Millie Bobbie Brown adopts

[wandererofthekingdom]

Millie Bobbie Brown and her husband have adopted a baby. It’s so refreshing to hear of a celebrity adopting rather than using a surrogate. Especially as we heard of another celeb using surrogacy yet again this week.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c8ry4m80mn7o

I don't know the MBB situation but I have some tuppence.
Many of my American relatives have adopted & others gave up babies for adoption.
USA adoption is so so so (SO) different from UK system.
USA: many adoptions are from birth, the baby doesn't bond with foster carers for months before being wrenched away to adoptive parents. Nowadays, the adoptive parents usually meet the birth mother and are part of a support team to make the process as least painful as it could be.
that's why I always find it so weird that adoptive parents in UK live in fear of angry or dangerous birth parents. That isn't experience at all in my family.

for example:
Cousin J (birth mother) met the adoptive mother who was there at the birth & adoptive Mom cut the umbilical cord. J and family received yearly updates about the adopted away baby as she grew up (now 25yo).

So idea that the adopted kids are inherently traumatised because of their backgrounds and only entered adoption system because of neglect and/or high risk of harm to child and the adoption was compulsory and the kids are inherently damaged as a result etc.... not the norm. All that must happen too, but it isn't how a single adoption happened in my extended family. Actually, my nephew (now 33yo) has older half brothers who were in foster care from age 2yo, but not adopted. I never met them but their birth mother was proud of how they turned out, reckoned she had always done right thing to reliinquish them.

Cousin who is now... 29yo? he and wife adopted earlier this year after wife had a miscarriage that devasted her. Adopted From birth.

Good luck to them. My mother was a mum to two by her age and a very good mother too.
Also it’s true - adoption in US is very different to here.

Based on a previous post on this thread, I'd say no, they're not.

Adopters in the UK tend to be wary of birth parents because they largely didn't agree to the adoption, but rather the courts removed them against their wishes and they want the children back.

The birth certificate isn't changed. They get an adoption certificate which they use instead.

There may be a current day adopter out there who hasn't revealed the adoption to their child but that would be such an exception to modern adoption, it's barely credible. Adoption is not the stigma it once was. There is no reason not to tell. The courts are increasingly specifying ongoing contact with birth family. You are talking about adoption that no longer exists.

What I'm learning from this thread is that British people still attribute a lot of shame to adoption. A "tragedy" etc. Only the adopting parents escape the shame. The relinquishing parents carry the most shame & the adoptees are to be pitied but also are tainted by their faulty genes.

Very old fashioned set of prejudices.

I don’t think people are saying this at all - they are just aware of the evidence that is pretty clear about the physical & mental health outcomes for looked after children. A lot of support is needed - and you can’t just wave away the complex needs associated with early trauma, with positivity (and often toxic positivity)

My birth mum abandoned me in the hospital(no resentment there, she had her reasons). She didn’t give me a name, she didn’t hold me , she didn’t feed me. Even once. What good would’ve been to have her name on my birth certificate and father unknown? For what particular purpose? Because you think it’s cruel otherwise?

@lljkk

As you seem to be aware adoption in the USA is very different to the UK.
The fundamental basis is very different.
At the heart of most UK adoptions is a background of abuse and neglect.
Many birth families will have inflicted criminal behaviour on their children.
I have a lot of sympathy for my sons birth mother who herself had a horrendous childhood. But despite the help she has been given she cannot stay away from a succession of violent men.
My son is a happy, healthy 21 year old at university. What he does know with regard to his birth mum is for him to decide.
But would I have wanted to facilitate a relationship with her when he was younger- most likely not.
I have adopter friends whose children are quite frankly lucky to be alive because of the actions of birth parents- why on earth wouldn't they be wary.
Im actually supportive of contact with birth family when it is safe to do so.

But it never ceases to amaze me that some people think we should make our children play happy families with their abusers.

I like MBB a lot, and I hope their marriage lasts, but I do have misgivings for the baby. If MBB and her husband split up, the baby will be torn between two parents in the public eye.

I think it's still better than having either no parent or one that never wanted or intended to be one - and it's at least guaranteed that if it came down to it, the child wouldn't be living with one parent in abject poverty following divorce.

There a seems to be more early adoptios in America as many couples adopt first before their own children

They might know the biological mother, eg, she could be a young relative or family friend who is unable to care for the baby. I know a 19 and 20 year old in the UK who were formal foster parents to a 2 year old. Both were friends with the mother who couldn't look after her child. All agreed by social work and expedited because the mother gave her consent. I will add that the child was eventually removed by social work and adopted by a separate family against the wishes of the young couple but probably in the best interest of the child if I'm honest.