What was the impact of being raised in a single parent home

[hellohellooo]

Just on the back of the thread about judging single parents

(Single parent here)

What was your experience being brought up by a single parent?

I do worry that my d d has only a few strong male role models (cousins and good friends)

And how she copes when kids ask why her father left

Hmmm?!!!

..

I'd be very surprised to hear a child ask another why their father left.

Single parent families/blended families are very common so it's not normally a question that'd be on a child's radar to ask.

Very little money.

No male role model around.

Being used as a quasi parent for the other child. What I mean by that is mum, discussing my siblings problems with me when she was a teenager advice versa.

Worrying about mum being left on her own when I was old enough to go out and socialise by myself.

No other adult to bounce ideas off or have any other input into my life. It was mum's way or the highway. With two parents, there was possibly at least another set of values there to learn from.

It depends. Is she bought up in a happy, stable environment with minimal conflict/ financial concerns? My experience was not good because of parental mental health, lack of money, high conflict,

My son has had a secure childhood, no conflict etc, involved grandparents, aunts and uncles both sides, cousins, regular and stable relationship with both parents. Openness about why we split. Lots of friends. I really think it’s what happens after the separation…

Right? So just because single parent families are common, you think I never wondered where my dad was or why he left?

That's just stuff the single mums tell themselves because they convinced they are enough and all the child ever needs.

I knew it takes two parents to make a baby. So where was my other parent. I thought about it all the time.

I’ve not been brought up by a single parent but I have been a single parent my dd’s dad hasn’t been around for 12 years now. I just asked her how she feels having been brought up by me and she just laughed and said (whilst cheersing me with our joint wine glasses) “Mummy I tell everyone it’s better I was loved by one single person than no one at all”.

I think you also need to ask people what their experience of growing up in a high conflict household or where one parent was abusive, or an addict, or the many reasons people end up raising children alone.
Or whether there were involved grandparents or extended family and levels of income as these are also factors which affect outcomes.

Whatever your family circumstances or marital or relationship status, you can only do your best for your child.

I'm sorry, what?

Are you the OP?

The OP asked "And how she copes when kids ask why her father left"

Not sure how you've managed to make my reply about you? 😳

I knew it takes two parents to make a baby. So where was my other parent. I thought about it all the time.

Oh you dear girl. Of course you did. And of course your mum didn't have the answers. I'm sorry.

(Single parent here. I know it's not okay.)

Why would you be surprised that a child asks why their father left? Just because single parents are common.

Kids do ask where your dad is. I even got it at university
People noticed I mentioned my mum never my dad and they asked if he was about. And we were adults at that point.

I think you misinterpreted this post. I believe they meant it’s unlikely that one child would ask another why their father left. Not that a child wouldn’t want to know why their own father left. That’s something very different!

I'd be surprised because it's such a common thing.

I didn't say it'd would be surprising for a child to ask where another child's dad is.

Again, the OP said "And how she copes when kids ask why her father left"

I did misinterpret the post. But now, I ve had a chance to realize the mistake I made, I was still asked by other children where my dad was.

As I said up thread I was even asked at university. I never mentioned my dad they noticed that. We were bloody adults by this point, and still students asked.

Mummy I tell everyone it’s better I was loved by one single person than no one at all

Well obviously that's better but being completely unloved is a pretty low bar to clear.

I am a single parent and I know my kids are at a massive disadvantage compared to kids with two parents present, because my kids only have one person on their side right through. It's a rough old world and there are plenty of people looking to work against you.

If you have two people batting for you, you've got a fighting chance. With only one, that chance is diminished. It's not nice but it's the truth.

I bet there's lots your daughter has never said to you. And never will, because she doesn't want to hurt you and you've done your best. But none of us should kid ourselves that we do the job of two people.

But did any children ask you why he left you and your mum?

This is what the OP is saying.

Yes they did. My mum told me to tell people he was dead. 🙄

Edit: younger children don't really articulate it well enough to say, why did your dad leave you and your mum. It was more like where is your dad. Why doesn't he see you.

Older children like tweenagers and teenagers will say why isnt your dad around why did he leave, did he leave, is be dead.

They can be blunt about it as children are

it’s unlikely that one child would ask another why their father left.

You are mistaken. They do ask, all the time. My kids have been fielding this question since they could talk. It's a perfectly natural question and not asked with malice. Eg at birthday parties when they were very young, there would always be a few kids who looked around the room, noted that other men were there, and said things like "where's your daddy?" Jesus, it broke my heart as a mother to hear it, and eventually it ate at my children's hearts too.

Well for my kids, yes. As well as "where's your daddy" they had "why isn't your daddy here?" These are natural curious questions. How odd you would think that didn't happen.

I’ve never heard of a child asking another child why their dad left but it’s possible that sometimes the child themselves may feel unsettled about it, depending on their own personality, experiences, or what they’ve overheard.

There is research suggesting that growing up without a father figure can have some impacts, but those studies also point out that so much depends on the quality of the relationships and support networks a child does have. If the absence was unavoidable or in their best interests, that’s not something to feel guilty about. A safe, stable environment with loving adults matters most.

I’ve never heard of a child asking another child why their dad left

No, they don't ask that because they can't countenance a father leaving a child. It's not on their radar. But they will ime ask why a father isn't present/in the room/at a birthday/Xmas/school celebration. They'll ask because it's jarring for them.

Well absolutely

Such a good point

My d d in now in a safe conflict Fred house

Her father was a serious abuser
The worse possible kind

My daughter was one when the creep was arrested so she has no idea what happened

She is now 7

A special close relationship with my Mum and sister.

my DD was brought up by me on my own for 7 years until I met my now DH, and we are very close too.

Are you still in contact with social services OP? They should have some guidance for you about what is appropriate to share with your dd/how to help her navigate.

Again (as I keep repeating), my reply was relating to WHY has your father left.

Not where is he or why isn't he here.

But I accept that as a PP said, kids probably mean that sometimes but may not articulate it well.