Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

[Crazylittlethingcalledpeople]

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

OP could still ring the hotel, pretend to be the person, and say that she left something in her room. She'll soon know if there was a booking when she tells the hotel "her" name and the date of the meet-up. OP will have to say she can't remember the room number and ask the staff member to look it up, as the housekeeping will have to check the room. If the staff can't find the booking, OP will know.

I suspect this person never booked a room nor set off, and just likes playing with people because it gives them some sense of power.

Very strange behaviour. You said you exchanged photos, did you ever share anything that could be concerning if it ended up in the wrong hands, such as pictures of children?

Oh so weird.

something similar happened to my friends son last month.

he had a crappy situation where he had to move out on June30th and move into next place on July1st. Neither landlord would let him leave his bed in the garage or house a day late or early (yes he offered to pay something)

he organises a lift with a friend and the guy says leave your bed in my garage overnight no problem, the 2 houses are round the corner, it’s a 1 hour job I’m not working you can buy me a beer afterwards to say thanks.

June 30th friend comes round to house, helps put a couple of boxes of third guy in his truck to take round to his new house and says I’ll be back in 30 minutes.

friends son messages after an hour, no reply, gets increasingly frantic, messages a few more times with no response and eventually realises he has been blocked by the guy with the car.

just so freakin’ bizarre! Why would you do that? What is wrong with people?

This sounds very difficult Lesley1945. I think maybe if you start a new thread of your own you will get more help.

Yeah 4 years is a very long game to play!

could it be someone from your youth who you pissed off and she recognised you on here and decided to get revenge for the time you pipped her to the French prize in year 7?

or something like that.

Hi I have been asked to start my own thread on here regarding the above I’m not sure how to do this?

@Lesley1945 I am sorry that sounds difficult for you. I agree with PennyRest if you start your own thread, (use the purple button top middle saying start thread) there are lots of topics you could post under gransnet, chat, relationships. I hope you get some good suggestions.

I remember watching a few episodes of the series Catfish on MTV back in the day. It is mind boggling what people will do for a connection. Literally people invested in each other and talking for years without meeting or a phone call. Usually the catfishers have extreme social isolation and insecurity, they struggle to connect in real life and create a persona. Sometimes it's not romantic at all, just a need for connection.

The odd thing is the person who was catfished. What makes them have a relationship with someone they haven't met or talked on the phone to for years? They seem to have normal lives but don't question sharing intimate details of their life with a stranger. There is usually a reason for them not wanting to question the relationship either.

With kindness OP, I would probably hesitate in the future before sending photos of yourself or sharing details with someone from the Internet who you haven't met, spoken to in real life or even know is real. 72 friends on FB is nothing - random people will add others as friends. I'm presuming she never shared her address, workplace etc. She may not exist. At worst, she may be taking your details to use either with someone else or some kind of identity fraud depending on what you have shared. It is sad we live in that kind of world. It's good you have friends and family around you but I can imagine it is a bit upsetting, or at least disconcerting.

OP please message @mumsnet Directly and let them look into whether they are DMing other people too.

To @Lesley1945 - I'm sorry you're in what sounds a very upsetting situation.

This link should let you start your own thread in Chat:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/create-thread?topic=_chat

Sounds to me like someone who was living a fantasy life and decided to end it in this weird way.

She/he knew they couldn't meet you in real life without giving the game away, so pretended to turn up to meet you, taking the fantasy right up to the last moment before turning it off.

All they were getting out of the relationship was some company and something to fill their spare moments with I suppose.

Definitely unhealthy and also exploitive of another person in a very self-centred way.

Maybe she was kidnapped in the car park? I havent RTFT if anyone else has suggested that....

That is very weird. I guess a reminder that we never know what is going on in someone’s head.

Yes, definitely do this! ^^

So sorry this happened to you op! No wonder you are unsettled by it! It’s so creepy and wierd! Like someone is playing with you.

And apart from that it’s really rude and unkind.

