Do you ever do sneaky secret things ?

[BlueBirdOnAWire]

Like I’m thinking pretty harmless things like pretend your going to the gym but really go cinema

because you just want a bit of time to yourself 😂😂

yes I know. I know we are all perfectly entitled to spend time doing things like that that we wanna do
bit sometimes it’s just so nice to have a little something to yourself 🤫🤐

I think I would have hidden in the cupboard and gone back to bed when she left! 😂

Frequently. I call it my secret squirrel day. My sister always knows my plans in case “anything happens” Mostly I shop or go out to eat visit a beach or a museum or drive 2 hrs to favorite town. I like having unaccounted for time for myself. I work/have my own money/my own children (not DH children) /my own house but somehow actual time to myself seems a precious commodity

Most people on the thread aren’t ‘getting you’.

Though you might get along with a regular at my old gym. He would arrive on Saturday morning, sit in reception with the free coffee and read the Guardian for an hour, go into the loos, splash water on his tshirt under his armpits, then get back into his car and drive off.

He’s my kindred spirit 😂

Actually, I always liked the look of him, despite never exchanging a word! I used to invent stories about what he was escaping from…

Yes. Occasionally me + dh will tell the teens we're out grocery shopping when we're taking ourselves out for breakfast.

I sometimes say I'm at the gym. I am. In the coffee shop at the gym, not in the e exercise bit.

It's not that I couldn't do these things if I wanted to but sometimes I just want to answer to me alone.

Oh yes all the time!

Not always successfully … last year I secretly finished the Christmas bottle of Baileys and tried to persuade Dh it had evaporated because he left it out of the fridge. 🤣

I use 3 annual leave days dotted about the year, I dont tell anyone about these days, I get up and then go spend the work hours somewhere I want. Museum, park, swimming, spar day.
Kids dont mither, partner won't call and ask for me to do a favor. It's bliss.
I dont lie I just dont tell anyone.
I buy 3 days extra holiday every year to do this.

It’s bizarre that you’re so bewildered by this, to the point that you keep returning to the thread again and again to say the same thing.

The gym, or indeed exercise of any kind, is considered virtuous. A trip to the cinema - especially one on your own, just because you want to - is considered an indulgence. If you went to the gym on a cold wet Sunday afternoon, you’d probably be told “Ooh, aren’t you good for making the effort!”. And while no one is going to tell you you’re a lazy slattern for going to the cinema when you could have been at the gym, they’re not going to congratulate you for going either.

Yes, they’re both “me time” in a sense. But let’s not pretend they way they’re perceived is identical.

Not my gym…. Stunning pool, hydro pool, sauna, steam room and jacuzzi
divine

My husband couldnt care less what I buy and what I spend were in a lucky position that it doesn't matter too much.
I often decide I can't be arsed to make my own coffee for work and stop off at Starbucks then I drive the long way to the office via some amazing views and take a half hour of Flexi working and take a breath.
Makes me a better mum that half an hour.

If this is the reason why people do this, they need to look at why they feel the need to do so, likely not having an equal share of free/personal time in a relationship and/or division of domestic responsibilities.

Does your DP have to have a 'secret' day off to avoid being mithered by DC or you asking him for favours?

Sounds like people also need to be more confident about telling others they want to do things by themselves if they don't mention solo trips out for fear of friends, relatives or partners insisting on coming along.

But a lot of people would never do things alone. I go out on lots of solo trips (child free and DP works away a lot) and DM, DSis and MIL all think I'm a bit mad and strangely over confident to take myself out for a walk, lunch or to the coast alone. They can't fathom 'having no-one to talk to' but to me that's the best bit.

The danger is, if you get caught.. Your partner will wonder what else you lie about.
Then it's very complicated and can't actually be solved - it takes the partner to bury their fear and somehow believe that you're still faithful, and not going to lie about things they care about.

Speaking from experience

Eating biscuits in secret when I've told the kids they can't have a snack because dinner's nearly ready....this is why I am fat and they aren't.

Sometimes I hide a bar of chocolate for me to enjoy later.
I also sometimes drive past my house and do a loop if there's a song playing I particularly like ior I'm listening to something on the radio.
If I can I plant any new plants before DH notices I've bought more.
I strip the bed and then " forget" to make it as DH goes to bed before me. (he never thinks to change sheets)

Only around chocolate. Sometimes I buy a whole chocolate orange and I don't tell anyone in the house that I have one, so I don't have to share. Also the same with ginger nuts and cadburys fingers. I hide them in my desk drawer in my home office and pretend I have some evening emails to send and get a cup of tea and eat them all 😂

When DH has been away , I've had things like lobster, caviar etc & gone to great lengths to hide the evidence. I tell myself it'd be wasted on him as he's more of a pie'n'chips man .

I take my hat off to you - when my life was at the peak working parent/plate juggling level of chaos I used to fantasise about doing this.

I laughed at the bloke taking a half day to play xbox in his pants. I don't live with my DP but I don't like the idea of him thinking I can be a total lazy arse so I'll sometimes embelish tales of things I've been doing rather than say I've spent 3 hours binge watching some drivel. He really wouldn't care in the slightest, I just like keeping these moments of self indulgence to myself.

My Grandad (God rest his soul) used to go to fill up the car with petrol and have a sneaky crunchie in the car park before going home to my nan who would have not approved of random middle of the day crunchie consumption.

Simpler than that. @Bjorkdidit
DP worked long shifts and long hours for first 13 years we were together where I did part time for family round school hours and weekends.
He was honest about buying 3 days holiday and having them as days no one knows about. Rest of AL is spent with family.
Last 4 years I've been full time - wow has it been an adjustment for us all - apprenticeship, promotion - so yes I took a leaf out if his book.
He knows I have these 3 days just not when! Like he does.
@Helloautumnagain I've come home after dropping kids off at 7.50am got back in pjs slept for a few hours, than sat on sofa and played PS5, I've binged a series before in a day don't feel guilty. Why should I ? I've come home to DP in boxers playing on his special day off with a sheepish smile on his face.
Look at it this way you are being paid to do nothing! Its a free day especially if you buy it as an extra!

This is why my mum doesn't have a spare key😂 but there is one hid in her house 😅

Does he like lobster and cavier @oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends ? Or he doesn’t?

no never. I don't think sneaky dishonest behaviour has got any place in a healthy relationship .

Yes, sometimes say I’m working and have the day off completely guilt free

Ha ha, my car was on the drive! Bloody car, should’ve parked round the corner!