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Original poster

This weird thing today with a group of boys

132 replies

LostInClothes · 11/08/2025 20:29

Interested in some feedback or thoughts about this as I am not a mum to boys and don't currently know any early teens to compare to.

I was rushing home through a busy town and on turning a corner noticed a small group of teens aggravating pigeons. They were taller than me so i very quickly presumed they were a bit older, so walked up to one to say hey, stop that.
On turning to me he was quite young, about 13, so I just said you don't want to upset those birds you never know what they're up to (a sort of joke as felt uncomfortable telling off a random kid).

He just looked confused, not unpleasant, and as I began to walk off his friends moved over and crowded around me. Same age, just a bit taller. One started to mouth off at me telling me to stop making trouble for his mate, to which I replied we were fine, there was no issue, but he wouldn't shut up.

What struck me was his attitude, it was as if he was facing up to a man. I was almost a foot smaller than this guy and more than old enough to be his mother. He was giving a sort of gang vibe, but without the proper aggression. I didn't feel threatened exactly, he was obviously showing off, but I did think it was bloody weird.

I saw something similar a few months ago on a long train journey. A group of early teen boys piled over towards a set of seats where one single woman was sat. She had been dozing as they sat around her. Whilst they didn't interact with her or harass her in any obvious way, they just completely overtook her personal space and crushed her in. This was an otherwise empty carriage, so no idea why they did that.

Is it just a sort of blindness to other people's discomfort, a just-their-age sort of thing? Or is this different? It struck me as a pretty odd way to act around grown women who are alone, and don't recall noticing anything similar in the past.

OP posts:
Pollqueen · 11/08/2025 20:34

It's because they have zero respect for anything or anyone and have been brought up to fear nothing. They're untouchable and know it

Jacarana · 11/08/2025 20:38

They are practicing their male dominance

IPM · 11/08/2025 20:38

I'm 56 and some teens were like this when I was growing up.

Always some bad apples about.

mathanxiety · 11/08/2025 20:39

It's the reason teen boys were traditionally used as cannon fodder or press ganged - lots of aggression, short on conscience,, zero altruism, tendency toward tribalism, strong tendency to let testosterone play a large role in their decision making process.

Add a complete lack of civilized male role models to the mix and you get youths who think performative toxic machismo is the way to make friends and influence people, and unsafe streets, public spaces, and public transport for everyone else.

Sorry you ended up on the receiving end of the massive dysfunction in their lives.

Original poster
LostInClothes · 11/08/2025 20:39

I got the impression he was performing an act of protecting his mates, if that makes sense.
What struck me as odd was he spoke to me as if i was a man who had threatened them. That was unlike anything I've seen before, and I'm no wallflower.

OP posts:
smallglassbottle · 11/08/2025 20:40

Psychopathic gang thugs. This is the future. Normal people won't be able to use public transport in a few years.

Original poster
LostInClothes · 11/08/2025 20:44

I mean they didn't swear or say anything even rude.

I would expect boys to say F off or just tell me to get lost, but I got this severe dressing down as if i was a waring gang member who might harm his chum.

Yeh, use trains a good deal these days and do see some sights.
Today a teenaged couple outside of a station were screaming at each other so loudly my eardrums almost burst. He was actually screaming at her like a wild, trapped animal. There's definitely less awareness or care for what other's see.

OP posts:
Imogene · 11/08/2025 20:49

It’s not just teens. An aggressive nasty man of about 70 started squaring up to me the other day. My crime?
Getting in the taxi I had ordered at the hospital where I work. Apparently he’d ordered one. The taxi driver calmly said to him that he’d been booked by me (a woman) but the man never stopped shouting at me to listen to him.
I was really scared and got the driver to take off quickly.

WonderingWanda · 11/08/2025 20:51

They were trying to goad you into a reaction. Had you shouted or sworn at they would then feel justified in escalating things.

