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Original poster

Have been put in a really uncomfortable position.

282 replies

LikeYouWantIt · 29/08/2025 19:18

We're on the brink of landing a huge contract at work.

I don't normally meet our customers face to face but as it's a government contract, our customer requested a visit to warehouse they're being supplied from.

Customer rep visited with me, and our sales guy. All fine, no issues. The rep then emailed me asking for various information and procedures. He replied saying "thanks, I owe you a drink!". Thought it was a bit clumsy on his part, but I emailed back "haha sounds good", then moved onto another work-related topic in the same email. He ignored the work related stuff and replied back "I'll definitely take you for a drink, it would be my pleasure. No backing out now!" I didn't respond.

3 days later, I got a Facebook friend request from him at 1am. Hmm I spoke to our sales guy about it, and we had a nosey through his profile. He has hundreds of friends, and his wife and kids are all over his profile. He's also the type to post pictures of his dinner, so assumed he's maybe just likes to add people on his socials.

I accepted, and you already know where this is going... I've managed to swerve his flirty messages up till now, while still keeping things fairly lighthearted, but now he's messaged saying he's coming back to the warehouse to "have an excuse to see me", and has pushed why I haven't responded to his messages.

I'm furious that this married man has put me in this awkward situation where I can't tear him a new one due to this huge work contract. I'm going to HR on Monday but how do I politely fob him off over the weekend?? I'm thinking I'll just have to block and ignore.

OP posts:
LupaMoonhowl · 30/08/2025 16:55

What a ridiculous drama over nothing.

SummerFrog25 · 30/08/2025 17:17

TheRoseDeer · 29/08/2025 20:56

At first I assumed you have been messaging on Teams and he had written the drinks comment and you responded in a light way without much thought (totally unprofessional regardless). But no, you responded via email. Email takes time to write and review before sending.

Why did you respond to the drinks? Why not ignore it fully and just type up your work agenda. Doesn’t make any sense. Then to continue it, the guy sent you a friend request and you accepted. You had a search through his profile. Sending screenshots and whatnot and looping HR in is very over the top.

Maybe change up your email communications to not include social stuff. In person, if he pushes for drinks then decline. Only if he persists and it is one-sided then that is a different story.

If I was the manager seeing a ‘haha sounds good’ by my staff member accepting drinks invite, in one of the first email communications, I would think you are both mixing work with social and would not be too happy about it taking up work time.

Taking up work time

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

a whole 2 seconds 🤣🤣🤣

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/08/2025 17:23

This reply has been deleted

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DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/08/2025 17:33

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2025 20:55

Not RTFT.

But I’d like to address the ‘this is your fault’ bullshit.

Being a woman is a complicated and shit version of Choose Your Own Adventure.

A married man in a contract negotiation with you asks about a drink. YOU CHOOSE.
a. You laugh it off, go to page 20 where you’ll be told you didn’t discourage him
b. Tell him off, go to page 35 where you’ll lose the contract and your job
c. Say yes, go to page 44 where you’ll be the bitch other woman
d. Say you have a husband, go to page 55, where you’ll be a terrible woman who can’t stand up for herself.

These men know there is no right answer and that’s why they do it.

E. Ignore the drink comment completely - go to page 200 and move on with your day.

Oh wait....OP totally did NOT do that. 🙄

lotsofpatience · 30/08/2025 17:35

LikeYouWantIt · 30/08/2025 15:22

I will most definitely be modifying my behaviour in future.

Tbf, the Facebook thing was neither here nor there for me - I've actually got quite a lot of our contractors and colleagues on my Facebook (hence why I have very little personal stuff posted on it) so it's not particularly unusual for me. But yes, lesson learned.

Drop that shameful backtracking. In previous posts you blatantly brought up the Facebook aspect to make your case this man is a creep.
Your behaviour is embarrassing. Carry on like that and it will backfire at the workplace when you least expect it.

SummerFrog25 · 30/08/2025 17:39

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No she wasn't.

You're a man aren't you?

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/08/2025 17:40

LikeYouWantIt · 29/08/2025 21:24

At no point have I communicated that I want anything other than a professional relationship with him??

Show quote history

Wrong. You HAVE communicated at THREE POINTS that you want something other than a professional relationship with him.

1 - When you said "haha (loving it, excited) sounds good!" to his completely throwaway drink comment.

2- When you accepted his FB request.

3 - When you have STILL not said No and shut down his advances.

Happy to Help.

Oscarsmom71 · 30/08/2025 17:42

Facebook is personal life so you were under no obligation to accept his friend request.
And maybe shouldn’t have said a drink sound good if you weren’t interested.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/08/2025 17:42

SummerFrog25 · 30/08/2025 17:39

No she wasn't.

You're a man aren't you?

Edited
Show quote history

😂

No I'm female disgusted by my sex and their Snake-like traits.

You're a snake too aren't you?

LupaMoonhowl · 30/08/2025 17:47

Navigated so much of this in a professional role with clients - it’s not difficult! Just be amused, friendly, aloof, and gently dismissive.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/08/2025 17:51

LikeYouWantIt · 30/08/2025 14:50

Hindsight is a beautiful thing, I agree. I've responded to multiple "I owe you one / a drink" comments with "See you at the pub!" or "mine is a large Sauvi B" as per pp, and it has always been taken in the good humoured nature in which it is intended. Had I known this married guy was going to take it so literally, I would have acted differently.

Show quote history

Dear Lord, are you 12?

