Have been put in a really uncomfortable position.

[LikeYouWantIt]

We're on the brink of landing a huge contract at work.

I don't normally meet our customers face to face but as it's a government contract, our customer requested a visit to warehouse they're being supplied from.

Customer rep visited with me, and our sales guy. All fine, no issues. The rep then emailed me asking for various information and procedures. He replied saying "thanks, I owe you a drink!". Thought it was a bit clumsy on his part, but I emailed back "haha sounds good", then moved onto another work-related topic in the same email. He ignored the work related stuff and replied back "I'll definitely take you for a drink, it would be my pleasure. No backing out now!" I didn't respond.

3 days later, I got a Facebook friend request from him at 1am. I spoke to our sales guy about it, and we had a nosey through his profile. He has hundreds of friends, and his wife and kids are all over his profile. He's also the type to post pictures of his dinner, so assumed he's maybe just likes to add people on his socials.

I accepted, and you already know where this is going... I've managed to swerve his flirty messages up till now, while still keeping things fairly lighthearted, but now he's messaged saying he's coming back to the warehouse to "have an excuse to see me", and has pushed why I haven't responded to his messages.

I'm furious that this married man has put me in this awkward situation where I can't tear him a new one due to this huge work contract. I'm going to HR on Monday but how do I politely fob him off over the weekend?? I'm thinking I'll just have to block and ignore.

You missed out the rest of the sentence where I clearly stated that I immediately moved the conversation back to work. In no way did I "say yes to a cosy drink".

Tell him you're doing a social media cleanse for a while and deleting things like instagram and Facebook apps from your phone. You can then change your settings so others can't see when you're online. As far as he knows you're not looking at FB then.

(I know you shouldn't have to do any of that but that's my suggestion.)

Is there not like some procurement stuff that governs this contract and the terms of acceptance etc, rather than just whether you accept a friend request or not?

The last message I sent was that I would get back to him on Monday with our availability. Since then, he has sent another 3 messages which I have ignored and will continue to ignore.

Thank you for the variety of opinions, even the negative ones have actually been quite helpful.

Migraine. You have a migraine. Or go for the drink and bring a bunch of your colleagues from your office. This guys a creep.

Him "thanks, I owe you a drink" You "no problem, you're welcome" is the normal way to respond to that without ending up down this road...

Not really sure how you get out of all this now other than unfriending on socials and being incredibly formal in your dealings with him.

You could have said you don’t mix your work with your pleasure. Unfortunately too late for this shit bag situation. Glad you’ve got your team supporting t you.

”Haha, no worries at all” would have been better than “sounds good” though! Not saying he’s not a total arse, but you did leave the door open a little!

Yes this is what I meant. “Sounds good” was basically accepting his offer of a drink…

Obviously his fault to begin with. He was making a pass at you and testing the waters by asking you out for a drink. You didn't firmly and politely shut him down. This has led to escalating situation. Your Sales Manager gave you bad advice.
Block him now and ignore flirty e mails.

What exactly have his messages said other than the ‘owe you a drink’ one?

My boss has said this to me. We’ve gone for lunch etc. zero issue at all. Saying what you did in reply to that is not encouragement - just a bit clumsy and not an invitation for him to pursue you.

If they’re genuinely flirty I’d say ‘sorry Steve - I may be way off base but your messages have strayed into an area I’m uncomfortable with - I don’t mix work and my private life so FB messaging is something that needs to stop. Let’s stick to work email and get this project smashed. Catch you next week to discuss next steps when I’m back from leave’ and remove him from FB.

Were you a bit naive? Maybe. Is it your fault? No way.

I class this as sexual harassment and I’m sure your HR manager will take it very seriously. Don’t blame yourself

This is a brilliant post! Unfortunately it's fairly accurate. But it's also hilarious @MrsTerryPratchett

He’s a sleaze who is trying to arrange a date with a woman despite being married.
But OP, I think saying his suggestion of a drink sounded great was a big mistake. Out of curiosity, if he was single and you fancied him, how would you have replied?

seriously. Just come off his facebook thing and ignore him from now on.

He is a sleaze - that isn't your fault but you can simply remove yourself from the drama.

Honestly social media is a curse.

She didn't really, she's explained all of that if you read what was actually written. She certainly did not invite him to message her at 1am!

Yeah I agree with you here. I have definitely said "I owe you a drink" to a man at work before and if he said "no I have a girlfriend" I would have been mortified!
(Note to self, stop saying that)

What am I reading? Is it now feminist to blame a woman being harassed by a man blatantly manipulating an obviously skewed power dynamic?

In the real world women often can not be confident that they will be supported at work if they piss off the customer rep during negotiations for a highly lucrative contract that said customer could take anywhere else. This is a married man pursuing an employee of a potential supplier. Messaging her when he knows she's on her holiday asking her personally for another warehouse visit? Yes, of course he genuinely thinks she's interested in him, that's why he's using his position as a potential customer to try to force her to meet him again in a work context.

That's unbelievably unprofessional and manipulative and women on this page should absolutely have OP's back.

Honestly he's a creep but you have also strayed into 'unprofessional mode' by accepted a friend request on Facebook AND replying to him via messenger.
I think if your Sales Manager told you to accept the request then he/she should be spoken to by HR and possibly given a verbal/written warning about encouraging staff to be non professional, in order to secure a contract! As a HR director their behaviour would concern me.
It is important that this personal SM connection is shut down. There's been lots of great advice on how to do this.
Treat this as a learning curve for the future on how to keep business/personal separate.
Keep LinkedIn for work connections and Fbook for personal ones.

He didn't message her at 1am.

He sent her a FB friend request, which she then decided she wanted to accept.

And I still don't know what 1am has to do with anything.

It's nearly that now and there are loads of us here on Mumsnet, so what's the difference if we were all on Facebook?

You have lead him on I'm afraid!
What is he to think when you said that a drink "sounds good!" and accepted his FB friend request?
I think that you are secretly enjoying the attention!

Just say “oh! I can see you’re married with a family so this isn’t what I expected so let’s just keep things professional.” He sounds awful.

i had a recent friend request from a Consultant I work with. I’ve simply ignored it as it doesn’t feel appropriate. That might’ve been the better option for you in this situation.

It’s not your fault.

But it might be time to invent a strategic significant other. Maybe ‘Sorry, I’ll get back to you when I’m in work next week. I’m away at my boyfriend’s parent’s holiday cottage and the only phone reception is at the top of a mountain! Have a good weekend.’

Or girlfriend, if that works better.

Don’t listen to the posters blaming you, dealing with people like this can get you out of your depth. You’re being friendly & they take advantage of the fact you have to keep the work ‘nice face’ on.

He’s a creep and I feel for you.

Moving forward, if he presses you for a drink I would say yes the team would enjoy that. Act as if you thought he meant you and your colleagues all along.

And for the next creep guy instead of saying “sounds good” say something like “yes our team would enjoy that”. It’s polite but also makes it clear that you have no intention of meeting him alone. If it is a solo project you could throw in something about drinks being a good way to introduce him to your manager or other colleague. Anything that makes it clear that there will be no tete a tete.

Your sales manager needs their head read. Man or woman? Really poor advice.