This weird thing today with a group of boys

[LostInClothes]

Interested in some feedback or thoughts about this as I am not a mum to boys and don't currently know any early teens to compare to.

I was rushing home through a busy town and on turning a corner noticed a small group of teens aggravating pigeons. They were taller than me so i very quickly presumed they were a bit older, so walked up to one to say hey, stop that.
On turning to me he was quite young, about 13, so I just said you don't want to upset those birds you never know what they're up to (a sort of joke as felt uncomfortable telling off a random kid).

He just looked confused, not unpleasant, and as I began to walk off his friends moved over and crowded around me. Same age, just a bit taller. One started to mouth off at me telling me to stop making trouble for his mate, to which I replied we were fine, there was no issue, but he wouldn't shut up.

What struck me was his attitude, it was as if he was facing up to a man. I was almost a foot smaller than this guy and more than old enough to be his mother. He was giving a sort of gang vibe, but without the proper aggression. I didn't feel threatened exactly, he was obviously showing off, but I did think it was bloody weird.

I saw something similar a few months ago on a long train journey. A group of early teen boys piled over towards a set of seats where one single woman was sat. She had been dozing as they sat around her. Whilst they didn't interact with her or harass her in any obvious way, they just completely overtook her personal space and crushed her in. This was an otherwise empty carriage, so no idea why they did that.

Is it just a sort of blindness to other people's discomfort, a just-their-age sort of thing? Or is this different? It struck me as a pretty odd way to act around grown women who are alone, and don't recall noticing anything similar in the past.

If you'd been a man who spoke to them, they'd probably have floored you or knifed you.

There are some groups of young teen boys around my way (outer London) who have looked quite intimidating when I've had to pass as a lone female but surprised me by being quite courteous about ensuring their friends move out of the way of my pushchair.
We did have an unpleasant encounter in the Lidl car park though when we asked a young teen (looked around the same age, 13, 14 ish) to stop leaning on our car. They started mouthing off 'paedo, paedo!' at my husband in loud shouts and then started adding some colourful shouted additions about how my husband had supposedly touched his private parts. Thankfully none of the other shoppers paid us any attention as we were a couple with young children, but it could have been bad if my husband was on his own. My husband was metres away from the kids at all times, it was just mouth, but god I would be so disappointed if my kids grew up to be like that. They are loud and aggressive and I do wonder what will become of them when they grow up.

@Pliudev. I don’t know when youngsters stop being sweethearts. Twenty five?
I have just bumped into a student, now a police officer that I used to teach. We were chatting about students in her year group. They have all done well. She was kind enough to tell me that I was well liked. The students could tell I liked them and I did really like them. They made me laugh and cheered me up every day.
I have never felt threatened or intimidated by groups of lads. A few years ago I had been babysitting and I was coming home at midnight. I ran into a group of lads I had taught and who insisted on escorting me home. They were all just such nice teenagers from a very ordinary comp. I do believe that if you are nice to youngsters they are nice back. I don’t believe in judging young men on the grounds that they are men.
I really don’t like the discrimination and prejudice that some of MN is known for.

The thing is also that many of us have sons who are kind, respectful decent people, as well as husbands who are the same. I feel sad that they might be branded as just like 'all men'.

@thebraveryofbeingoutofrange
Have you actually read The Road to Nab End ? His parents were so abusive to him and extended family members. He never said goodbye when he scrounged a lift to London. There was a homeless starving aunt that his parents left to die on the streets. He couldn’t wait to escape.

What subject did you teach? You didn’t answer my question which I found strange when you claim to be a teacher.

An abusive family does not mean there was no community by the way.

@Ladedahlia. Most secondary teachers know how lovely the great majority of male students are. Some posters on MN are so discriminatory towards men. I remember the racism and homophobia from the 1970s and I see the same level of discrimination on here on some of the boards towards specific groups including men. It is unpleasant. Discrimination and Prejudice always is nasty.

When I was teaching, (over 30 years ago), I found that the worst behaved boys were those who didn’t have a father at home. They seemed to take a domineering attitude to women.

@thebraveryofbeingoutofrange I am a teacher and I have been on here a very long time. I still do a tiny bit of teaching at my local uni. I have taught English and other subjects. Although it has no relevance to this thread. I think you are perhaps trying to accuse me of being a troll which is what you seem to suggest and this breaks talk guidelines. Do go ahead and report me if you have doubts. There are enough threads I have contributed to as a teacher going back 13 or 14 years.
I am proud of being a teacher and I am proud of the thousands of really lovely kids I have taught.