Original poster
LostInClothes · 11/08/2025 20:59

So I wonder where their confidence comes from? Struck me as likely online learned behaviour. It was very busy, and a couple of larger, older men were approaching to assist me - but the boy with the mouth wasn't remotely phased.

Have I opened a can of worms? People think society is going to hell, aaagh. But I don't know, it did leave me feeling a bit...disturbed.

OP posts:
Fourteenandahalf · 11/08/2025 21:01

It's a male dominance thing. I'm a teacher and you see it (more regularly) from some young men. They see you as a target so they square up to you; they wouldn't do it to a man.

Original poster
LostInClothes · 11/08/2025 21:03

So is this relatively new then? I am early 50's and haven't seen it before. Maybe I have been lucky.
Why the heck would a school kid square up to a small middle aged woman who was non threatening?

OP posts:
SereneJadePeer · 11/08/2025 21:05

Teenage boys acting aggressively is neither new nor an online phenomenon. How many Middle aged male arse holes do you know. They were young once. If they'd try to cancel you for getting his friend's pronouns wrong I'd have probably been convinced. But unfortunately male aggression and entitlement is just ubiquitous.

Original poster
LostInClothes · 11/08/2025 21:08

Well you are probably right, and I am just only now seeing it. It's the age gap that made it so odd, might have seemed less odd if they'd been typical arseholes over 30.

What puzzles me now I think about it, is one pretty big set guy in his 30's moved to my side within seconds and this skinny kid just kept on and on, so he was NOT intimidated by the threat of a big guy.
Perhaps he'd have been worse had the big guy not stood there, I don't know.

OP posts:
Charabanc · 11/08/2025 21:20

And this is why women need spaces that don't include men.

NameChangedOfc · 11/08/2025 21:22

Jacarana · 11/08/2025 20:38

They are practicing their male dominance

This.
Mysoginy blossoming.

Original poster
LostInClothes · 11/08/2025 21:31

Just telling DH about it.

I didn't get the feeling I was in any danger but that's just an animal thing and I can't describe it, but he was putting on a show of protecting his mate.
Strangely his 2 mates looked embarrassed as if they didn't want any part of it.

What does disturb me is how he spoke to me as if I was male.
There were two guys who witnessed this and came and stood behind me (thank god) as it happened. He was not put off by any means, or perhaps he would have ran like hell had one of them stepped towards him.

OP posts:
Ooodelally · 11/08/2025 21:37

Ugh. I had a different yet similarly strange experience in London recently. I was stood getting my bearings having just come out of an underground station and not quite sure which way to go. A group of teenage boys, who I took to be tourists, passed me and one for absolutely no discernible reason suddenly leant towards me shouting, “wah!” In my face. I presume the intention was to startle me into some sort of reaction? Anyway, I looked at him like absolute shit on my shoe and his friends pissed themselves so one:nil to me BUT it has puzzled and bothered me ever since….

shirtsandskirts · 11/08/2025 21:39

I was a secondary school teacher and I am very fond of youngish teens. A few times I have come across groups of them and I always end up chatting. I popped to a local Tesco Metro one evening and came across a group of them kicking around some bags of charity shop donations. The shops won’t take the stuff in because it hasn’t been handed over in person. It is regarded as rubbish. I asked if there were any toys suitable for my granddaughter. They insisted on looking. Then told me which year group they were in at school. Then they progressed to telling me about plans for post sixteen. They were charming, friendly and loved me taking an interest in them. This often happens because I suppose I am very chatty in passing.I love the age group.I have never felt threatened even at night. I told a young Deliveroo lad that I wished he didn’t smoke the other day. I told him that he looked lovely and smoking was bad for him. He agreed with me.
I have never come across a hostile group. In my experience, young male teenagers, love attention and a bit of a chat. Really, they are doing me a favour. I love talking to young people because I am old. They are usually kind and very tolerant.
I suppose there are baddies out there but most teens aren’t baddies, just a bit awkward and unsure of themselves.
I think I would be way more frightened of some of the posters on MN who are so dismissive of groups of which they disapprove like old people, young male teens etc .

