Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What was the impact of being raised in a single parent home

124 replies

hellohellooo · 09/08/2025 20:28

Just on the back of the thread about judging single parents

(Single parent here)

What was your experience being brought up by a single parent?

I do worry that my d d has only a few strong male role models (cousins and good friends)

And how she copes when kids ask why her father left

Hmmm?!!!

OP posts:
Ursulla · 09/08/2025 22:15

Yeah @CheezePleeze I think you're splitting hairs and I'm not really sure why

BeltaLodaLife · 09/08/2025 22:16

CheezePleeze · 09/08/2025 21:40

I'd be very surprised to hear a child ask another why their father left.

Single parent families/blended families are very common so it's not normally a question that'd be on a child's radar to ask.

Are you a single parent? Because it doesn’t sound like you have any idea. I raised two boys without any involvement from their dad for a decade. They were asked by other kids in nursery and by other kids in primary school. Every time there was any sort of activity on family or who you love with or Father’s Day etc. Kids asked them all the other.

BeltaLodaLife · 09/08/2025 22:16

CheezePleeze · 09/08/2025 21:40

I'd be very surprised to hear a child ask another why their father left.

Single parent families/blended families are very common so it's not normally a question that'd be on a child's radar to ask.

Are you a single parent? Because it doesn’t sound like you have any idea. I raised two boys without any involvement from their dad for a decade. They were asked by other kids in nursery and by other kids in primary school. Every time there was any sort of activity on family or who you love with or Father’s Day etc. Kids asked them all the other.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 22:18

CheezePleeze · 09/08/2025 22:13

Again (as I keep repeating), my reply was relating to WHY has your father left.

Not where is he or why isn't he here.

But I accept that as a PP said, kids probably mean that sometimes but may not articulate it well.

Show quote history

You don't understand that young children don't articulate it like that.

Younger children don't necessarily think the dad's not there.Why did he leave
They ask where is your dad
Which is the same thing
It's still being pointed out to a child at their dad isn't around

It wasn't until I was an older child that they started asking further, when I said my dad wasn'around or where is he?Where did he go did he break up with your mum is he dead.

I got the why did your dad leave when I was older.

You're oddly hung up on the word why. As if that one word makes a difference to a child who is being asked where their dad is
Believe me it feels the same, no matter how it is articulated.

BeltaLodaLife · 09/08/2025 22:18

CheezePleeze · 09/08/2025 21:54

But did any children ask you why he left you and your mum?

This is what the OP is saying.

Show quote history

Yes! They don’t ask “where is your dad.” Other kids ask, “why don’t you have a dad.”

Praying4Peace · 09/08/2025 22:18

CheezePleeze · 09/08/2025 21:46

I'm sorry, what?

Are you the OP?

The OP asked "And how she copes when kids ask why her father left"

Not sure how you've managed to make my reply about you? 😳

Show quote history

Not fair. Poster is expressing her view based on her experience

Apocketfilledwithposies · 09/08/2025 22:19

I remember feeling relieved to hear my dad was moving out. I was 9. I'm the oldest.

My mum as a single parent had very little money or time. We were delegated a lot of the "wife work" as kids eg ironing our own uniforms, cooking the evening meals, picking up milk etc. Looking back my mum also leant on me emotionally and overshared stuff I shouldn't have had to hear about or worry about.

But it was still better than the experience of a two parent household that included my dad.

My kids have me as a single mum. I don't let them know about my adult problems and try and get an age appropriate balance of them pitching in as a team with chores rather than the heavier load I had as a kid. I seriously scrimp and scrape so they have a small UK holiday a year. We do lots of free days out and a activities. They also don't have the experience of an abusive dad, just two parents that didn't stay together. He lives nearby and is involved and a nice dad to them.

HelloGreen · 09/08/2025 22:25

To answer your Q OP. I found I felt lucky if I was ever around my friends parents arguing, that I didn’t have to deal with that.

I also felt awkward around other people’s dads, but not their mums. Men seemed very alien to me.

I felt very proud of my mum, and still do.

Mufflette · 09/08/2025 22:26

It's about the parent you have much more than the one you don't. I was brought up by a single mum as were some of my closest friends.

I would say we're all pretty resilient as a result of it, a bit more independent in relationships. All have very good relationships with our mums and the ones whose dads sound similar to your ex are very aware their lives have been better without them in it!

Original poster
hellohellooo · 09/08/2025 22:27

Ursulla · 09/08/2025 22:13

Are you still in contact with social services OP? They should have some guidance for you about what is appropriate to share with your dd/how to help her navigate.

That's an awesome idea

I am going to ask them for advice

My friends suggested wait until she asks
She never speaks of him ever !!!!

OP posts:
OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 22:28

HelloGreen · 09/08/2025 22:25

To answer your Q OP. I found I felt lucky if I was ever around my friends parents arguing, that I didn’t have to deal with that.

I also felt awkward around other people’s dads, but not their mums. Men seemed very alien to me.

I felt very proud of my mum, and still do.

I found that held me back though. Men did feel alien to me. I've never really been around any. No dad and no male siblings.

I found it quite hard to reconcile when I was entering adulthood and starting dating. I had no idea what they were about or how to be around them. It isn't necessarily a good thing.

Original poster
hellohellooo · 09/08/2025 22:29

Mufflette · 09/08/2025 22:26

It's about the parent you have much more than the one you don't. I was brought up by a single mum as were some of my closest friends.

I would say we're all pretty resilient as a result of it, a bit more independent in relationships. All have very good relationships with our mums and the ones whose dads sound similar to your ex are very aware their lives have been better without them in it!

