I dont understand why anyone would want children

[Careerchangeplease]

I'll preface this by saying I can sort of semi understand why people with lots of money and time and support etc would have a more enjoyable time having kids but for the 90% of the population, I dont understand why anyone would want to have kids and give themselves

• less sleep and rest
• more work
• more stress
• less money
• more worry/anxiety
• less free time
• less relaxation/leisure time

All the stuff that comes with pregnancy and birth, pain, bleeding, prolapses etc etc Not to mention all the shit things that are happening in the world, the fact that the kids will probably never be able to buy a house, cost of living is just getting worse etc Obviously each to their own and live and let live but am I missing something?

Wow, you must really lack imagination.

I love being a mother, but I can completely understand why other people wouldn't! Same In answer to your points:

less sleep and rest - the thought of wasting my life sleeping bores me to tears. The broken sleep is only for a short time.

more work - yes, there's a certain amount admin, but that applies to anything, even booking and going on holidays.

more stress - all relationships come with an element of stress, that's the flip side of loving someone

less money - you mean disposable income? True, I no longer spend loads on going out to nice restaurants and don't fritter money like I used to, but I don't really miss it.

more worry/anxiety - I don't feel worry or anxiety

less free time - I have the same amount of free time, it's just spent doing different things

less relaxation/leisure time - same above

It's just a case of differing priorities and enjoyment in life.

Without kids you never fully emotionally mature.

But not everyone wants to do that, and your list of reasons helps to explain why birth rates are so low.

Did you know you weren’t on the same page re children before you committed to each other? Genuinely curious.

Absolute bollocks. Are you a fan of Jordan Peterson by any chance? That’s the sort of rubbish he comes out with.

What nonsense. Emotional maturity can involve, among other things, not sleepwalking into making permanently life-altering decisions like having a child, when you know perfectly well it wouldn’t suit you. And I’ve met parents I wouldn’t leave in charge of a goldfish.

I disagree. Because honestly a lot of people's answers will be that the positives hugely outweigh the negatives OP listed and that there is no other love like the love you have for your children.

Before I had children I obviously knew I'd love them. I love DH and my parents and my siblings etc dearly. But the love I have for my DDs is on a whole other level that I couldn't comprehend until I had them.

But that's a majorly shitty thing to say when it was on a board for people without children.....many of whom would have dearly loved to have them.

Absolute bollocks. I know dozens of emotionally volatile and immature women with children. We all do! My childfree friends in their 40s are among the most developed and well adjusted people I know.

To be fair the posts on mumsnet over the years absolutely solidified my childfree stance. The amount of crap from male partners and unruly kids mothers put up with absolutely boggles my mind. The day in, day out of child raising doesn't interest me at all. No amount of cute moments would make up for the grunt work and drudgery for me. And yes I understand everyone has different tolerances.

I think it's good the flip side of motherhood is available for all to see. Our mothers of the past didn't have that warning, choice or contraception.

I found mumsnet on Google search results to an inane question years ago. I was late twenties and on the fence about kids. I stayed for the "cried at the cistine chapel" and "snapped and farted" threads. You lot are hilarious.

Meh, I have a dog and a cat and love meeting dogs in pubs but I understand that others don't. I love teaching but I know that being a teacher is horrifying to others. I also don't want to have my own children but I get that others do. To each their own, eh?

I have friends with children and without children. They’re all good people, mature and well adjusted. It’s just as ridiculous to say that the ones without children are in some way better, as it is to say that the ones with children children are. People are individuals. Some are more mature, stable etc than others and I don’t think whether they have children or not has much to do with it.

Terrific song but I don't think either Hamilton or Burr did a lot of parenting!

But I’m clearly not saying that. I’m just saying the opposite isn’t true.

It sounds a bit like they gave you something to do with your life?

Many people feel that children are their greatest achievement. No matter how much of a failure you have been you can still point to parenthood as the ultimate achievement.

I don't mean this to sound as awful as it does. I hope you get what I mean. I just wonder, is life that boring in general? is having children the only thing that makes it interesting?

Evidence also shows that happiness decreases when children arrive and increases when they leave.

I used to have a well paid career, staying in 5 star hotels, eating in fancy restaurants and flying round the world. I wore posh suits and had designer handbags. One year DH and I went on 13 weekends away, and holidays.

Then I found I had fertility issues and I was devastated. Eventually after 3 years I got pregnant and had my first child.

Nothing I’ve ever done, or will do, will come close to how I feel about my kids. Nothing material, no holiday, no friendship is anything like it. Even last night we all lay on our massive sofa and watched the telly and I thought how lovely it was.

If I’m really lucky I’ll get another taste of it if/ when my DC have kids and they let me help.

Because we make choices based on emotions and desires, not always just based on what is logical.

Having a child has definitively ruined my life as I knew it, ruined my body permanently and ruined my marriage. I am fat, in pain, sad and overworked. I used to be fun and happy.

I still love my child and I wouldn't go back and change it. It makes no sense.

is that to do with companionship and can that level of companionship only be achieved through having children?

Sooo... why are you on MN then?
I mean, obviously you're very welcome, but the general running theme in the idea of MN is parenting.

Just wondering..?

I don't think that's a good reason for anyone to have a child to be fair. Being a mother can be an incredibly rewarding and profound experience, but the only reason you should be choosing to bring children into the world because you truly want to be a parent, and are going in eyes wide open, aware and ready for the challenges and sacrifices ahead.

I don't mean to come off judgemental, but I find it slightly concerning reading how many people are out there having kids because "it's the done thing" "their friends had them" "they want someone to ook after them when they're old" "they wanted a purpose in life" - glad it seems to have worked out positively for most, but damn that's a huge risk to take 😬

There’s also research that shows children bring joy, meaning and emotional reward.

Yes, it’s weird - I think that was in the same research. People find it rewarding, but they’re not very happy!

I think it’s incredibly narcissistic to view your children as in any way your ‘achievement’. Sure, I conceived, carried and reared (so far) to the ripe old age of 13 and a half my lovely DS, but he is himself, not some aspect of me. He’s his own achievement.

I’m glad you got your family.

I also had fertility issues, tried for 10 years to get pregnant. Then had to accept it wasn’t going to happen. It was very painful at first but now at 64 I am very peaceful and content. Things have worked out for me, Just in a different way.

True IMO also.

My mother has a habit of hissing nastily about child-free women 'They are too selfish to have children'. (Just women, mind, not men).

My mother was a violent abusive alcoholic. Still is to be fair. She openly says can't stand who I am because I am an uppity madam.

She should never have had children. (I'm glad she did though, as that is me!). But the vitriol with which she attacks women who don't. Bizarre. (Her mother was the same though, and ironically my mother says her mother should never have had children).

We did! We were very young when we got together so think we always just assumed it would a ‘future issue’, which looking back now was a bit dangerous! In saying that my DH still maintains to this day he knew I would change my mind - lucky for him I did :)