holidays together, enjoy meals out, shared bottles of wine, parties.

Horses for courses, I could just as easily have done it all without them and spent my final years rich and alone, but we chose not to.

You do you, we will do us, and I genuinely hope you never have regrets. I won’t.

I have always loved babies and being around small children, long before I was a mother. In terms of lack of sleep it has got to be one of the best ways to snuggle with a gorgeous breast fed baby in the middle of the night. My 2 are grown now and I still get sad that I will never have the high that comes from physically caring for and being emotionally attuned to a very young child again, unless I am lucky enough to have grand children. All the lie-ins or exotic holidays in the world just doesn't come close. But that's me.

The thing I love about children/ young people whether I own them or not is that they see the world afresh and stop me sinking into a bored cynicism with the world.

They take effort and are tiring. My own cost me money. Some I deal with for free. Some I get paid to deal with. But they are worth it.
I pass something on through society. Mostly positive.
It stops me being in a bubble of my own age group, and makes my life more intergenerational.

I could write a list of negative reasons about why I don't want a dog. But if I did have one, the companionship would outweigh the logistical inconveniences and emotion would win.

My child will never be wealthy. You’re confusing money with wealth.

(I won’t derail the thread but stop thinking about the 1% and have a look at what the top 0.01% have got. I’m not being silly, I promise you.)

While I am very happy to sleep well again, I do miss the snuggly baby sensation. There was a lot of depth to it. Even at 3am when the alarm will go off at 6:45 for work.

I'm not repeating it now I'm at the teenagers stage though!

The world is at its richest that has ever been for the ordinary guy....your house ownership, cost of living etc concerns are not reality based. Also the welfare state is not disappearing yet.

but also people pro-create because this is an instinct embedded much deeper than just logical choices. All my friends, class mates etc were the same as me, aching to grow up, get married and have kids. Aching. Only one was against it, she fell pregnant, could not find abortion not criminal and had the baby, left for work abroad afterwards and in the care of his father and the grandparents but never denied the child. Would send money etc

Well you say that, now I actually miss driving them home from teenage partys, making sure everyone got home ok, listening to them giggling and gossiping in the back, stopping at Mc Donald's drive through. Maybe I am just a very sad and boring person.

I think I found a kind of love I didn't know existed. I didn't have an easy childhood. It has been incredibly hard. But I get so much happiness from my dc. I think mine will make a reasonably good living and find homes. I hope to have gc one day and be part of a family if my dc are that way inclined. I was never very maternal but just decided to go for it.

After 6 pages, I don't suppose you will understand, OP.

I think it’s more of an emotional/instinctual feeling/desire that some women have and some do not.

Actually, if you ask some mums to be who already have a child, they know what they are in for and whilst probably very excited to have tiny newborn again, some are excited to see out the baby days and look forward to the future of having a family with older children (when you get more sleep, no tantrums, no nappies etc etc). Having a baby/toddler is HARD but most women (unless first baby) don’t go into pro creating just to have a baby.. it’s to have a family that grows and evolves and essentially becomes your livelihood.

Your points are more based on babies and toddlers behaviour - they are valid, but not worth disregarding ever having children over.

Back to your very weak point why poorer people would procreate. Because it is love, from love, for love, through love and for love. Also makes me sorry for you, you really must ache for love and offspring

@atinydropofcherrysherry perfectly put

You are so naive if you think every baby is born into a loving relationship where it is wanted.