Upset by DH’s ‘misjudgment’ aka lack of common sense

[Tothink]

We went to a waterpark today for the first time with our two sons (aged 2&4).

DS1 (eldest) is much more water confident than DS2 and doesn’t mind going down the slides, getting hair/eyes wet etc. DS2 a lot more apprehensive and even looks too small for the slides.

At one point DS1 wanted to go down the biggest slide (it was a fully closed tunnel slide which went from the top of the waterpark down to the bottom. It had various bends and turns. DS1 went down it fine. DH took him up there (quite a way up), he carried DS2 with him but I assumed he would walk back down the steps to the bottom once DS1 had entered the slide. But no… I saw him lower DS2 into the slide and I went slightly ballistic from the bottom, trying to shout up and signal to him ‘NO!’. He obviously did it any way. He put DS2 in the tunnel and off he went.

I waited right at the bottom for DS2 to appear. I waited. I waited. I started to fucking panic like there is no tomorrow and then I hear him screaming ‘mama, mama’. And truly in that moment my whole body went to absolute jelly. He is a very small 2 year old and was clearly terrified, stuck alone in this fully closed long ass tunnel.

To clarify, there’s no water going through the tunnel obviously, I mean it’s wet in there due to wet swimwear going through it but no stream of water. However, it’s the mere fact that I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him screaming for me.

Then he stopped screaming for me and I panicked even more. Lifeguards all came over but didn’t actually know what to suggest because DS2 had obviously gotten stuck somewhere in the tunnel and seeing as he is only 2, he didn’t really know to keep sliding himself down. Nobody could slide down it and get him because apparently it was too risky (if they went down too fast they could bang into him).

He eventually came out, shaking like an absolute leaf. It honestly felt like ages. The screaming made it worse but then the silent parts were even worse than that.

Furious at DH and feeling so shaken by it.

DH is an absolute idiot for putting DS2 on the slide but you overreacted and essentially punished your DS by removing him from the pool when you could have just stayed with him in the water.
I'm also not sure why you let DH go up the steps with both children when you didn't want DS2' on the slide. Why didn't one of you wait near the bottom with DS2?
Anyway your DH clearly has no common sense and doesn't seem to know what his children will enjoy but some people are being OTT claiming they'd never trust DH again or couldn't get past it.
It was an idiotic thing to do but most of us as parents have made stupid mistakes. I mean you can carry on not speaking to DH but I'm not sure what that's going to achieve.

Exactly.

@Tothink can you post a picture of the slide or link from their website? I’m struggling to picture this huge slide that has a height requirement low enough for your 2 year old yet is so scary and dangerous.

How lucky your children must be to have such a cool, rational and calculating mother. Always connected to the head, always knowing the apropriate amount of emotion to show in any circumstance.
Shame on us, the hysterical ones!

@BlueSeagull

It's not unusual to see this sort of setup, essentially a regular slide just exiting into splash pad area

Sensible post. Rara avis. Thank you.

Are you the op? I’m confused.

What?

And in what planet does that constitute a 'huge slide'? And when have they ever had lifeguards at the top?

And how has a two year old got stuck in it then magically unstuck themselves in the time for all these lifeguards to come over?

Not aiming to shame anyone. As parents we misjudge things all the time. I presume OP is open to reading different views as she's posted on a forum.

You’re thanking posters as if you’re the op on a name change?

Those aren’t huge slides!!

Oh, I didn't understand. No, I'm not the OP. I like to thank sensible posters, yes. Cringey, maybe. But honest!

I've no idea whether that's the sort of thing the op was at. Just giving an example of a slide at a water park without running water

I've been a lifeguard stood at the top of that sort of structure. Mainly as it's a good vantage point and to stop adults trying to go down together with little kids!

There are two things here

1 - How much danger the child was actually in
2- Whether the child was the sort of child that would like the slide experience, would find it challenging but ok or would be terrified so that it would put them off for life.

I think that despite all the hyperbole and hysteria of the first post it seems like your later posts have made it clear that the answer to 1) was no real danger at all so I can't really fault your DH for that

As for 2). It sounds like your DH made a misjudgement. It doen't sound like he is generally a careless father who is not usually careful with safety (from your ownlater posts) so I assume it is not part of a pattern of behaviour (which would make a difference to my view of it)

Given all this, It seems to me that you are furious that your DH made a mistake that left you and your DS very scared. Whilst not ideal, it was not a deliberate act and nobody was in real danger. To be so furious you refuse to even look at your DH is way way over the top in my view.

