How to tell my friend who lives in Saudi to stop bloody patronising me!

[SomeLikeitSnot]

My friend lives in KSA with her family and LOVES it. Loves having a live in maid, pool on site, glitz and glamour. Great- v happy for her! Shes in the UK over summer visiting and we are seeing her a lot and shes driving me INSANE.
Shes taken on this real 'aw poor you stuck in UK its sooo hard here' mentality and I find it so grating. I have no inclination to move to Saudi/the middle east and her acting like Im jealous of her life is becoming so tiresome.
When we are chatting she will keep saying 'sorry I'll stop going on about the sun and lifestyle it must be hard to hear!' when I honestly couldnt care less. Sounds great for her and I love the stories- I also love the UK countryside/weather/culture/all our friends and family. I think she feels me prickling and thinks is jealousy.
I remember from visiting friends in the UAE everyone is v anti-UK and thinks its a shithole and theres a real feeling of people 'escaping' to the ME but I really don't mind it here and I want to say something to cut out the comments.
She is a friend so I wont want to make a sarky comment about womens rights/death penalty etc just a 'please stop feeling sorry for me, I dont want your life'!

I knew a woman from Germany that did this all the time. Most days, several conversations a day. Everything in Germany was better, out for a meal service better in Germany, in the pub, beer better, talking about life, German traditions better/ UK people get married too early ( we were 30), cooking German produce tastes better etc etc. it was draining and a bit comical at the same time seeing as she had lived here for 10 years at the time and is still here 20 years later....

Sounds like she’s really trying hard to convince herself. Why as a woman she’d choose to live there is beyond me. Just start quoting amnesty international’s views on human right breaches there to her!

😂

You can buy Xmas trees there now.

Good call.😂

‘sorry I'll stop going on about the sun and lifestyle it must be hard to hear!'

OP, that’s your prompt to say …….yes, I’ve really enjoyed hearing about the shiny glitz, glamour and sunshine but now for a bit of balance, tell me your views on the darker side of living there and I’ll remind you of the best bits of living in the UK.

People use 'Ex-pat' because it has been in common parlance for centuries, not because they don't want to be called a migrant.

I know it isn't the main point of the thread, but just because something has been normalised in a particular culture doesn't make it acceptable. These people may pay the going rate, but it is still peanuts (especially considering that they are probably earning huge salaries). They may think they treat the people who work for them better than most local employers, but what does that actually look like in reality? They are still exploiting vulnerable individuals. It's appalling.

I hope you don't buy any products made in low or middle income countries (including china). And never go on holiday (or in fact travel where you may need to stay in a hotel or eat in a restaurant) in any low or middle income country. Because otherwise you too are exploiting vulnerable individuals.

Excellent whataboutism. 😅 Of course it's true that capitalism is inherently exploitative. But I can say with certainty that I've never employed someone on the terms that wealthy people in Saudi Arabia and elsewhere routinely do.

I see that you also live abroad in a "privileged bubble." Perhaps you feel a bit defensive about that?

I think she’s trying to convince herself!! Saudi is very different to Dubai for example. My husband worked in Saudi for a year … it’s oppressive, dangerous to foreigners if anything happens to you eg a RTA you’ll be blamed, it’s dry and generally restrictive / boring!! We couldn’t visit him. Not that we wanted to! As a woman you can’t do much alone. They had make / female /family segregation in restaurants etc etc. If you like maids and sitting in a complex - go for it. Otherwise no thanks so she’s probably just hoping to make herself feel better.

100 per cent this

I might ask "What's the hardest thing for you about living in Saudi?"

Hmm from what you’ve said, actually sounds like she’s trying to cover/mask something as in, if life is soooo fabulous; why keep going on about it like that.
I reckon she’s actually lonely and doesn’t love it as much as she says.
even so, it’s very annoying her keep saying it to you.
I think you need to think of a good retort back when she says it’s next.

This.

I would just politely and firmly respond with something like ‘Theres’s no need to feel sorry for me X, being an English flower I don’t think I’d survive in the heat of the ME!’ Make it something like a joke rather than turn it into criticism. If she continues after that, there are other jokes you could make like ‘yes, but I couldn’t get X product there and I just can’t live without that!’ I’d try and keep it light and eventually she will get fed up with making these comments. Sounds like it’s a fishing expedition though in that she wants you to say something like ‘yes, you’re so lucky…’

I have had this with friends (and I’ve gone to visit and hated it).

I shut it down by saying “I’m so surprised you think I would like that? No, not for me.”

and repeat repeat repeat - every time that horrid sympathy running down UK starts.

And agree - from what I’ve seen trashing the UK is almost a sport over there among ex-PATs.

It depends how rude you want to be. I’d be tempted to say, when she says she’s going on, that you sort of zone out when she goes on about it.

In all seriousness, a comment about human rights/ women’s rights might stop her. “ The Lifestyle sounds lovely but I’m quite attached to my human rights and don’t fancy being a second class citizen based on my sex.”

Having lived in Saudi it is easier in some ways to the uk, wages are high which also helps with a surprising amount to do as the country is very geared towards family. I doubt she regrets her choice as I’ve met ppl that do and they’re not shy about telling you they hate it.

is there a chance she’s apologising because other ppl have told her that she’s trying to make them jealous when she tells them stories/talks too much? Just tell her you enjoy her stories but it wouldn’t b for you. Different strokes for different folks 🤷♀️

Tell her 'F' off

What goes around comes around lets see where she is in ten years time. Arogance sometimes has a price to pay

“No , it isn’t hard to hear, I quite like having rights and gay people not being stoned to death here at home”

Just this. No need to be sarky. Just say you're happy for her but you're happy where you are and don't want to go and live in the Middle East. Hopefully she'll calm down (fingers crossed!!).

I found the weather miserable. Why too hot. You barely ever experince a nice cold breeze. It feels like someone has left the convection oven door open all the bloody time. I got sick of the air con after 2 weeka and wanted to feel a REAL cool breeze! You can't just go for a stroll in the days no one does it so hot and insufferable. There is no joy being stuck indoors all bloody day and being trapped in air con.

I love the UK weather the change in seasons having a cool breeze, snow, autumn leaves, winter cosy nights.

Loads I loved about Saudi halal food, clothing that suits me all over as a Muslim who wears Hijab. So many pros but the weather is a massive con that and cockroaches running all over!!!