Love this so much

We are a great team

I do over compensate with extra toys and days out

OP posts:
changedwoman123 · 09/08/2025 22:31

3 things:
money
hating things at school that referred to mum and dad or mr and mrs
hating other “happy” 2x2 families

HelloGreen · 09/08/2025 22:32

OneNeatBlueOrca · 09/08/2025 22:28

I found that held me back though. Men did feel alien to me. I've never really been around any. No dad and no male siblings.

I found it quite hard to reconcile when I was entering adulthood and starting dating. I had no idea what they were about or how to be around them. It isn't necessarily a good thing.

Show quote history

Yes I agree, if I came across positively about that point I didn’t mean too. It didn’t feel nice to feel awkward around men.

My other points were positive though.

Original poster
hellohellooo · 09/08/2025 22:37

changedwoman123 · 09/08/2025 22:31

3 things:
money
hating things at school that referred to mum and dad or mr and mrs
hating other “happy” 2x2 families

Can 100 per cent relate to this ❤️❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
hellohellooo · 09/08/2025 22:48

But I work extra hard and she has a great life

She is exposed to no trauma now
No pressures
Gentle parenting

A very loved strong little girl

OP posts:
R053 · 09/08/2025 22:48

My experience of growing up in a single parent family in the 1980s was one of being in a quieter, more calm home and no longer having to follow weird, strict rules I didn’t understand. My dad had a lot of trauma in his own childhood and I can see now that it often came out in the way he related to us. Back then, therapy was something only Americans did.

My mother was employed and was able to provide for us. There were times she had to be careful with money (I still remember “no chocolate biscuits or crisps this week”) but she always managed to take us on basic holidays such as camping in Wales and sometimes day trips on the train within the UK during school holidays. We went to places like Weston Super Mare and Barry Island on the train. She drove us to London quite often and we stayed with her extended family there while we hit the museums. She also took us to castles as well, which I found boring at the time but appreciate now.
Mum did her own DIY and I can still remember the neighbours looking on in amazement as she installed an upstairs window and one came around with his ladder to help.

I consider that I had a good childhood considering that life isn’t perfect and marriages often do not work out. I am glad I didn’t have to continue to live in a house with angry voices, tension etc.

Original poster
hellohellooo · 09/08/2025 22:55

R053 · 09/08/2025 22:48

My experience of growing up in a single parent family in the 1980s was one of being in a quieter, more calm home and no longer having to follow weird, strict rules I didn’t understand. My dad had a lot of trauma in his own childhood and I can see now that it often came out in the way he related to us. Back then, therapy was something only Americans did.

My mother was employed and was able to provide for us. There were times she had to be careful with money (I still remember “no chocolate biscuits or crisps this week”) but she always managed to take us on basic holidays such as camping in Wales and sometimes day trips on the train within the UK during school holidays. We went to places like Weston Super Mare and Barry Island on the train. She drove us to London quite often and we stayed with her extended family there while we hit the museums. She also took us to castles as well, which I found boring at the time but appreciate now.
Mum did her own DIY and I can still remember the neighbours looking on in amazement as she installed an upstairs window and one came around with his ladder to help.

I consider that I had a good childhood considering that life isn’t perfect and marriages often do not work out. I am glad I didn’t have to continue to live in a house with angry voices, tension etc.

She's bloody amazing!!!!

So lovely to hear that

OP posts:
Original poster
hellohellooo · 09/08/2025 22:57

On another thread someone made a comment about kids in single families never seeing an actual adult relationship modelled to them

But my d d now sees a mother suffering and I'm better off single

How will she ever get to know what a partnership really is??!!!!

OP posts:
bert3400 · 09/08/2025 23:01

I was bought up in a single parent household until I was 9, when my mum met the most awful man, he took every spare penny we had, which was very little, he sexually abused me, was violent to my mum and me ( when I got to teenage years) he abused my pets. It's was awful, I longed for the days when it was just me and my mum. I recovered from the trauma and went onto have the most wonderful relationship with my 2nd husband ( first husband was a disaster) and we have been together for 27 years...still blissfully happy. A stable happy home with love and security is the best thing you can do for your child/children...never ever doubt that ❤️

Ursulla · 09/08/2025 23:03

How will she ever get to know what a partnership really is??!!!!

They see other partnerships - friends' parents. They may view these with rose coloured glasses when younger but ime once they are teenagers they have a clearer view. There are a lot of duff men out there barely clinging on to family life and my kids were quite good at spotting them. Actually those conversations were fun.

Ursulla · 09/08/2025 23:06

@bert3400 I'm so sorry but am glad you found happiness. What a great gift you gave to yourself to find the strength and do that.

Original poster
hellohellooo · 09/08/2025 23:06

bert3400 · 09/08/2025 23:01

I was bought up in a single parent household until I was 9, when my mum met the most awful man, he took every spare penny we had, which was very little, he sexually abused me, was violent to my mum and me ( when I got to teenage years) he abused my pets. It's was awful, I longed for the days when it was just me and my mum. I recovered from the trauma and went onto have the most wonderful relationship with my 2nd husband ( first husband was a disaster) and we have been together for 27 years...still blissfully happy. A stable happy home with love and security is the best thing you can do for your child/children...never ever doubt that ❤️

Wow my gosh !!!!!!!

Sending you so much good wishes

Fcking abusive men are such scum

I know so many abusers who prey on vulnerable single parents 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

OP posts:
Original poster
hellohellooo · 10/08/2025 09:56

..

OP posts:
tooloololoo · 10/08/2025 09:59

Had a good life
mum was very independent and earned well whilst she was working from home

she did respite care and earned v well in those days.

dad was around.
i probably made my own bad choices with men due to an anxious attachment.

I would say if you have a daughter
get her to read Attached by Amir Levine in her late teens.
it will help her understand relationships and what is right/ wrong in how she feels when entering a relationship

Men are great for guidance, financial stability and many other ways
however I don’t think it’s the be all and end all