I dont understand why anyone would want children

[Careerchangeplease]

I'll preface this by saying I can sort of semi understand why people with lots of money and time and support etc would have a more enjoyable time having kids but for the 90% of the population, I dont understand why anyone would want to have kids and give themselves

• less sleep and rest
• more work
• more stress
• less money
• more worry/anxiety
• less free time
• less relaxation/leisure time

All the stuff that comes with pregnancy and birth, pain, bleeding, prolapses etc etc Not to mention all the shit things that are happening in the world, the fact that the kids will probably never be able to buy a house, cost of living is just getting worse etc Obviously each to their own and live and let live but am I missing something?

I do think it’s why some people have them though, so they can say they’ve achieved something.

They definitely did not. However it’s the lyrics I like. And the song. Not the characters!

I'm not sure your OP reads as genuine but I'll answer it anyway. For the vast majority of women, having children is a natural instinct and want. It's a primal need and want that can't just be switched off. For some women, the minority who don't want children, that urge isn't there. All of the negatives you've listed don't compare to the natural instinct and want. As somebody suffering infertility, all of those negative points listed don't even come close to the overwhelming need to became pregnant and have baby. I would love to have less time, less energy, less money etc.. and I'd give everything away today if I could press a button and become pregnant.

I think that these days, every single aspect of 'parenting' (which didn't used to be a verb!) is analysed in the extreme.
There is so much information about so many things from the moment you give birth.
It's always hard to know whether you're doing the right thing for your children and you're always on a guilt trip!

Given this, it really doesn't surprise me that many people decide it's not for them.

Before I had my 2 children, life was on an even keel, but a little boring. Since having them (now teens), there have been many highs and lows, but I wouldn't ever want to swap that.

I am sure having children was easier in some ways in 70s and 80s, when I grew up. Fewer aspects were questioned and over-thought. People just got on with things I guess.

Please don't spout this utter nonsense! I am yet to have children due to infertility. I am certainly emotionally mature. I've lost 3 pregnancies and dealt with all the shit that come with that. You think I'm emotionally immature? It's a tired trope and women like me are sick of hearing it.

I don’t have children but my understanding is that it’s sort of a ‘primal’ urge for some people. So not based on logic. If it were solely based on logic then I suspect far fewer people would have children.

The thing I find very puzzling is having lots of children. Surely one satisfies the biological urge with one or two children. But 3, 4, 5 children is just putting all your children at a disadvantage as the parents (and the family resources in general) are spread thinner and thinner. I am one of 4 and it was carnage growing up. I envy my only-child friends and DP who is also an only.

But each to their own, of course.

I love the trips to museums and theme parks, Christmas, etc

You know you can do all of these things without children, right?

Indeed. No kids here, I LOVE Christmas and enjoy it much more as an adult than I did as a child surrounded by other children. Adult-only Christmases are fabulous! I’m also going to Orlando in November. 😁 Ironically the only thing I’m worried about is children ruining the experience 😅 but I am hoping travelling outside the school holidays will help with that.

Despite being happily child free, I can imagine perfectly well why someone might want them. My friends take great joy and pride in their children. Equally, I see how life is for them, all the highs and lows they endure, and I have not one twinge of regret or envy. Just wired differently. We don’t all want the same things.

All the OP says is true but I love my 2 kids and having them has been the best part of my life and I am so proud of them. And the joy and happiness they bring, and the fun and laughter, the different ways of looking at things a new generation has, has been, for me, worth all the increased costs and worries.

Yup and then of course the accidental parents also! Logic doesn’t stand a chance much of the time 😅

In addition to the primal urge, and perhaps an even greater force, is the societal imperative. Especially for women.

Are you a glass half empty kinda person? This list is all negative. In fact, if you took something most people would agree is positive (winning the lottery for example) you can always come up with negatives:

• don't know where to spend all the money
• the extra stress and burden of being overly wealthy in terms of managing the money
• family coming out of the woodwork and having to manage their pressure to give them money and their expectations
• having spoiled children
• pressure from charities or good causes and where to spend your time
• etc etc etc (you get the point)

So you have listed a lot of functional/operational aspects but nothing about knowing the love of a child or loving something more than yourself or that you ever knew you could. The absolute joy in their happiness, successes and relationships. When kids are very young, yeah there is less sleep and rest but when they are older this isn't normally true.

Less relaxing time or leisure time? Well I spend my time watching my kids do what they love and that is worth all of the negative things on your list combined.

You could argue your list applies to being in a relationship too, so again if the relationship is positive there is so much more to it than that.

Is is hard to have kids, yeah it is but I wouldn't trade my kids for anything including the opposite of your negative list. I would do it again in a heartbeat knowing what I know now.

I don't want kids but I can see why people do. It's nice to extend your family, to me. I just don't have the urge and I'm not in the situation to even if I did want that.

I love my adult only Christmases, and my adult only holidays too. Christmases with young children seem stressful to me, parents seem to have to invest so much in making them magical and perfect.

My children are both secondary school age. The times of less sleep/ no time to myself etc are long gone. I absolutely love raising my children, the nice times far outweigh any bad ones. I enjoyed them when they were little, and now they are older they are great company, I love being around them. I completely understand that some people don’t want kids and other uses of their time or money appeal to them more but for me, I wouldn’t want to do life without them.

There are all the negatives that you listed but there are also lots of positives of having kids; the joy that they bring you, making a family (although I'm aware that their are lots of other family structures that don't involve having children), producing a legacy, along with the biological urge to reproduce.

Because they are the best thing ever happens to you and the love of your life.

I thought so, thats why I posted it there

@Careerchangeplease Is it just the choice to have children you don't understand, or do you struggle to understand other people's life choices when they differ from your own? Genuine question.

For me, Christmas is stressful in the run up, ie getting all the presents, wrapping, organising Christmas dinner etc, but I didn't realise how happy it would make me watching my DC's delight on the big day, the excitement of the night before then their faces opening their gifts and the joy of watching them just enjoy the day. Although an Orlando Christmas does sound fabulous also!

I dont struggle to understand other people's life choices when they differ from my own,
I dont understand why people would want to have children with everything I have said plus much more. The counter points people have given about how much you love them etc still dont outweigh anything I've talked about

For you they don’t, but for other people they do. You really should try to just accept that people are different.

You see for me I just dont see why I'd have a child in order to appreciate being able to eat a meal or have two hands to do something with

No fecking clue. It seemed like a good idea at the time. In my defence, my child is recycled so would have been experiencing this heinous world regardless of whether I was his parent or not. What possessed me to do it as a lone parent I have no bleedin’ clue. I plead ignorance of the reality of truly lone parenting a child.

On the other hand - more joy than I could possibly have imagined.