This weird thing today with a group of boys

[LostInClothes]

Interested in some feedback or thoughts about this as I am not a mum to boys and don't currently know any early teens to compare to.

I was rushing home through a busy town and on turning a corner noticed a small group of teens aggravating pigeons. They were taller than me so i very quickly presumed they were a bit older, so walked up to one to say hey, stop that.
On turning to me he was quite young, about 13, so I just said you don't want to upset those birds you never know what they're up to (a sort of joke as felt uncomfortable telling off a random kid).

He just looked confused, not unpleasant, and as I began to walk off his friends moved over and crowded around me. Same age, just a bit taller. One started to mouth off at me telling me to stop making trouble for his mate, to which I replied we were fine, there was no issue, but he wouldn't shut up.

What struck me was his attitude, it was as if he was facing up to a man. I was almost a foot smaller than this guy and more than old enough to be his mother. He was giving a sort of gang vibe, but without the proper aggression. I didn't feel threatened exactly, he was obviously showing off, but I did think it was bloody weird.

I saw something similar a few months ago on a long train journey. A group of early teen boys piled over towards a set of seats where one single woman was sat. She had been dozing as they sat around her. Whilst they didn't interact with her or harass her in any obvious way, they just completely overtook her personal space and crushed her in. This was an otherwise empty carriage, so no idea why they did that.

Is it just a sort of blindness to other people's discomfort, a just-their-age sort of thing? Or is this different? It struck me as a pretty odd way to act around grown women who are alone, and don't recall noticing anything similar in the past.

At Christmas I interviewed in an argument in my local pub with a young couple. Tbh he was pissed but really shouting at her in an awful manner.
No one else did, luckily the table of blokes behind me stopped him punching me and removed him.
Thier mum had a go at me (I'm in my 50's) and told me off for getting involved.
I was gobsmacked and haven't been to a pub in the evening since.

That's more polite than what I'd call it.

It’s sad but that’s why it’s understandable that some people don’t get involved if it’s people they don’t know.

If I thought a woman was in danger in that situation I’d probably ask a member of staff to call the police or try and engage with her privately to see if I could whisk her away to safety if that’s what she wanted , but otherwise I wouldn’t get directly involved by confronting an aggressive man. I wouldn’t like my male partner to either.

There are cases of both male and female strangers being killed or assaulted for intervening and after all that the woman doesn’t leave him.

Or sometimes it just makes the man angrier and he will unleash his wrath when they get home and blame her for him getting a dressing down in public.

Just today I've heard other people talking about this explanation of male bravado strangely enough. I've never looked at it from this angle before but I 💯 agree with you.
Bring back National Service 🙄

Well in my case I made a cringe joke to a boy to distract him from messing with the birds. I was going to say quit doing that (respectfully) until I saw how young he was and just made a joke instead.

He was fine, seemed a decent lad, until the others came over from across the way, with the insane one giving me his claptrap. His friends just looked confused.

Sad thing is, his behaviour might eventually influence the other two.

Everyone seemed fractious today, it was an odd one!

Gang mentality

On their own they are like lambs

Stupid idea to challenge them. They wouldn’t have noticed your existence otherwise. Yes they’re gobby kids but why try put yourself at risk? Lots of arseholes in our society now, old and young.

Exactly. Andrew Tate and/or the Manosphere. It's everywhere online.

i ....didnt 'challenge' anyone.

perhaps you missed this

Well in my case I made a cringe joke to a boy to distract him from messing with the birds. I was going to say quit doing that (respectfully) until I saw how young he was and just made a joke instead.

Testosterone and a complete lack of parenting.

They call us 'hormonal' but testosterone is a hormone too.

That sounds a very unsettling experience. I have teens of both varieties and know lots of teen boys and I have to say, none of them are aggressive that way. Obviously that doesn’t mean no boys are, but it’s maybe a bit harsh to be labelling them incels etc.
They’re just kids and no one likes feeling told off.
edited for typos

No, it really isn't new. Do you not read books?

But you can totally imagine it!

And it is also inspiring. Maybe we should all take on the persona of m Shirtsandskirts and treat every threatening young mandem as the charming gentleman they are deep down, they will just assume that role instead and the world will be a much better place.

Teenage boys have always run the gamut of aggressive arsehole to adorable.

Think Romeo and Juliet. You get everything from Benvolio to Tybalt. You met a Tybalt - you should have bitten your thumb at him.

And think of the way Romeo and his mates treat the Nurse. Within a few seconds Mercutio calls her everything from fat and ugly to a prostitute.

No respect for middle aged women 500 years ago either.

It's part of teenage British culture to be aggressive and rude. They are not taught to have any respect for their elders. Just look at all the teachers resigning from their jobs, or going on strike - it's happening everywhere, all the time. It's just that as a member of the public you don't usually experience it first hand.

I’m sure it was the shock that provoked your “language” it is SUCH. Threatening gesture and much worse in your case as she aimed it

At your baby! Awful!

I’m always astonished that so many people watch East Enders and enjoy watching people behave like they have no self restraint, self respect, self awareness, moral code or intelligence. How is it entertaining to watch people screaming at each other and brawling basically through the whole programme? It’s a microcosm of the society we have become.

But society really has improved significantly. I read and enjoyed the award winning William Woodruff’ The Road to Nab End’. He grew up in poverty pre war and it is really shocking to read about the casual but frightening aggression on every street corner. It was an expected part of life. No welfare state, no community, aggression to any strangers passing through. I think most people are a million times better in terms of behaviour towards one another these days.
I am aware I suppose of huge entitlement by some people. There is probably a feeling amongst some posters on here that work is optional and the state should provide for everyone. It drives me mad when I read about a fictional Mumsnet time when women didn’t work and spent their days doing a little light housework. I think that time was a short period during the 1950s to 1980s. Some posters on here expect respect simply because they are women.
Most young people are admirable . It is hard to be young and to be aware that getting an education and a job and a home is so much harder than it used to be.
I think it is so important to treat everyone including teenage boys, including old men and women with respect. I don’t like the casual hatred and intolerance towards certain groups in society that you see on MN.
As a teacher I was always told to model good behaviour and on the whole students reflect that back at you. If you model suspicion and thinly veiled prejudice it will be reflected back at you.
Prejudice towards any group is ugly. I see a lot of it on MN

Their parents should be ashamed of raising such louts.

I had that thing happen to me in a train - a group of teenage lads crowding me. In a first class carriage that was semi- full. I texted the Transport Police but they were totally useless.

Next time I’ll just film the louts and send the video to the police.

think back to the days of mod and rockers. Or the 50's knife gangs in Glasgow. Teenage boys have always been like this. As a previous poster mentioned it's why they are great in wars. It's nothing to do with online.

Exactly.

I do think teens in general have a bad name. Most of the time they're just messing around.

There is so little for them to do these days, especially if they/their families don't have money. All the youth clubs have been shut, even places like libraries are closing. Even hanging out at Maccys is getting more expensive. High Streets have no shops. Parent(s) are out at work and have no idea what the kids are up to.

I haven't had an issue with teens - live in South London.