This weird thing today with a group of boys

[LostInClothes]

Interested in some feedback or thoughts about this as I am not a mum to boys and don't currently know any early teens to compare to.

I was rushing home through a busy town and on turning a corner noticed a small group of teens aggravating pigeons. They were taller than me so i very quickly presumed they were a bit older, so walked up to one to say hey, stop that.
On turning to me he was quite young, about 13, so I just said you don't want to upset those birds you never know what they're up to (a sort of joke as felt uncomfortable telling off a random kid).

He just looked confused, not unpleasant, and as I began to walk off his friends moved over and crowded around me. Same age, just a bit taller. One started to mouth off at me telling me to stop making trouble for his mate, to which I replied we were fine, there was no issue, but he wouldn't shut up.

What struck me was his attitude, it was as if he was facing up to a man. I was almost a foot smaller than this guy and more than old enough to be his mother. He was giving a sort of gang vibe, but without the proper aggression. I didn't feel threatened exactly, he was obviously showing off, but I did think it was bloody weird.

I saw something similar a few months ago on a long train journey. A group of early teen boys piled over towards a set of seats where one single woman was sat. She had been dozing as they sat around her. Whilst they didn't interact with her or harass her in any obvious way, they just completely overtook her personal space and crushed her in. This was an otherwise empty carriage, so no idea why they did that.

Is it just a sort of blindness to other people's discomfort, a just-their-age sort of thing? Or is this different? It struck me as a pretty odd way to act around grown women who are alone, and don't recall noticing anything similar in the past.

Some really odd responses on here.
Most are happy to rewrite my post for me and invent what I experienced anew.

It's not what I'd call a calm and measured space to discuss this kind of issue, since 50% scream INCELS and the other 50% scream YOU DESERVED IT.

Perhaps the fabric of MN is tearing slightly loose, too, lol.
Or too much gin per tonic

@Seeline
I agree with you. Can you imagine other groups that are targeted for hate in the same way? I do think some posters on MN feek it is ok to share their dislike of particular groups hence the number of reports to SiteStuff recently.
Prejudice is ugly and the anecdotal tales of poor behaviour from some teens would not happen if it was anecdotal tales about other groups. Teens are still children.
I have a friend who is moving house because her seaside town has become a focus for Hen parties. There are AirbnBs along her street and she complains about the unbelievably poor drunken behaviour from these groups of women.
A number of residents are up in arms about these groups arriving and trashing local places. I suspect some MN posters would be very quiet about women behaving in this entitled way. However, anecdotal tales about teens misbehaving and 'youth of today' complaints are much loved by some MN posters.

Your first mistake is expecting a MEASURED discussion on MN.

NO, hardly ever happens these days.

Also, yy to too much gin per tonic. I should remember that when reading batshit posts on MN.

And the same teenage boy can also be both within a couple of hours.

Anyone challenging loutish teenage behaviour can expect to be challenged ( man or woman) and it's not usually worth it unless you risk assessed the situation and have the upper hand physically.

Bear in mind women still have the protection that many boys/men see it as unacceptable to hit women ( although not all by any means) which is why his mates were embarrassed.

You might argue this convention is waning due to Andrew tate and his ilk....

I agree there is a feeling that some teenagers do act as though they are untouchable. I was in a shopping centre a few weeks ago and walked past a group - one of them shouted in my ear really loudly as I passed - for no apparent reason. There is a sense of edginess in that anything can happen and then spiral uncontrollably.

It sounds as if the other lads were daring him to do that, there’s a lot of that going on with groups.

No Community? “Billy's boyhood was not all misery. Working-class pride and culture made for tight family and neighbourhood bonds and added savor to the smallest pleasures in life”.

What did you teach?

Many wouldn't be interested in youth clubs as their brains have been fried with crap content since they were little and they have the attention span of gnats.

@shirtsandskirts Some posters on here expect respect simply because they are women.
Shouldn't we all expect basic respect whether we are male or female? I don't identify my respect worthiness based on the fact that I am female but that I'm a human being, a law abiding citizen in a democracy paying my taxes etc. I also show basic respect to others, teen or not.

Times have changed. There were gangs hundreds years ago, now there are still gangs but social media has change the cultural and societal rules of engagement. Boys and girls are more entitled, our grandparents generation probably said similar about us and they were probably right. We do now live in such weird times, hyper capitalist yet people have less money than before, success driven, yet it's harder to be successful, image driven as per pimping yourself and your family out on SM for likes and a few $£$ so nothing remain real or altruistic, temu, amazon, fast fashion terrible for the environment yet we are also facing global climate catastrophe. The promise or threat of IA, whichever way you look at it, telling teens you will be obsolete and useless. Anything anyone can become a world-wide meme ridicule you and conjuring up the internet mob.

I feel for teens these days but often their parents aren't helping either as they let devices nanny their cherubs from babyhood, while scrolling endlessly themselves. It's all a little dehumanising and the effect on mental health is horrendous.

How very true.

They won’t do anything.

I have two teenage boys and believe me they are not all like this, them and their friends may look intimidating when in a group but are the most lovely group of boys. Teenage boys in particular always get a bad rep but they are not all like this honestly!