BeAzureRaven · 30/08/2025 18:32

Block and ignore. Imo, your first mistake was responding 'haha, sounds good.' What you should have said was, 'thank you for the kind offer, unfortunately, I must decline.' Repeat as needed, or just fail to respond to future overtures.

DarkYearForMySoul · 30/08/2025 18:39

From this thread it seems large parts of society haven’t changed much. People still see men as too weak to take responsibility for their own behaviour, so project blame onto a woman to carry it for them.
May I gently remind all those giving @LikeYouWantIt a hard time - women may be strong but men can take responsibility too

BeAzureRaven · 30/08/2025 18:42

"From this thread it seems large parts of society haven’t changed much. People still see men as too weak to take responsibility for their own behaviour, so project blame onto a woman to carry it for them.
May I gently remind all those giving ** a hard time - women may be strong but men can take responsibility too"
Edited
He's not the one writing to complain---SHE is.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 30/08/2025 19:01

TonTonMacoute · 30/08/2025 15:30

He does sound like a particularly pushy chancer, yuk!

It's easy to get drawn into a more informal style of communication when using short emails and texts.

'That's very kind but there is no need. It's my job to ensure things run smoothly'

Show quote history

That's an awkwardly stiff and formal response in normal circumstances. OP's response was normal, and he kept pushing. Now she knows to enforce strict boundaries with him but it's his fault for making things inappropriate.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 30/08/2025 19:04

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/08/2025 17:51

Dear Lord, are you 12?

Edited
Show quote history

Because Sauvignon Blanc is the classic drink choice of 12yo's?

There's nothing odd about what OP said - definitely not in my industry. Rude and out-of-touch response from you though.

tara66 · 30/08/2025 19:16

I.m sure OP you don't need my advice and you were just taken by surprise.
But I would tend to say in similar situations -''I don't drink''- also ''i can only eat a very special diet'';'' I'm actually a Moslem or a Quaker'' or ''I have 6 children so must go straight home''.

Finteq · 30/08/2025 19:32

YANBU

He's taking the piss.

You did nothing wrong

He's pushing boundaries and knows exactly what he's doing.

You did the right thing by going to HR.

It's just sad women have to be so careful all the time.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 30/08/2025 19:37

LikeYouWantIt · 30/08/2025 15:22

I will most definitely be modifying my behaviour in future.

Tbf, the Facebook thing was neither here nor there for me - I've actually got quite a lot of our contractors and colleagues on my Facebook (hence why I have very little personal stuff posted on it) so it's not particularly unusual for me. But yes, lesson learned.

Yet earlier you said

've had multiple customers and clients add me on LinkedIn which I have happily accepted. I did say to my sales manager that I thought this was odd. But given that he had hundreds of contacts and his wife is tagged in multiple posts, we (obviously wrongly) assumed it would be safe to accept.

So is it odd or not? Do you have mainly work contacts or not?

You’ve completely contradicted yourself.

Very odd!

Bunny65 · 30/08/2025 20:18

LikeYouWantIt · 29/08/2025 19:26

I'm trying to find the line between polite rejection and not losing us this contract. I didn't want to accept the friend request.

Show quote history

Just ignore him and keep the relationship professional. Or if that's too difficult say something like sorry, you're very busy with work and family at the moment and leave it at that.

Original poster
LikeYouWantIt · 30/08/2025 20:41

Letsgoroundagainnow · 30/08/2025 19:37

Yet earlier you said

've had multiple customers and clients add me on LinkedIn which I have happily accepted. I did say to my sales manager that I thought this was odd. But given that he had hundreds of contacts and his wife is tagged in multiple posts, we (obviously wrongly) assumed it would be safe to accept.

So is it odd or not? Do you have mainly work contacts or not?

You’ve completely contradicted yourself.

Very odd!

Show quote history

I have customers and clients on LinkedIn. Contractors and colleagues on my Facebook. There's a difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
LikeYouWantIt · 30/08/2025 20:43

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Wow.....

Words fail me.

OP posts:
PinkStingray · 30/08/2025 21:21

OP, it's not your fault.
I have a feeling many criticising you never worked in an office and are hiding in their homes working only online.
He did what man do, pushed and invaded your boundaries in his own delusion of being irresistible to young women.
Monday, will soon arrive, HR have your back and I hope this contract is signed soon.
Once this happens you can get it rip and tell him exactly what you think of him.
Big hug.

Xmasxrackers · 30/08/2025 21:33

LikeYouWantIt · 29/08/2025 19:50

Wow. Victim blaming much? A married man is actively looking up a stranger he's met once for an hour and exchanged 4 emails with, but that's okay because it might be perfectly normal for him at 1am?

Fortunately my HR Manager doesn't have that sort of mentality, despite being a man himself!

Show quote history

What exactly are you a victim of? Sorry but I agree you have egged him on. You don’t accept friend requests as a professional! It could have been nipped in the bud by not accepting. It could also have been nipped in the bud by ignoring the drink offer.

Xmasxrackers · 30/08/2025 21:34

PinkStingray · 30/08/2025 21:21

OP, it's not your fault.
I have a feeling many criticising you never worked in an office and are hiding in their homes working only online.
He did what man do, pushed and invaded your boundaries in his own delusion of being irresistible to young women.
Monday, will soon arrive, HR have your back and I hope this contract is signed soon.
Once this happens you can get it rip and tell him exactly what you think of him.
Big hug.

I can guarantee many of us who have responded have worked in an office and have also been able to bat away unwanted advances without “losing a massive contract”