Feeling a bit sad - ‘friend’ blocked and deleted me from fb.

[GirlPolo]

And I have no idea why! She was one of my very closest friends, we were having discussions about days out over the summer hols and I went to message her only to see that she’s blocked and deleted me. I just cannot understand it. There were no disagreements, it was all good when we saw each other. I genuinely thought we were best friends. Or at least very, very close friends. Even if she unblocks me the friendship is done, I can’t get past this 😔
Anyone had anything similar happen to them?

So sorry OP, it must be very frustrating and painful xx

@DarklingIlisten - no-one is 'owed' anything and people have the right to end friendships of course. Just seems highly immature not to do this gracefully - it's not that hard to quietly let a friendship slide without bad feeling - or if there's a reason to want someone out of your life immediately, why not have the courtesy to explain? Cutting someone dead without any explanation is a shitty way to behave.

If you’ve genuinely examined your conscience and you haven’t been subtly putting her down / don’t talk incessantly about yourself and everyone else in your life broadly gets on fine with you then it’s a “her” problem not a “you” problem.

How long ago did her Dad and her ex die?
I'm not excusing her behaviour but grief does some strange things to people and it's possible she's not thinking straight at all. I know I wasn't after the losses of my parents. I just wasn't myself. I didn't defriend people on facebook but I did isolate myself and not want to speak to anyone for several months.

A relative of mine blocked most of the family (including her own siblings) a few months after her mother died. She'd decided everyone was against her for some reason (they weren't), turned the smallest thing into a huge drama and then started blocking people, even people like me who had absolutely nothing to do with the situation, claiming that we'd "sided" with the people who were involved. A complete overreaction, fuelled by grief and things still haven't gone back to "normal" 5 years later.

You must have other contact details for her? Loads of people are deleting FB/most of their friends/leaving the site. I wouldn't assume the worst. You know for a fact you haven't done anything wrong.

Did she come off Facebook. Not nice op had it done to me too. I def find people more flaky now. Its hurtful though

Ah, yes, sorry I did see that. Apologies. That seems sad. I'm sorry for you OP. I have a friend who just stopped replying to me/ answering my calls. Best friend for nearly 30 years. 🙁 X

I noticed my friend unfollowed me on Instagram. Couldn't understand it but had some suspicions as to why but I messaged her saying I noticed and asked if everything was okay with us. Turned out she had unfollowed by accident and she had also been going through a lot, managing two accounts, etc, so was apologetic that had happened in the mix of things.

I think with good friends it's good to just go straight and ask them rather than writing it off straight away. Maybe it was an accident, or even if intentional it could be other stuff is going on with her.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

But @DarklingIlisten - it's not about 'pursuing someone who wants to be left alone' or 'forcing yourself' on anyone. It's about behaving in a decent way.

It's really not hard to say to someone - 'I need space, it's nothing you've done but that's where I'm at right now', or 'It's actually started to really annoy me how you do xyz, and I'd prefer not to hang out anymore'. Or if you struggle with being upfront, just be 'busy' and non-committal with any suggested plans and the other person will soon get the message!

Ghosting another person is really selfish imo - I'd never leave another person just wondering what they'd done to upset me (if at all) or what happened to me if we were once friends.

I think it's quite symptomatic of the times we live in right now tbh. Without meaning to sound like an old fart, all our online communication makes people less able to communicate properly. Far easier to ignore emails, block people, delete profiles etc than it is to be considerate, respectful and kind to another person that you might see in your 'real life' community.

Not sure what your age is, but I'm glad I'm in my late 40s where most people don't behave this way. There's an epidemic of loneliness amongst people in their teens/20s and I think part of it is that people don't value real, human relationships in the same way. Everyone is too caught up in their own ishoos and thinking it gives them the right to behave as they choose. It's pretty crappy.

This is horrible, isn't it? This happened to me, and though I never knew for sure, I believe it was because the guy I was seeing at the time bad-mouthed me to her (she had initially been his friend, but she and i had become really close).

He and I were arguing on the night she blocked me, so it figures.

