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Original poster

Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

491 replies

Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 21:35

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

OP posts:
Nachoinseachthu · 03/08/2025 07:56

Do you have young children and could there be any knock on risk to them? Are there any photos of them in their school uniform on your FB page, for example? If the poster’s profile and messages are fake. I guess you have no idea where they actually live. Hopefully at least 3 hours drive away!

Spindrifts · 03/08/2025 08:01

I watched a documentary once where this ordinary mom across the pond made up this whole new life on line as a model and some bloke in the UK fell for her and was going to meet her. When he and his brother finally did track her down, mid west somewhere, it turned out she was like 'Mrs Next Door Mom' with an everyday life in an everyday way. She just loved living a fantasy life on line.

butterpuffed · 03/08/2025 08:04

Why wasn't she staying at yours , did you have a discussion about it ?

digiwidgy · 03/08/2025 08:08

I definitely think I’d have to ask HQ if there is anything sinister in this persons messages and account. It’s very odd. 4 year. That’s a long time to play a game.

TeaAndStrumpets · 03/08/2025 08:09

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AtlasPine · 03/08/2025 08:13

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Any OP in any post could be but generally it is kinder to assume not to avoid withholding support from someone who is much more likely to be genuine.

id always rather waste a little time occasionally on a troll than snub a fellow woman who really is baffled or upset by something and reaching out for support.

AtlasPine · 03/08/2025 08:14

butterpuffed · 03/08/2025 08:04

Why wasn't she staying at yours , did you have a discussion about it ?

That would be bonkers until you’d met face to face first.

NetZeroZealot · 03/08/2025 08:15

Could it have been a ruse to get you out of the house for some reason?

Blanca87 · 03/08/2025 08:16

I think this thread might end up in some low rent, shit news paper, op.

PiriPiriMenopause · 03/08/2025 08:19

sounds like this person is just a fantasist. Could be someone in a horrible relationship? But it does sound to me that they’ve created a world for theirselves that doesn’t necessarily match up with yours. It’s a shame you went to such lengths to find out but at least you know now.

SheridansPortSalut · 03/08/2025 08:23

Have you ever watched MTV Catfished? Your story ticks all the boxes. The relationships go on for years. You want to know why - when it all catches up with them they usually don't even know themselves why they did it.. It's likely that none of what 'she' told you is true. The chaotic home life that you refer to is likely to be all made up. The different user names on n
Mumsnet would suggest that you're not the only user they have a WhatsApp friendship with.

TeaAndStrumpets · 03/08/2025 08:23

AtlasPine · 03/08/2025 08:13

Any OP in any post could be but generally it is kinder to assume not to avoid withholding support from someone who is much more likely to be genuine.

id always rather waste a little time occasionally on a troll than snub a fellow woman who really is baffled or upset by something and reaching out for support.

Show quote history

Maybe.

IkeaJesusChrist · 03/08/2025 08:24

Some people are not right in the head, regardless of gender.

AtlasPine · 03/08/2025 08:27

Blanca87 · 03/08/2025 08:16

I think this thread might end up in some low rent, shit news paper, op.

This ⬆️

OneCoralHare · 03/08/2025 08:28

can you exclude the intervention of a third person as to why she didn’t turn up? She arrived and said she was parking

i hope she is ok. It sounds very strange. I hope the chaotic personal
life doesn’t include being followed by a dodgy ex and that she’s safe!

Toptotoe · 03/08/2025 08:30

my guess is you’ve been pouring your heart out to a bloke . . .

ShoeeMcfee · 03/08/2025 08:33

There was a catfish case in the papers recently about a catfish that went on for years at the time, do you remember? A young woman thought she was talking to a bloke and it turned out it was her female cousin all along. Completely barking!

Whaleandsnail6 · 03/08/2025 08:34

I think she has behaved appalling op, and I'm glad you are OK.

If she is genuine, and had no intention of meeting you, and this was some cruel game, then to actually let you get to the stage where you are sitting waiting alone by a restaurant is shit. She should have stopped way before that point (well she shouldn't have dont it at all but ykwim)

If she had sudden anxiety then the least she owes you was a quick whats app to so "sorry, can't do this I'm going home" before blocking you if she really didn't want to continue contact

I suspect that she hasn't been true to you in all she has said and probably never had any intention of meeting you.

I haven't read every reply on this thread so don't know if this has been mentioned but there is a podcast called Sweet Bobby about the most bizarre catfish I have ever heard of. Frustrating as,like your situation , there seems to be no reasoning or explanation and its such a huge betrayal

I'm glad you are in a good enough place to have made the best of the night op and met up with some friends.

This could have really negatively impacted someone elses mental health, making the effort to travel to be stood up alone and its worrying that people can do that to people

SilverHammer · 03/08/2025 08:37

I’ve had my suspicions over a few threads recently. Always with a similar theme. Woman trapped with a very unreasonable man. Situation initially not too bad but a lot of drip feeding makes it seem worse. Everyone encourages them to leave which they usually do, finding a convenient rental and job within a week or so. Then we never hear from them again but lo and behold a similar thread pops up. I have wondered if it is the same person living in some fantasy world conning us all.

ShoeeMcfee · 03/08/2025 08:39

Toptotoe · 03/08/2025 08:30

my guess is you’ve been pouring your heart out to a bloke . . .

I must admit, I rather thought this too.

merrymelody · 03/08/2025 08:41

Which hotel was she staying in? Could you check to see if a reservation had been made in her name?

taxidriver · 03/08/2025 08:46

that is odd
cold feet
strung you along and never had any intention
sorry op @Crazylittlethingcalledpeople

jumpingthehighjump · 03/08/2025 08:46

OP I hope you are okay because that is a horrible thing to happen

Being an old cynic, I hate to say it but I believe very little that people offer upon here about their personal and private lives. Even with regular posters because I often see anomalies and contradictions and I think hmmmm, that really goes against what you were saying a few years ago.

Fortunately or unfortunately I have a bizarre memory for little details and I spot it but I do understand that posters change details for privacy purposes. However some of the changes are ridiculous!

OP I am sorry that has happened to you, I really would bring it to the attention of mnhq because this person might escalate their behaviour.

Highlighta · 03/08/2025 08:50

I would also be creeped out as some random person knows your whole life situation.

My guess is the person is jealous of your life, so has just set their own similar one up. And by communicating you have inadvertently fed their fake situation.

Maybe the fake meet up was the end. They don't dont need you anymore. Perhaps you have become too boring OP 😂
Or your life has altered away from their fantasy life.

Just block as well incase they ever do unblock you.

Lavenderandclimbingrose · 03/08/2025 08:51

The whole thing is weird. I’m guessing she knows your birthday, first name, last name, kids names, place of work etc which is creepy.