So glad they didn’t have your home address! I’d be worried about someone breaking in to my home while you were sat there waiting for them!

Thank heavens you didn’t invite them to have coffee or stay over with you! After four years of contact some people might be lullled in to a false sense of security about the friendship.

Op there are some fucking weirdos out there......we had a woman on a Facebook group years ago. She used to post in depth about about her stillborn daughter, on anniversaries etc. She ran groups for people whod gone through still birth, she'd post about the child she adopted who had SN. (( She did strike me as odd here as I also have SN dc and she knew nothing about education processes or strategies. ))

Anyways she was outed when she posted a Christmas photo from her home in the feckin Cotswolds or wherever it was......because unbeknownst to her the photo she'd got from Google had an American plug socket. Which sent off the detectives and shazam. It was all just fucking weird and pointless.

Many years ago when I was fairly new to MN I spent a good deal of time on the Education boards commenting on a particular situation / process that I’d come to know a lot about. A poster on one of those threads PM-ed me asking for advice - which I gave very happily. We corresponded by PM for several months - I sharing all my information and experience, she developing her understanding and making progress with helping her child.

On the day when she’d finally achieved what she had set out to do, she PM-ed me, apparently tearful and excited - thanking me profusely for my help and suggesting we switch to email and real names so we could communicate more freely than in the little PM box.

I remember at the moment I received that PM I was preoccupied with travelling to a distant music festival. But I allowed myself a moment of pride and delight in having been able to share experience and assist someone in achieving something life changing. And I looked forward to hearing how she was getting on. I immediately sent her my email and real name.

And never heard from her again. Not on MN, not in real life.

And all I can conclude is that, having seen my name, which is not ‘English’ (though I am), she decided I wasn’t someone she wished to know.

But I have often wondered …

(And it taught me a lesson about anonymous internet use.)

I once had something similar
My tumble dryers belt snapped and I really needed a dryer for the kids uniform
I put a plea on fb and someone messaged to say he could do it,for a small fee and he would be round the following day (I didn't give him my address,just the area at this point)
Great-i was really desperate
Never heard from him again-hed done it for his own amusement
God knows why he found a single mums distress amusing but he did

Another one was I'd been chatting to a bloke online for months
We arranged to meet up in the local pub-we where messaging as I was walking down
Got to the pub doorway and hed blocked me
God knows what that was about-im convinced he was watching me walk around and blocked me as I got to the pub
I'm told I'm not that ugly!
I genuinely think he did it for kicks

Some people are not right in the head

Could she have been hit with massive anxiety at a face to face meet and not known any way to deal with it except blocking?

This
In that instance it was a cruel and manipulative thing for her to do. In your position I would have been bloody furious to think someone had played me like that! 😡🤬

Maybe she (or he) was lying about who they really are.

She reminds me of Samantha Cookes, a serial fraudster. https://www.bbc.com/mediacentre/2025/bad-nanny

I think the chances that something horrid happened between "I'm parking" and her blocking the OP is remarkably small

So odd, have no idea why she would do this. Two ideas I had that would paint her in a slightly better light might be social anxiety or a controlling partner, who didn't want her to meet you. Obviously could be many other reasons too though. I would move on, but keep her number, so if she contacts you again from it you will recognise her number and be on guard.

Mumsnet is full of trolls, and this one has done a sideline in trolling you personally.

you can't understand why, because you are looking at her behaviour from your own point of view - it's like an antelope trying to understand why a tiger is eating them.

These people get their fun from affecting others and orchestrating responses. Manipulation and control is their thing.

Nothing to do with you - 'she' never left the house.

I’ve been in Mumsnet for over 20 years and there have periodically been trolls or a troll posting about babies they had who died. Twins particularly. MN would find out they were people with multiple usernames posting as different people with each. It used to be easy to do.

Absolutely horrible, especially as it made MNers question anyone who posted about neonatal mortality. Needy, attention seeking people - men? Women? Who knows.