What was the impact of being raised in a single parent home

[hellohellooo]

Just on the back of the thread about judging single parents

(Single parent here)

What was your experience being brought up by a single parent?

I do worry that my d d has only a few strong male role models (cousins and good friends)

And how she copes when kids ask why her father left

Hmmm?!!!

I’m also a single parent now

however dad is around and helps a lot.
if their dad isn’t around. Sometimes in the workplace or in business , there are very good male role models

also having a single mum, hasn’t impacted my career. I built a business and profit six figures

I wouldn’t worry. Just encourage her and show her opportunities.
dont let her be on the phone / internet too much unless its to help her mind etc

talk about emotions etc

Oh that doesn’t help.

then you get people tell you they don’t believe he’s dead, your mum is lying because she doesn’t want to tell people he ran off and left 🙄

I agree with pp. treated like a second adult, yet also had a lot of control taken away as my mum had no one to challenge her decisions, so she decided something and that was it, whether I agreed or not.

the fear of losing my one remaining parent and what would happen to me was a big one as well.

also people telling me that my mum was doing an amazing job raising us on her own, sacrifices etc etc. kept me firmly in line as I felt I couldn’t make trouble as she had such a hard job already. Meant I made many decisions as a teen and young adult aimed at pleasing her that I shouldn’t have. I chose uni and a job that she wanted me to do, rather than what I wanted.

it depends on your parent.

I was raised by my mum. I've never met my "father" who left my mum when she was pregnant with me. I had a lovely lovely childhood. Didn't miss having a male role model. Always had enough of everything. Never went hungry. Always had clean clothes etc. We lived in East London on a council estate. My mum was very conscious of her/us being judged for our circumstances, so was quite strict about who our friends were etc My mum was absolutely brilliant. If other kids asked about our dad, we'd just say "I don't have one", and that was that.

This is amazing

So did you feel in any way that you would have liked to know more?
My d d just does not ask and I'm worried about that
He is total scum bag and thankfully the evil fcker now lives an ocean away and hope he disappears for good the evil man

I earn 6 figures thankfully and we own our home no mortgage

Just want a simple easy life and for her to feel safe

And to not worry about men

A little girl was up at the house the other day
Peppa pig was on

My d d said something about daddy pig and the little girl said 'you don't have a daddy' ?!! My d d just shrugged it off

I never really wanted to know more when I was younger. I remember Googling his name once or twice as a teen, but no wasn't really interested. My amazing mum died a few years ago. It was obviously an awful time. I googled his name again, don't know why, and got a hit. I learned that he'd gone on to have 2 sons, and that he'd stayed and raised them. Which stung a bit.

This post nails it.
As adults I married a man, 5 years older than me, who was a father figure and my brother was a flawed human being. Not having a father has affected my entire life.

Your dd sounds like me at that age! I reckon she'll be just fine! 🙂

I'd say not having the example of a successful relationship for me. Also other kids asking where my dad was and not having an answer. I met my dad when I was 27. It was like a two legged stool getting a third leg. I'd imagine it's different when the dad is involved and or the child knows who the dad is in some capacity. The idea of it not being a rejection of them is also an important one to clarify.

I think you might’ve misunderstood the poster you are quoting!

Yes, thank you.That was cleared up.Several pages ago, did you bother to read the thread?🙄

I was so surprised by how rude you were that no, I didn’t read the rest of the thread. And I still haven’t.

Nowhere near as bad as when they were still together TBH. Having 2 peaceful homes was far better than the regular, awful arguing and shouting and then creeping round on eggshells while one sulked and trying not to do anything that would set them off again. Trying to stay on the ‘good side’ of both of them was exhausting and damaging.

Afterwards, yes, there wasn’t as much money for ‘extras’ but there was a lot more peace and stability.

Good for you, do you think I care what you think? I think you're an idiot for not reading the thread but you won't care about that as much as I dont care that you thought I was rude.

Jog on to the next thread to point out a poster, you think has got it wrong where it was corrected several pages back thinking you are being smart and clever x

We were much happier after my emotionally abusive parent died. It was like a great cloud had lifted. I can't speak for my sibling, but I felt much safer, and suspect that we would have had much more complex MH issues if that parent had survived. I still get asked a lot why that parent left/died, if anyone happens to find out, and it happened when I was in early secondary school.

The death didn't make much of a financial impact on us, as the other parent had- quite literally- spent every penny of their own to raise us and send us off to clubs and things to keep us out of the house and to give us other opportunities. We also spent a lot of time with their parents, and were very close with that set of grandparents.

I got to have an amazing bond with my mum.

Money was really tight, but she was always in my corner. I also had a really close relationship with my nan.

I don't feel it disadvantaged me at all. I know that not everyone is this lucky, but I feel immensely grateful for what I experienced.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sending lots of good wishes

I don’t judge. My mum was a single parent. My dad was useless. I had one girl at school saying my dad didn’t love me and that’s why he left. Given that he’d left because he’d been shagging her mum, that was a bit rich (yes, I knew at the time and she didn’t - though I wasn’t entirely sure what it meant as I was v young).

I watched my mum work hard keeping the house nice and working full time. I knew that to get on in life I needed to make sure I was not financially dependent on anyone else, and I needed to get a good job and work damn hard. So that’s what I did.

It didn’t harm me - I was very close to mum and even when she was working long hours she always had time and abundant love for me. She was an excellent mum - truly the best ever. Both parents have passed away.

My dad used me constantly as a pawn to try and upset my mum and he said awful things that he knew I would repeat to her because I was young and didn’t understand- but I soon cottoned on and started to distance myself from him as soon as I could.

Single parents rock!

I’m a single parent to twins. I’m a very high earner, so no money worries.
I do worry about them seeing a model of a good relationship. But my parents are happily married for over 60 years and all my siblings are in long-term (20+ years) marriages, so they see those relationships.

I think a more relaxed environment than it would have been otherwise and without a controlling male influence. I tried living with my dad in adulthood short term and he was impossibly strict and difficult.

Great responses thank you all

I need make sure she knows it is not her and that he had to go

If you are interested in a research analysis as well as anecdotal comments then here’s a study for you
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/09731342231179017

Fab

Thank you

Some of these responses are heartbreaking

I'm so sorry

But I have so much hope that I can do this and manage