What was the impact of being raised in a single parent home

[hellohellooo]

Just on the back of the thread about judging single parents

(Single parent here)

What was your experience being brought up by a single parent?

I do worry that my d d has only a few strong male role models (cousins and good friends)

And how she copes when kids ask why her father left

Hmmm?!!!

@Whoknowswherethewindsblow You make a valid point although the choice of partner can be more complicated. As parents we need to take responsibility for the life we are bringing our children into. So often, children’s needs can be overlooked.

I don’t blame my mother for her poor choice of life partner - yes it didn’t just impact her and had lasting impacts on her children but people and life aren’t perfect and we do our best

So true

Sorry to hear that

It is not a situation to be taken lightly

The protective factors for my daughter are:

Safe calm home
Calm mother
Not subject to abuse
Not having to leave home quickly as the father had trashed the house
Good salary
Very kind friends
Lovely holidays
Lots of extra clubs each week
Time to talk through her worries with me

I think the poster was referring to other children asking the child.

I do think some people are idealising marriage here. My parents are still together and I am low contact as my dad is an alcoholic, though not an abusive one. He doesn't drink when we do see him, but I just don't want to be around him and don't have much of a relationship with him. I'd see more of my mum if she was no longer with him for sure, but I also see that she enables him.

My dad has never lifted a finger to help me and I often feel envious of people with involved, caring dads, some of whom are divorced from their mums but still good fathers and grandfathers.

I'm divorced and, while my dc see their dad regularly and he does an ok job, there are disadvantages for them and I know they get irritated with having to move between the two houses - 80/20 split. However, plenty of people have less than ideal situations, for all sorts of reasons, both in marriage and outside of it. Poverty is a massive factor and, while more likely to impact single parent families, where it doesn't I think many of the perceived disadvantages are removed.

I think it's so easy to say that women should consider their choice of partner more seriously when you haven't been in a situation where you did just that and it still went pear-shaped. I married a lovely man. Intelligent, funny, shared values, hands on dad. Then he lost his mum, dove into the bottle and ended up an abusive alcoholic. You can't tell. You really can't.

I hear this all the time, but in all the relationships I’ve actually seen irl where one partner (regardless of gender) turned out to be an out and out wrong un (as opposed to the relationship just not working out - which obviously happens) there were clear signs from the outset. The other partner just couldn’t or wouldn’t recognise them.

Most shitty people aren’t Machiavellian geniuses. They’re not particularly adept at hiding their nature.

We had none of that afterwards and some of it beforehand. Happy mum does not always equal happy children

Thank you so much for all your helpful replies

It has made me think long and hard about everything

All the good

And ALL the bad

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A friend was saying that she will miss out badly on not having a father in the house as the first love of her life and she will forever be lost because of this !!!

I see where she is coming from but it just feels OTt??

..

I think that's a ridiculous comment from your friend, and not very supportive either. As I said upthread, I have a far from ideal relationship with my father, despite living with him throughout my childhood. So do many other people. And I don't think it's so wonderful or healthy to idolise your father to the extent she describes anyway.

Your friend is not acting like a friend

I think she is foolish to be honest

Making it seem like she has years of sadness ahead of her with men

Or just brutally honest and can't help herself

..

Parent over shares with you as they don’t have anyone else to talk to

I have heard some friends experience this

Not an easy one xx

I do not tolerate this sort of comment from supposed friends. I get rid of unsupportive women with their sweeping comments based largely on very little.

Well that's the truth xx

Only single parent today as DD started pre school

Felt like others were staring a bit but who cares

D d is a very happy well adjusted three year old and we are away from abuse finally

Hold your head high OP. It’s quality, not quantity 💕

Well that's true

I go through phases of booking lots of trips and activities for them to compensate

The best days we have are the simple ones at home
Painting , movies, hot chocolate

I can do this 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

It’s much more common now but back then I was the only child of divorced parents in my school year.

Mostly I felt much poorer than my peers. Mum was an emotional and anxious person so it could be claustrophobic. Especially after my lovely grandparents died and it was just us.

I never had any privacy, home was 1 bedroom, tiny. Moved out at 18.

Had lots of positive male role models/family but took me ages to settle down. I had low self esteem, not sure how much of that was due to having no father though.

DD and DH have a lovely bond and she is so much more confident than I was.