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Original poster

Why are some people so negative?

112 replies

BadKarma3467 · 25/08/2025 19:54

Why are some people so negative?
Just been away with family and one relative is really hard to be around (I can only usually tolerate them in small doses but this was a whole weekend) as everything they say is negative, they make a big deal out of small inconsequential things, very inconvenienced all the time. Everything is a problem - didn't sleep well, weather is too hot then it's too cold, there was traffic, it's too busy, everything is a 'shame'. You sneeze or cough and it's 'omg you have a cold'.

Even positives were made into negatives - too much food served at the restaurant, salad too crunchy, lunch was too big.

They've always been like this for as long as I've known them and it's getting worse. Obviously heightened as just spent a holiday with them but it rubbed off on my children who started moaning and being rude.

It's so draining. We only have one life - have fun, enjoy what you can and don't care about the little things that don't matter.
Find a solution to the problems and move forward.
Embrace life, it's precious and we're so grateful to be here!

OP posts:
HardworkSendHelp · 25/08/2025 20:17

I am with you OP, absolutely hate being around negative people. I am a be glad Polly Anna kind of girl. You give me a problem and I will always try to put a positive on it.

MamaElephantMama · 25/08/2025 20:19

The negative person in my life has absolutely nothing else going on in their life.

Karmakamelion · 25/08/2025 20:20

Because life has been hard and they have little tolerance left

InMyOpenOnion · 25/08/2025 20:21

I find that kind of negativity really draining. As to where it comes from, some people are generally unhappy with their life so it's that, with others it's the habit of years, and I do find with a few people it's driven by the need to stand out by saying something to provoke a reaction. But it's all stuff I try and avoid if possible.

VoltaireMittyDream · 25/08/2025 20:46

I have an extended family full of people who are like this (most of them ND).

I think most people have the ability to experience pleasure and contentment even when conditions are imperfect or unexpected. We have a nervous system that is adaptive and regulated enough that we’re able to feel relatively comfortable in a wide range of environments, not be constantly anticipating and planning for disaster, to ‘filter out’ small discomforts and inconveniences, and to change plans easily when something unexpected happens.

For my most negative relatives, their nervous system is in overdrive and as a result their experience of life is abrasive, uncomfortable and threatening most of the time.

A whole holiday can be ruined - and remembered forever as an unmitigated disaster - because they got pebbles in their sandal, or they ordered an English muffin but were served a blueberry muffin. These things just cannot be got over, in the way you or I might move past them automatically and with humour.

I really do feel for them - I think it must be like living in the Upside Down a lot of the time.

But it is very draining to be around.

Add to that social communication differences that mean they don’t realise that they’re complaining constantly, and for hours on end, and bringing everyone down - or don’t see why people are bothered by it because they’re ’just being honest’.

It’s tough.

whitewineandsun · 25/08/2025 20:47

Karmakamelion · 25/08/2025 20:20

Because life has been hard and they have little tolerance left

Yep.

Betsy95 · 25/08/2025 20:49

Oh I’m so with you …. Super draining.

i think any situation can be fine if you have the right mentality towards it.

I cannot stand incessant negativity and moaning … sucks my soul out.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 25/08/2025 20:51

I don't feel right in the morning until I've had a good moan and complain about something tbh, and I simply don't trust people who are endlessly cheery. There is something deeply sinister about them.

beelegal · 25/08/2025 20:51

It drains me, ruins my mood. So I stay clear of that sort.

TheaBrandt1 · 25/08/2025 20:56

Sounds like you spent the weekend with my MIL op.

Can’t BEAR negative personalities. What’s funny is it’s sent Dh in the exact opposite direction. He’s the most positive appreciative of life person I know likely in reaction to his parents who are both extremely negstive. In my head I call them the dementors they suck the fun and joy out of any situation. The sighing and tutting and tinkly depressed laugh…

RapunzelHadExtensions · 25/08/2025 20:57

Ugh there's a guy like this at work and he is wildly, but obliviously, unpopular.
I used to say good morning to him every time I went into the office at the start of the day, just common courtesy, only for him to say 'IS IT?'
Every. Single. Time.
One time I just said 'Morning' and left out the 'Good' and he still said IS IT?? I just bemusedly blinked at him and said 'Well... Yeah it is' 😂
I watched a darling friend of mine die last year. She bought joy to all our lives and would have given anything to live to see another sunrise and meanwhile this belligerent prick can only moan about it.

I've completely disengaged from him now, I have nothing to say to him and these people will never get better.

