Do you ever do sneaky secret things ?

[BlueBirdOnAWire]

Like I’m thinking pretty harmless things like pretend your going to the gym but really go cinema

because you just want a bit of time to yourself 😂😂

yes I know. I know we are all perfectly entitled to spend time doing things like that that we wanna do
bit sometimes it’s just so nice to have a little something to yourself 🤫🤐

I don’t understand why you would need to say you were going to the gym when you’re going to the cinema?

Not being goady, I genuinely don’t see what the difference is. Can you explain?

I could understand if you were not telling the family you had a day off work and secretly spending it doing something nice for yourself. I just don’t understand how gym = acceptable and cinema = has to be kept secret.

The op says she “can’t help” anyone who doesn’t understand what she means 😆

When our oldest 2 were going through the teen begruding years, we used to yell up the stairs "we are going to the tip" and take ourselves for a slap up Sunday roast and spend the afternoon at the pub.

My DS is 23 now, so this was a long time ago, but I once dropped him at ny mums who was having him so I could go to work but I’d booked holiday, so I just came home and went to bed for another hour. I was massively drained and just simply exhausted. My mum came by my house, DS had wanted something I’d forgotten. OMG, she was not happy. I lied and said I’d been sent home ill and that I was coming to get him after an hour or two. She didn’t believe me, but we both just accepted I was telling the truth to save an argument. Never did it again, I can tell you that. We have laughed about it since.

Totally get that. But if we relate that back to OPs example, it’s like saying I told my family I was going to KFC but went to McDonalds in secret. So what? Gym or cinema is pure “you time.”

Again very different,

surprised how many people can’t see the gym is me time, but pretending to do one thing in your me time snd actually doing another is not sneakily carving out me time,

in your example it would be similar if you said to the kids, we are off to the pub for dinner and then secretly went to the cinema instead.

Ha! We have used the tip thing as well. Or the supermarket.

I get what you mean op.

Take a 1/2 day annual leave day - tell no one just to walk around the shops .

Probably because someone else would want to go with her and the cover story of going somewhere active and healthy is more to assuage her own guilt about the absolutely tiny lie she's telling.

Love how worked up you're getting about it, it's not a red flag, calm down.

Sometimes I embellish (or make up) things I’ve done over the weekend when colleagues ask on a Monday morning. Most times I do nothing!

I get this - my DP is lovely and would happily encourage and facilitate my doing anything I liked for myself, but occasionally it just is more fun to do something no-one else knows about.

I once asked a colleague 'Doing anything nice?' when he said he was taking the afternoon off and he guiltily admitted that he was going home to secretly play X-Box in his pants. Basically, he was just absolutely desperately for a few hours of time to himself but if he'd told his wife he was booking an afternoon off she'd have told him to book it on one of her non-working days so they could do something together. Which mostly he was happy to do, but sometimes he just wanted a few hours on his own.

Know what you mean Op

Yesterday Dh took dd out for a few hours, I ordered delivery Burger king, watched rubbish and stuffed the wrappers into the bin

When Dd was tiny and I was so desperate to be alone, I said I was working one Saturday morning (used to work Saturdays but wasn’t due to that Saturday) and went to the cinema alone to watch a film about how hard motherhood can be. I picked up crisps and chocolates and sneaked them in, so fun. Miss going to the cinema alone

I think the point is that for a lot of people, if they said 'I think I'll go to the cinema tonight' their partner would say 'Oh, I'd like to see that film, I'll come with you' or 'Let's wait until Saturday and then we can go as a family' or something. Which isn't likely to be the case with the gym, so saying it's the gym will just avoid further discussion/explanation.

Obviously the OP could just say 'Nah, I don't want you to come, I want to go on my own', but I think sometimes people just don't want to have that conversation, knowing that maybe their partner isn't the sort of person who doesn't understand the need for time alone and might feel a bit rejected or whatever. Doesn't mean they think their partner would object, just means that sometimes you just don't want to have that conversation or to know you've slightly hurt someone by not wanting their company.

No, i dont do this. If I want to go to x I go to X cos Im an adult and not accountable to other adults. I might have lied to the DSDs in the past about there being chocolate in the house, but it wouldn’t occur to me to lie about my whereabouts.

No, I'm not great at lying.
It's a bit risky too lying in a relationship. If someone posted on here saying DH said he was going to the gym by my friend seen him going into the cinema I think everyone's first thought would be he is having an affair.

I do, have a sneaky secret. I often get my husband stating that he will drive me to the grocery shop (that I had hoped to do alone for a bit of me time) because the dogs love getting out in the car (and to be honest there is an awesome green area beside the parking lot that they love to run in and have made a few friends with security guards lol) about every 3 or 4 times, the shops are "incredibly busy" and takes me about double the time. Seriously, no. I go to the outdoor seating area that is surrounded by small takeout restaurants. Sometimes I get some sushi, sometimes just a glass of wine. He would never ever tell me I couldn't , but sometimes I just don't want to hurt his feelings and say, NO you can't take me to the shops I want ALONE time.

@BlueBirdOnAWire Pretend to who??? Also, why is it better to be going to the gym than to the cinema? Has someone got you on an enforced exercise programme?
Enjoy time out for yourself on your terms. No-one else's business really unless it's directly affecting them negatively. For me, I'm not into the pretending game, or lying. Makes life far too complicated.

😂😂

🤣

@BauhausOfEliott "in his pants"! Hilarious. There are all sorts of scenarios going around my head. "X-Box in his pants". Thank you. I love this.

I think the OP means “sneaky breaks from routine”, or things you might do when nobody else is at home with you.

My DH and I have sneaky thing: when he wraps presents for me, it’s our tradition that I’m in the room, blindfolded, to keep him company. But for all I know, he’s wrapping presents for someone else, or doing mine at a time when I’m not there. How do I know? I can’t see a thing!

Oh sounds like a fab day, do you remember the name of the movie ?

The one I watched today was the roses with Olivia Coleman, highly recommend

I have aided and abetted a friend in having a sneaky day off. She booked a day off without telling her DH and stayed at my house for the day. I was at work and just left her a family size bar of chocolate and my spare key. She was just drained and whenever she tried to have a day to herself her MIL would "just be popping by" or her DH would have some sort of emergency for her to take care of. She ended up leaving him as she got tired of being his pa.

Love this thread OP!

I do lots! It’s not so much I need to be lying about it, but having something private to myself whilst also being part of a family.

I like to….

go to the cinema

walk around art galleries

sometimes I have to work early/late and I will go to this little cake shop and stuff my face 😍