I recently saw that she seems to have unblocked me on WhatsApp ( I can see her profile picture, anyway). It did occur to me I could contact her, but what's the point? If she will believe my ex (who is a fucking shadester, as she would know if she had any sense) over me, then she isn't the sort of person I want in my life.....

And I don't actually miss her. On reflection I can see that there was a lot that was awful about her and her values - we really are very different people.

OP, I would assume someone may have hold her something about you - quite possibly something false or exaggerated - is that possible?

Either that or she has wanted out of the friendship for a while - is that possible? It's the mark of what a drama queen she is to block you though, if that's the case - it's absolutely possible to let a friendship fade gently, without recourse to blocking and other cruel over-blown gestures.

Either way OP, she's a selfish, immature twat. Take this as a sign to focus on and develop other friendships, with people who respect you and make you feel good, and who you fully trust. (You said she has form for this kind of ridiculous behaviour, so deep down you have known she is not a great person).

Nontheless, sorry you are going through this. It's normal to feel upset, frustrated and embarrassed, so allow yourself time to grieve the friendship.

😂

My cousin did this to me. We were very close as our mums grew up together as sisters , and bought us up together.
we were very close and I still miss her terribly . We hadn’t rowed, we had never fallen out ever . Just discovered the same as you, one day I was blocked and deleted off everything. It was really upsetting like grief.
I still don’t know to this day what I did so wrong and miss her terribly . She’s even godmother to my now adult son. Now my own mum and gran are dead , the loss has felt even worse. This was about fifteen years ago and I havnt heard from her or even seen her anywhere since . Im sorry I have no advice but I just know how shit it feels. I’ve given up wracking my brains about what I did to deserve it, but I’m generous, kind, loyal, fun, laid back - was always there for her , definitely not a cheeky fucker and am baffled to this day

@DarklingIlisten - in a way you've really backed up my point there - the examples given are teenage/very young adult behaviour! Most people as they mature learn how to break up with someone, or not get their mum to help them out with distancing themselves from a friendship. Teenagers are still learning this stuff...

Ghosting someone seems massively adolescent to me, and I am guessing the OP and her ex-friend are a bit older? Of course there are people who might not get the message, and some blunt words might be called for then. Of course no-one likes having difficult or awkward conversations, but people should be able to put on their big girl pants and communicate properly!

The only thing I can think of is that :
a) you've done something to irk her that you're unaware of (in which case she's an absolute baby and you're better off without her if that's how she acts )

This cheered me up @SquishedMallow .

I was ghosted by a friend a while ago. She just stopped taking my calls, and responding to texts and emails. I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a while, because shestruggles with depression, but it's been nearly 6 months now. I was pretty pissed off, because I've helped her out no end with housing and benefit matters, helped her expedite her child's autism assessment, get DLA for him and stuff like that, and taken time off work to go to hospital appointments with her.

We both had birthdays last week, just a couple of days apart. I sent her a text saying happy birthday, still nada.

I've realised though that this is a bit of a pattern for her. She'll see one friend really a lot for a while, then just drop them for no discernible reason. She's done the same to two people that I know of, and when I've asked her about X or Y, she's just said "Oh, I don't see X/Y any more" but then swerves any questions about why.

I've decided it's her, not me, and I really can't be bothered with that sort of crap.

@DarklingIlisten - it's not 'new', no - but I am hearing more and more stories like this as I age. And it would have been far more decent of 'Tania' to tell you why she no longer wished to continue the friendship, wouldn't it? The sister in law example is a bit strange - it doesn't actually involve you? How do you know exactly what was said (or not) to whom?

I don't think any sane adult would be 'rending their clothes and weeping' at a friend ghosting, particularly if they had form for such behaviour...but equally, if you ARE friends with someone, it's entirely natural to question what happened if they simply just cut contact very abruptly. You'd wonder if you'd upset or annoyed them, or if they were okay blah blah. If you are able to just immediately shrug and move on, it's likely it wasn't really much of a friendship in the first place!

😂🤣😂

Hahahahaha! Nice one!

And finally, this is my point really @DarklingIlisten - when your friend ghosted you, you said you did 'feel a bit perturbed and sad'.

If I wanted to end a friendship, I'd rather be considerate and upfront and not make a person feel that way.