Bringmeahigherlove · 11/08/2025 21:40

Fourteenandahalf · 11/08/2025 21:01

It's a male dominance thing. I'm a teacher and you see it (more regularly) from some young men. They see you as a target so they square up to you; they wouldn't do it to a man.

Agree. I’m also a teacher. Some teenage boys definitely see women and girls as second rate citizens who can be easily intimidated.

amicisimma · 11/08/2025 21:45

A few years ago I was in my local Tesco, minding my own business, trying to decide between one item and another.

There was a group of about 8 youngish teen boys milling around the store noisily, and one happened to be standing right by me when he yelled something at his mate further down the aisle. I said, mildly, 'Ouch! Please don't yell right by my ear.'

They then followed me round the shop calling out 'She's a racist! Watch out for the racist!'. I hadn't really been paying attention to them, but they were a group of boys of different races and I think the yeller had indeed been non-white.
But it seemed an odd reaction to what I thought was quite a neutral remark from a small, oldish and quite dull woman.

Anyway I ignored them, carried on shopping and eventually they got bored and wandered off. But I do ponder the incident from time to time and wonder why they bothered and if that sort of thing is common.

YellowZebraStripes · 11/08/2025 21:47

It's the summer holidays so you always get bored kids like this trying to act large.

We had some kids trying to break into our flats. One of them was lying that his mum lived there. I was blocking the door, they wouldn't give up. There's always some onlookers who are egging them on. I was trying to reason with him and hopefully bore them away.

In the end I told the girls who were watching to go away - they're not helping the friend by watching, if they're really his friend they'd get him to move on. They were so unbothered about the friend getting into trouble.

I gave up in the end. Tried to reason and talk sense but they are teenagers.

Original poster
LostInClothes · 11/08/2025 21:47

shirtsandskirts · 11/08/2025 21:39

I was a secondary school teacher and I am very fond of youngish teens. A few times I have come across groups of them and I always end up chatting. I popped to a local Tesco Metro one evening and came across a group of them kicking around some bags of charity shop donations. The shops won’t take the stuff in because it hasn’t been handed over in person. It is regarded as rubbish. I asked if there were any toys suitable for my granddaughter. They insisted on looking. Then told me which year group they were in at school. Then they progressed to telling me about plans for post sixteen. They were charming, friendly and loved me taking an interest in them. This often happens because I suppose I am very chatty in passing.I love the age group.I have never felt threatened even at night. I told a young Deliveroo lad that I wished he didn’t smoke the other day. I told him that he looked lovely and smoking was bad for him. He agreed with me.
I have never come across a hostile group. In my experience, young male teenagers, love attention and a bit of a chat. Really, they are doing me a favour. I love talking to young people because I am old. They are usually kind and very tolerant.
I suppose there are baddies out there but most teens aren’t baddies, just a bit awkward and unsure of themselves.
I think I would be way more frightened of some of the posters on MN who are so dismissive of groups of which they disapprove like old people, young male teens etc .

This is comedy gold.

OP posts:
myplace · 11/08/2025 21:49

You challenged them and he feels you have no right to do that so he challenged you back.

I mean, from his perspective you don’t. Who are you to tell other people what to do?

Young people today aren’t necessarily brought up to defer to adults on principle. You have to earn respect rather than assume you get it due to being female or an adult.

The body blocking thing is annoying and intimidating- using numbers as their defence, and attack is the best form of offence.

I agree with you about harassing pigeons, but so many people let their toddlers do it. And while most adults probably deserve respect, I can see why they don’t give it automatically- too many adults are letting kids down.

Ladedahlia · 11/08/2025 21:59

One of the things I hate is groups of young men on public transport who talk really loudly, almost shouting and every single word is a swear word. I was on a train the other day and heard a middle aged lady mildly tell them that they really don’t need to swear so much! She had been chatting to them, asking them about themselves .I didn’t hear their reply but was open mouthed in admiration t her courage. The whole carriage was dominated by these men who were absolutely foul mouthed .