I do think in your situation I would have said something to them tbh. Pretend it's coming from a place of concern -' I've noticed you've been a bit off this weekend, is everything okay or is there anything I can do to make your time here more enjoyable?' kind of thing. Tbf though people like this rarely have any introspection so would probably be a waste of time.

Are you likely to have to spend a lot of time with them?

MiloMinderbinder925 · 25/08/2025 20:59

People who whinge all the time aren't happy.

TheaBrandt1 · 25/08/2025 21:00

They should stick with each other and not drag down everybody else.

Fragmentedbrain · 25/08/2025 21:02

I believe in being upbeat and fun and that's my priority because what's the fucking point if you can't maximise pleasure in the moment but

"Grateful to be here"?

Life for most people involved intolerable suffering. I believe we'd all be better off never to have been born. I wouldn't bring it up on a fun holiday or anything.

Unless possibly someone started wanging on about their gratitude for existing...

katepilar · 25/08/2025 21:03

They have likely been "programmed" like that by their parents. Likely deeply insecure and unhappy inside.

topcat2014 · 25/08/2025 21:04

My now dear late MIL was like this. When she was ill I knew she was getting better when the moaning started back..

BourgeoisBabe · 25/08/2025 21:05

Hate moaners. They bring everyone down. Now if someone had a death, illness, job loss etc, yes it's OK to be down. But if it's your personality it's very draining.

Supersimkin7 · 25/08/2025 21:08

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

The one thing heartsinks want more than anything is YOU.

katepilar · 25/08/2025 21:12

VoltaireMittyDream · 25/08/2025 20:46

I have an extended family full of people who are like this (most of them ND).

I think most people have the ability to experience pleasure and contentment even when conditions are imperfect or unexpected. We have a nervous system that is adaptive and regulated enough that we’re able to feel relatively comfortable in a wide range of environments, not be constantly anticipating and planning for disaster, to ‘filter out’ small discomforts and inconveniences, and to change plans easily when something unexpected happens.

For my most negative relatives, their nervous system is in overdrive and as a result their experience of life is abrasive, uncomfortable and threatening most of the time.

A whole holiday can be ruined - and remembered forever as an unmitigated disaster - because they got pebbles in their sandal, or they ordered an English muffin but were served a blueberry muffin. These things just cannot be got over, in the way you or I might move past them automatically and with humour.

I really do feel for them - I think it must be like living in the Upside Down a lot of the time.

But it is very draining to be around.

Add to that social communication differences that mean they don’t realise that they’re complaining constantly, and for hours on end, and bringing everyone down - or don’t see why people are bothered by it because they’re ’just being honest’.

It’s tough.

That so well written!

AntiBullshit · 25/08/2025 21:15

I work with someone like that I swear nothing is good, nice, great. Ask them any questions and the answer is doom and gloom. And if you say. No to a request, they go to the big boss complaining how the policy is.
Piss off

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 25/08/2025 21:15

People who are weirdly positive and energetic about everything are just as irritating. If not more so.

toodledo · 25/08/2025 21:19

Because they see themselves as victims. And when you're a "victim" you believe you're always wronged, the world is out to get you and things are always miserable. That you have no power or agency in your life. Plus lots of people who are negative actually manifest their own negativity. Meaning the more they believe life is rotten, the more rotten it'll actually become for them.

The opposite is true for positive thinkers. They believe life is great and has so much to offer, and life feels much lighter and more rewarding. It's a much more powerful feeling.

(All learned from 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' - amazing book)

whitewineandsun · 25/08/2025 21:20

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 25/08/2025 21:15

People who are weirdly positive and energetic about everything are just as irritating. If not more so.

Especially at this point in time IMO.

TheaBrandt1 · 25/08/2025 21:26

Prefer that to doom mongers. Thankfully the majority of us are in the middle broadly positive without being manic.

The consistently negative often have limited self awareness about how they impact others. Usually not particularly intelligent or are used very self absorbed.

Fluffyholeysocks · 25/08/2025 21:31

I think for some people its a way of avoiding being criticised or being told they are wrong. My MIL thinks she is always being inconvenienced in some way or another, I've recognised it as a defence mechanism to avoid being told she's done/said something unreasonable. If she's always being 'wronged' or inconvenienced and the 'victim' people quite naturally want to help. But then the help is wrong. Nothing is ever her fault because its too hot/too cold/ too noisy/too busy/too expensive/ too late/too difficult...
Its a deflection.