Upset by DH’s ‘misjudgment’ aka lack of common sense

[Tothink]

We went to a waterpark today for the first time with our two sons (aged 2&4).

DS1 (eldest) is much more water confident than DS2 and doesn’t mind going down the slides, getting hair/eyes wet etc. DS2 a lot more apprehensive and even looks too small for the slides.

At one point DS1 wanted to go down the biggest slide (it was a fully closed tunnel slide which went from the top of the waterpark down to the bottom. It had various bends and turns. DS1 went down it fine. DH took him up there (quite a way up), he carried DS2 with him but I assumed he would walk back down the steps to the bottom once DS1 had entered the slide. But no… I saw him lower DS2 into the slide and I went slightly ballistic from the bottom, trying to shout up and signal to him ‘NO!’. He obviously did it any way. He put DS2 in the tunnel and off he went.

I waited right at the bottom for DS2 to appear. I waited. I waited. I started to fucking panic like there is no tomorrow and then I hear him screaming ‘mama, mama’. And truly in that moment my whole body went to absolute jelly. He is a very small 2 year old and was clearly terrified, stuck alone in this fully closed long ass tunnel.

To clarify, there’s no water going through the tunnel obviously, I mean it’s wet in there due to wet swimwear going through it but no stream of water. However, it’s the mere fact that I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him screaming for me.

Then he stopped screaming for me and I panicked even more. Lifeguards all came over but didn’t actually know what to suggest because DS2 had obviously gotten stuck somewhere in the tunnel and seeing as he is only 2, he didn’t really know to keep sliding himself down. Nobody could slide down it and get him because apparently it was too risky (if they went down too fast they could bang into him).

He eventually came out, shaking like an absolute leaf. It honestly felt like ages. The screaming made it worse but then the silent parts were even worse than that.

Furious at DH and feeling so shaken by it.

Roads and cars are actually very dangerous though. A dry water slide with you standing at the bottom and him standing at the top isn’t dangerous, it is just scary. I would be upset by it and cross but road safety is a lot more important.

If the child is traumatised for life it’ll be because of a lack of supportive adult response. Children survive much worse than being stuck on a slide for a miniature or two without adverse affects.

You would potentially do this after they calm down.

running around and flapping after the fact will heighten the emotions rather than sitting down having cuddles and some water to drink.

nothing more or less until they feel calm enough to walk. Then you let DH and ds4 go back and play while sitting comfortably so ds2 can see its safe.

it the same as when your child falls over and if you start flapping they cry and if you don’t the brush off and keep moving.

catastrophisng even in a catastrophe isn’t how you practice resilience or emotional regulation. Sitting down breathing and then self assessing is how you model good behaviour and reduce a trauma response or long term effects for a low level harm

He was never in any danger ffs, no water, plenty air. Those tunnels are big enough for adults to sit, the child could probably have stood up in it and walked out (as he is sooooo small....), or at least crawled out on hands and knees if he couldn't slide. So much drama over 60 seconds of literally nothing.

Easy to see why we have a generation of young people riddled with anxiety.

I agree with you. Children are individuals and need to be treated differently. From now on let your DH take DS1 on swimming adventures, while you take DS2 to the local pool. He will be quite happy with that for a few years yet. Once DS2 becomes more confident and stronger you can all go together again to Water Parks. He is only 2. Still only a baby really.

I would be utterly furious. As I read your post my heart was beating fast with the worry you must have felt. Terrible judgement on his part and I think a full reset with your husband would be required if it was me.

My exDH had absolutely NO sense of safety for my DC when young.
I was glad that, as a disabled Mum, he was taking them to do things I couldn't but he didn't seem to 'see' safety issues (edge of castle wall, super-high slide)
One of my todders was completely fearless & would just 'go over' any edge.
The other was Dyspraxic (it turned out later) & much more reticent. Only when Ds teacher Godmother politely but firmly said exH couldn't watch her Ds in a toddler swing whilst she queued for icecream I realised I wasn't 'overreacting'.