I might be wrong but this feels like a sibling act, could they have been brothers....so many older siblings are told to parent their younger brother/sister.....kind of feels more like that, it's the only time I've witnessed similar personally.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. Some teens are wonderful, kind, caring and polite. Others are not- just like all age groups.

I would encourage everybody to watch a few episodes of Monkey World, all life is there , posturing, dominance, factions, teamwork, just watch and you'll see soon enough why teenagers hang around in groups, how leaders evolve and the different roles in the group, it can be directly transferred to humans. I have to say you are braver than me, I would never have spoken to them because I would expect the behaviour you got.

It is isn’t it. I had a whole career working with teenagers who were not attending school or unemployed. They were always challenging but I made a real difference to many of them there is no doubt. However I was wise enough to know that several of them were never going to be ok in life however much we tried to help them. One of the ones that sticks with me was a young man who I had in my car (on my own) I had taken him to an interview, he had been dreadful and I recall telling him that his bad temper would get him into real trouble one day. The next day he was arrested for murdering a neighbour. Two others murdered a ‘friend’ and put his dismembered body into their car boot - saw it in the paper and recognised their names.

I have never met teenagers like this before, so perhaps i've led a sheltered life, who cares, but most of them have been just great.

I think it is worth mentioning that being threatened, whether or not you approached someone in a friendly manner, is still disturbing and unacceptable when that person is bigger than you and potentially violent.

As DH said last night, he could easily have had a knife, if only for bravado, but that would have really fucking left me scarred, mentally.

Why this thread had to stray into debates over 'hating' teenagers is disappointing. Perhaps some posters have conflicted feelings about this issue for their own reasons.
I think I would have preferred some support, maybe to hear of others who have had such an experience. If I had wanted a gin and tonic slanging match I would have put it in AIBU.

Boys that age can be very loud and silly, I think they’ve always been like it but there seem to be fewer checks on their behaviour in these enlightened times. They need a bit of metaphorical slapping down sometimes.

In past times they would be brought into line by older blokes - wind them up, take the piss then all have a laugh together to make up. It might look silly and old fashioned to women onlookers, but I think it did teach them to channel the high spirits and when to rein it in.

This thread keeps reminding me of the Armstrong and Miller sketches with the WW2 pilots (Isn’t it though? Standard!)

Bleeding heart bollocks. You'd be more scared of someone being a bit wary of teenage boys than a male much bigger than you getting in your face and squaring up to you? Come on.

God, I'm so bored of how these threads always descend into half the posters saying we're going to hell in a handcart and the other half saying, 'You're a hater! But I'm cool and know that teens are really lovely under their balaclavas!'

Let's take for granted that you get the same ratio of scrotes to angels across all population groups. And that we know an important part of adolescent development is tribal identification and proclaiming independence from adult authority. Hence the normal (but really annoying) tendency of teens to shriek/giggle/shout/swear in public spaces. They're telling us that we're not the boss of them, no they won't use indoor voices, no they won't give way to adults.

We can understand this as normal but that doesn't mean we should always tolerate it. They're testing boundaries and need to be shown where they are. Chasing pigeons - not great but OK. Kicking pigeons - over the line. Shouting on the train- depends how many people you are affecting. Crowding round a lone woman when there are plenty of alternative spaces - absolutely not OK.

Of course we all have to assess risk when deciding whether to challenge. But let's not be in any doubt that the more we all decide to mind our own business, the more unsafe we all become. We all know - including the toerags of whatever age - that they will be away long before any police arrive. It is only shared values and individuals taking action that keep public spaces civil and safe. When teens behave antisocially they are testing this out. Telling posters like the OP to wind her neck in or quit her anti-teen prejudice are just fuelling the problem.

This is my experience too. Perhaps because I've had three sons and worked for a while with 16 Yr old lads in an FE IT department. At the moment, there's a big hoohaa in our village about anti social behaviour. Frequent articles in the Parish Council newsletter and a police car often parked up. A group of young lads are accused of graffitoing the picnic table and general rowdy behaviour, also taking stuff from gardens to build a den in the woods. I don’t think anyone knows who actually did this.
When I walk my dog nightly I used to meet these teenagers and they were lovely. Friendly, polite and smitten by my puppy, frankly, big softies. I see them less often now because the complaints have meant they have stay indoors. It seems to me that some adults have forgotten what it's like to be young. They accuse all young people of misbehavior without any evidence.

My husband was nearly “mugged” by a 15 year old boy in a “gang” of other boys who were wearing full face balaclavas. My husband just pushed him over. The end. It made me laugh that was all it took 🤣 they must think they look scary but anyone can spot a 15yr old boy vs a proper man

As others have said, they have discovered misogyny and are quite enjoying it. Even the posh boys at my fancy gym will try to intimidate grown women off equipment. Funnily enough, they never try it with the stacked adult men.

You can recognise that many male teenagers can be perfectly nice people and also recognise that individuals within the class are disproportionately likely to be utter twats.

Talk to any "lovely" teenage boy and I bet he's got plenty of stories of boys he knows being arseholes.

Could have been high?