Whilst I think your DH's comment about making too much of deal about it is probably driven by his need to not feel even worse about what he did, I also think he has a small point.

Your DS had a fright because your DH failed to know your DS well enough to know the slide would scare him too much. That is a mistake and not ideal parenting but hardly the crime of the century. Calmly helping children overcome fear in a safe environment is good parenting. Screaming and wailing and panicking in the same situation - not so much.

either of you had a fine parenting moment in this situation. You DH in not knowing your son well enough and misjudging how he would react and you in panicking when it was not necessary

Your DS really will be fine and your DH is right that how you deal with this going forward may affect how scared he is in future and how he deal with his fear.

If you really want this not to affect your child in the long term, you may want to work with you DH and discuss how to handle any future reactions to similar slides. Make sure you are on the same page about this and then forget about it

Alternatively you can add to the child's distress and make this all about how angry you are with your DH for scaring you with no attempt to sort it out but to keep punishing your DH

I think it all depends exactly how "bad" this slide was. If a 2yo met the height restriction, it can't have been quite as bad as you describe it, which makes me wonder about your reaction too.

I tend to agree with DH that a better recovery would have been some cuddles and a snack, and some water play once everyone had calmed down. All this drama won't be helping anyone.

Like many others I’m struggling to understand the setup here - I’ve been to many water parks in the UK and abroad and never seen a big, tall slide with twists and turns that is totally dry. It doesn’t make sense. Loads of people would get stuck, surely?

I also feel that OP overreacted a bit - yes it wouldn’t have been nice hearing your child upset, but as a grown up who knew the setup of the slide they must have known that the child was in no actual danger? Just taking their time coming out of the slide. And if the OP could hear the child shouting then they could have simply shouted back at them to keep making their way down the slide. All a bit mountain out of molehill.

I took my son on a rollercoaster he wasn’t quite ready for once (though he met the height restrictions) and he was quite upset - I gave him a hug, told him he was brave, and got on with our day! No harm done. He now loves rollercoasters!

@HauntedHero It's not unusual to see this sort of setup, essentially a regular slide just exiting into splash pad area

Except that is not at all what OP has described. The description is a huge slide, sets of stairs, and large enough to require lifeguards up the top as well. But dry, with no water.

Sorry I didn't mean to sound like I was having a pop at you!

That's the only type of structure I can think of but it wouldn't fit with the idea of a lifeguard controlled one that is so big someone has to gesticulate from the bottom.

Curiouser and curiouser

I’m the same. I can think of a local place that has a pirate themed area a bit like that and you do get
life guards at the top to do crowd control and make sure the kids take turns.

but I’ve never seen an adult take a child on a slide like that! And it’s not up incredibly high etc etc

That’s really weird there was no water . There is always water in them, that’s how people move along .
In most water parks the water is switched off when the slides are closed as they are then unusable .

Yes that's strange

So Adoptive moms don’t get distressed because heir kids didn’t come from their bodies?

Interesting. .

That's an outrageous comment. He's scarcely more than a baby. His father should have e held him and gone down with him. Being terrified at that age can cause so many problems later on.

My friend's youngest is 5yo and he likes the idea of going up tall playground structures but then is prone to panic and distress once he's up there as he's not actually keen on heights. So he'll climb up treetop trail kinds of things or tall climbing frames with his older brother, and then when he's at the top he'll have a panic and start melting down about being scared and is too frightened to go down the slide or climb back down. It's unfair to stop him going up if he wants to try it, but equally you can't do very much to help if he's at the top of a climbing frame and it would be difficult for an adult to get up there and carry him off - he needs to be talked through staying calm and take himself down the slide or reverse how he climbed up. It's just one of those life with kids things, they sometimes panic when they aren't in any real danger and you can't really help except trying to calm them to get themselves out of being stuck.

Honestly, if you are overly reactive in situations like this that is something you need to work on. Her ds was upset and she needed to be calm for him. Kids learn from our reactions, and her panicking would have triggered him more.