OP any sensible parent would have put child on lap to go down (if slide big enough) or waited until your 2 year old was more confident. I'd firmly tell him. Take your Dc back into the water asap. perhaps around but not on slides atm.
Dc is fine, he will be fine. Your exH needs to convince you that he 'gets it' tho.

I don't think I could ever trust your husband again if I were you. What an absolute idiot endangering your child like that sending him down on his own. Absolute idiot.

But OP also allowed the child to go up to the top with his dad. The child said he wanted to go down the slide. He was the correct height, life guard agreed all was good. This is not just on OP’s dh … it’s both of them. If she felt so strongly that he shouldn’t go down the slide, then why did she allow him to go up? She should have insisted he stayed at the bottom with her 🤷‍♀️

But they were the rules of the slide 🤷‍♀️
OP also let the child go to the top .. not just the dad 🤷‍♀️

How was the child endangered? It was a child's slide, adults not allowed to accompany him, child met the age/height requirementbls to use it. He took a bit longer than he should to get through it and was momentariy scared but wasn't except possibly by the overly dramatic reaction since.

I think posters are missing the fact that the child was above the height restriction, life guard was fine with it all, the slide had no water so was not dangerous, adults are NOT allowed to take children on the slide - that’s the rule on this particular slide. The dad did not just chuck his child down the slide. The child wanted to go down. He had been taken to the top for this very reason - otherwise OP would and should have kept him at the bottom.

Full reset?

Do you think he's a robot?

The child wasn’t in danger there were lifeguards monitoring (who I assume did not send down another child until he came out which would be a danger) and he met the height restriction.

Given the above I suspect it was nowhere near the slide the OP has made it out to be given adults were not allowed on it and the child was

@Tothink you need to give your head a wobble yes it was an unpleasant experience but these things happen in life and parenting. Your DH made a judgment call - probably one which was 50/50 as to who would make and who wouldn’t but not one that is the end of the world

getting panicked and stuck on rides happens (I had a massive panic on a Disney ride recently) and I have learnt whst I like and don’t lkme

Your heart was beating fast because a kid you don’t know got stuck on a slide? And a full “reset” for her husband. What does that entail exactly?

This thread is really bringing out some crazy in posters.

I think, as his dad who clearly loves and cares about him, he made a decision which he thought your DS would enjoy. It turns out he didn't enjoy it & Dad misjudged it. No harm done. Frightening for DC but a simple reassurance after would have been fine & I'm sure his dad wouldn't have rushed him back up there. Rushing him out of the pool seems like too much but you know your child best. I very much doubt your DH done it with malice & I'm sure he has learned his lesson. Unfortunately he has a right to make his own decisions on what his child can cope with so you're going to have to trust him.

I imagine your son’s trauma came from finding himself trapped in a long tunnel, not from being “stuck on a slide”, two very different experiences. He had no way of knowing what to expect once inside the tunnel, so he must have been very frightened indeed. His fear probably wasn’t to do with the water either, as once he came out of the tunnel he was in safe hands.

Glad to hear he’s happier now.

Wtf! I would be contacting social services if I worked at that water park

Why???

The kid was allowed on the slide by the lifeguard/supervisor. He was the right height and wanted to go on.

What would social services care about in this situation?

Because one parent put a child on an age appropriate slide while then other waited at the bottom? All completely in line with the waterpark's own procedures. He was never in any danger.

What exactly would you expect to happen? Then only red(dish)flag here is the mother's over reaction. They might ask how she's coping generally.

How lax of you. I'd have been straight on to 999. And probs the Home Office.

Oh the 2 year old wanted to go on? I didn't realise. Sounds fine then. They should be able to judge the danger.

OP hasn't commented on their immigration status. Keep up !

What danger? What exactly do you expect SS to do? Child is a small 2 year old (as per the OP) who is still taller than the height restriction, so the slide must have been absolutely tiny! Children often want to do things and then they realise they didn't like it. That's how they learn. It's not like the OP's DH put the child on a bucking bronco because the child wanted to go on the pony! He simply allowed the child to go on the height appropriate slide that he wanted to.

I'm assuming that poster is taking the piss