I see why it reads that way and it would make sense but it didn’t come across like that in real life - they looked as startled as I was! I wondered if it was some mad incel bollocks…

This

I work in a school with a lot of teen boys and the intimidation thing is starting to spread and I'd never seen it until the last few years.
Squaring up when you ask them a question, looking you up and down and dismissing toy with a tut etc.
Also wearing two pairs of trousers (usually joggers under school trousers), apparently it's how people that carry knives often conceal them so has become a bit of a fashion statement thing.
However, I also find a lot of the girls now just as bad whereas 10 years ago, they were the easy ones.

Think attitudes in general have got pretty piss poor in a lot of kids. I see it daily in my job in a very large school in a very busy area.

I have a teen and I drill the importance of speaking to people with respect into him.

Probably experience themselves being DC and you an adult, not aware their size could be perceived as intimidating.

I had a similar situation a few years ago. Three teenage boys, wearing school uniform, and obviously having finished a GCSE exam as it was a lunchtime in late May, were walking through a car park and turning the air navy blue with their language, which was at a very high volume. As well as them and me, there were others in the area, including an elderly lady and a young mother with a toddler in a pushchair. It was as if they were deliberately putting on a performance for our benefit. When they drew close to me, l said: "please stop using that dreadful language. Not only do I not wish to hear it but nor does anyone else. There is a lady with a small child and I am certain that she doesn't want her child hearing those words." One of the boys sarcastically replied: "sorry, my love, I wasn't thinking," to which I responded:" l am not your love, I am old enough to be your mother." At this point, the group sidled off, much subdued. The elderly lady thanked me.

He was showing off to his friends trying to be the big man.

I think the ones who act like this are children who've been marginalised all their lives and suddenly discovered the power their new bodies give them

Im rolling my eyes at your repeated surprise at being challenged as a "small woman".

Maybe stop using male strangers as invisible shields just because you feel like going to shit stir some teenagers?

That's how it reads to me. You went over to a group of boys thinking you'd get involved, assuming they wouldn't challenge you back and knowing you would have people around you to step in and take some blows for you

You’re accusing me of something that isn’t true though aren’t you.

It’s quite common where I live. Boys like thugs and girls scrapping like alley cats and threaten you if you look at them the wrong way. Lack of everything at home, probably no decent role models, schools can’t do anything and the police don’t do nothing - the kids know it! I have a 15 and 11 year old, both boys. They won’t go into town or to the park because of groups like this. My eldest wouldn’t even go to get milk from our CoOp last week because there was a mixed group sat outside. He didn’t feel comfortable or safe because it usually ends up with kids like him getting ‘banged’. I’ve had abuse myself in the past but now remain quiet. You could end up hurt and nothing ever gets done about it
anyway.

One thing I’ve noticed is this change to calling women Karens by young people. I think that label often gets applied to any woman who opens her mouth to say anything and unfortunately young teens then seem to feel justified in standing up to and ridiculing Karens, often videoing it. It’s a bizarre social media driven bit of sexism

Not sure where you live of course, but in my area it is much better on buses than when I was young.

oh no, not the marginalised!

They’re feral. I was waiting at a roundabout earlier in the week and a gang of boys in balaclavas on wide-tyre bikes started circling my and other drivers’ cars, racing back and forth across the roundabout as the lights were about to change. It felt like a very long wait and very intimidating. My doors were locked but given how most cars were penned in by others (big city centre roundabout with multiple sets of lights) I wouldn’t have been able to escape if they’d attacked my car. It’s wasn’t nice at all. Never seen a girl behave like this!

I’ve not really noticed it much round the small town where I shop regularly .
They queue up at the bakery at lunchtime fairly orderly , say please and thank you then head off elsewhere to eat .
The town I live in , well there is a bit of “fartarsing “about both girls and boys but nothing much else .
During the day it’s a bit too busy with small shops , cafes and hairdressers open and I think the adults around don’t take any nonsense.
Where I used to live was a city suburb and the kids walking home from school used to yell sometimes when I was walking my dog .
things like “ you’re a dirty bitch pick up your dog poo “ when my dog had already been and I’d picked up and bagged it 🤣🤪🤦🏻‍♀️ I simply gave them an odd stare .
I agree they can behave like that sometimes as a crowd but generally speaking most were fine

I have a very small (5kg) cute white fluffy dog. Kids are the worst for randomly lunging at him, yelling at him, pretending to kick him, woofing at him etc. This is when he's on a regular lead so if they're in his space, they're in mine too. No idea what they get out of doing it.