Why are some people so negative?

[BadKarma3467]

Why are some people so negative?
Just been away with family and one relative is really hard to be around (I can only usually tolerate them in small doses but this was a whole weekend) as everything they say is negative, they make a big deal out of small inconsequential things, very inconvenienced all the time. Everything is a problem - didn't sleep well, weather is too hot then it's too cold, there was traffic, it's too busy, everything is a 'shame'. You sneeze or cough and it's 'omg you have a cold'.

Even positives were made into negatives - too much food served at the restaurant, salad too crunchy, lunch was too big.

They've always been like this for as long as I've known them and it's getting worse. Obviously heightened as just spent a holiday with them but it rubbed off on my children who started moaning and being rude.

It's so draining. We only have one life - have fun, enjoy what you can and don't care about the little things that don't matter.
Find a solution to the problems and move forward.
Embrace life, it's precious and we're so grateful to be here!

I agree but everyone i have known like this have deeper issues they aren’t facing.
It is incredibly draining to be around.

I absolutely agree with this but that doesn’t have to be the end. My nervous system is a wreck after years of abuse. But I have done the work. My whole life is set up for healing and once I start feeling the terrible horrible feelings I’d been avoiding, I started to feel joy too. Now I’m very positive even when my nervous system is preparing for the end of the world, I self soothe and enjoy the sound of bird song. Etc.

He was ND too. I think he thought the same as your friend - everyone complains, so everyone can talk about their complaints.

My friend's ND son talks about his cat to the same end, it's his way of 'being in a conversation'.

My mum has always been really negative and completely risk adverse. I got a new job recently, and the first thing she said was ‘Oh no!’ Then proceeded to bemoan every potential pitfall of starting a new job.

My sister was never like this but it’s started to creep in. She visited a lovely sea side place on a glorious day last week and all she said was that everyone she saw was drinking iced coffee, and how awful she thinks iced coffee is…. So strange. Life is really tough enough anyway. I don’t really get why you’d focus on something so inconsequential.

Yep energy vampires. The total opposite of ‘Eleven-erifes’ maybe ‘Nine-erifes’? 😁 I usually find they are people that have have no greater share of life’s hardships than anyone else and often a lot less than most that are the most negative. Often when you have faced the worst you give less fucks and enjoy yourself a bit more.

It takes more effort to say ‘Is it?’ with a sourpuss than say ‘morning’ back to a ‘Good Morning’ and get on with your life. I avoid people like this like the plague - I have had enough shit to deal with that I have neither the time nor energy to try and vainly support someone who wants to be a drain to try and buck up a bit.

My ex is like this and it is not due to trauma relating to anything bad happening as he has never had anything bad happen. He's not experienced any loss or anything in his life that would cause trauma, although I know this can be subjective.

He refuses to accept responsibility for anything. Has blown up two engines due to not servicing vehicles, or even just checking his oil, but that 'wasn't his fault'. Everything is doom and gloom to him and he complains about everything. It was so difficult to live with him, especially as someone who suffers from depression and anxiety.

If you go looking for something you will find it. If you constantly look for the bad side of things you will find it. My son has been following in his footsteps so now when he goes to bed we discuss our day, and I get him to choose his 3 favourite things from the day. I have found this is starting to reframe how he sees life. I do not want him to grow into being his father who refuses to accept any blame and thinks everything is someone elses fault or bad luck.

I have not always been a overly positive person but I am very thankful for everything and everyone in my life now. I have removed negative people, except my mum who is very much like my ex. It has brought me so much joy and appreciation for everything I have and have worked for as I am not being dragged down.

It’s likely life didn’t ever give them any reason to be happy.

Negative people are wasting their lives and potential. Even just while I've been alive the world has got exponentially better for almost everyone alive in it, and yet people moan. Oh well, their lives are the exception? Are they heck. People I've known who have terminal diseases are still capable of joy, perhaps even more so as they are embracing the life they have left. People moaning about mundane things are black holes to be avoided at all costs. If you think this is you and want to change, read a book on stoicism. You deserve happiness.

I am certainly not manically cheerful but I guess when with the in laws who are very negative Dh and I do become more upbeat to make up the difference.

Otherwise we would all sit there wallowing in misery. I have a headache after a day in their company. Thankfully they’ve moved nearer so we can see them for just a meal etc which is fine any longer and it drags us down.

I know I deal with the terminally ill and some are still cheerful! One lovely chap had a nice chat with very positive he was dead the next morning (in his 40s).

That's certainly not the case for my colleague. I'd love to work 3 mornings a week for 'PIN' money as she calls it. She will often tell us of the things she's done when she's not working and even when she says she's been for a lovely day out, there's always something wrong. Some people are just like that.

This is great - I'm pleased for you!

As I'm sure you'll agree, it takes a huge amount of self-awareness to do the work. And not everyone has this, or has the capacity to develop it. The nervous system disruption that comes from trauma is a different beast from the baseline nervous system functioning in people with significant neurodevelopmental differences, though it can look very similar from the outside.