Do you ever do sneaky secret things ?

[BlueBirdOnAWire]

Like I’m thinking pretty harmless things like pretend your going to the gym but really go cinema

because you just want a bit of time to yourself 😂😂

yes I know. I know we are all perfectly entitled to spend time doing things like that that we wanna do
bit sometimes it’s just so nice to have a little something to yourself 🤫🤐

I love sometimes arranging that nobody knows where I am. I’m going to the theatre next week and I haven’t told anyone.

Yes, gym is just daily routine for me. Not a treat. I don’t not enjoy it. I do. It’s just not a treat.

I think lots of the “I don’t get it” brigade are reading far far too much into this. It’s just a random indulgence. Not a sign of abuse or an unhealthy relationship. It’s just a fun, occasional indulgence. A chance to remember that you are a person in your own right, in the midst of all the family, parenting, work, adult responsibilities. Honestly, unclench.

Will anyone ask?

I think OP was being lighthearted. I’ve had a sneaky McDonald’s ;-). I wouldn’t call it fibbing but I don’t inform DH how much things cost, or how often I buy them perfume etc.
When DD was a baby and DH was looking after her so I could go out with friends I used to go out half hour earlier so I could be alone, in silence sipping a cocktail. It felt like a treat because nobody knew😆to tell them would have ruined it!
I’ve had the day off work and not said a word too.

But why can't you be 'a person in your own right' unless you keep it a secret?

Women are socialised to put themselves last after DC, partner, work, family members and even friends. Pretending that they don't ever do something just for them perpetuates the injustice.

I had a colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago. The lady inn the next bed hadn't told her husband or family where she was.

She just set off as if she was going to work.

I love going to meet a friend half an hour earlier than we arranged, I get my own coffee and read my book, apart from once, I saw my friend had done exactly the same, when I saw her through the coffee shop window, so I just kept walking and let her have her sneaky time and I went and found somewhere else

I think women's plans become family property really easily
"If you're going into town can you just drop me ...."
"If you're passing Boots can you get me ...."
Now mostly, this feels like a loving family helping each other out but sometimes you just wnat to only think of yourself
I've noticed men don't get it as much
'Dad's golf day/cycling/ whatever ' is kind of ring fenced
I totally get what the pp said about an annual leave day suddenly attracting illness from family as well

They might. Or I might tell them- “Oh, I saw A Man For All Seasons this afternoon” It’s the nobody knowing where I am at the time that I like.

Mm, I don’t see why you can’t respond substantively to this, OP. Asking why you do it is a legitimate question. I sometimes lie about how much TV I watch or sugar I eat. Because im
embarrassed I suppose. Someone else might lie because they don’t want another person coming with them. Someone else might just enjoy the privacy. Genuine question- what are your reasons for lying

I used to like train journeys for this reason, before mobile phones. Nobody could know where I was. I loved that

Not really no. I generally don't lie, I don't see the point. I don't really get your example, why can't you just be honest about needing your own space.

I think because it’s a hard back to when you were a slightly young thing that answered do no one - and by Answering I don’t mean asking permission, I mean someone knowing your whereabouts and bring able to go something on a whim because you fancy it. Nobody knowing where you are is also somehow fun.

I will add that I don’t do this now. My kids are grown up. I just go and do Something I fancy and dp just says “have a nice time.” But when you’re in the thick of parenting and building A career, sometimes it’s nice to rebel a bit, throw of the shackles and be a bit naughty. Play hooky. The secret part of it makes it more fun and nobody’s nose is out of joint because they want to come too.

I can’t help but think that having to explain it makes it somehow less fun. You either get it or you don’t.

I can't understand why so many people on this thread "don't get it" when multiple posters have given examples and explained the feeling and others have agreed to same feelings
Just read the thread.
Also there's nothing to 'understand'
Some people do it, others don't. It's like everything.

I sometimes hide a chocolate bar in the tins cupboard so my teens don't eat it.

I do this too. Just those few extra minutes alone are precious.

I dont think you’ll get an answer

But say your partner said “what’s your plans tomorrow afternoon”, what would you say?

I don’t think he ever has on a day when I’m planning on disappearing! If he did I’m not sure what I’d say-going out for a bit? No, I’d probably tell him. But I’d not enjoy the play quite as much.

Your partner, children, friends have never enquired about your plans which have coincided with when you’re going to be out for most of the day? Well in that case, you must be able to do stuff on your own without telling anyone all the time!!

Maybe being single is the reason I have no reason to lie I dont know. I dont have a partner to 'lie' to and I dont think I would anyway but I guess as I am not in that position it is a moot point. I parent the kids alone and don't lie to them either, if I want time alone I just tell them to leave me alone. Same with friends and family I just say I fancy a night or day to myself and do not explain myself to anyone. It could be also that I was raised by a compulsive liar so lying to me reminds me of my childhood which was anything but ideal.

The thing is, OP just asked if others do this. It’s not AIBU. I do think OP’s response was fair, surely if someone doesn’t ‘get it’ they should just move onto another thread.

I get you OP. Sometimes I’ll leave work early and eat a cheeky Nandos in the car on my way home. No one knows and I get an hour after work and before I get in to chaos. (Usual home with a young child chaos, no abuse involved!!). Sometimes it’s nice to do something a bit sneaky or naughty and not tell anyone. Fells like fun, no one is hurt, no affairs or betrayal. Just going to cinema, or eating a solo Nandos.

Oh weird! It was the Olivia Coleman one-missing girl or something (I forget the name)

I used to eat in the greasy spoon caff or all you can eat buffet when I was supposed to be 'shopping'. This was outside of a normal meal time so basically an extra stealth dinner. 🤣