Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

[Crazylittlethingcalledpeople]

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

Maybe she will pop up one day and explain. It could be as innocent as getting cold feet and nervous about meeting in person for the first time and the rest of your interactions over the years have been genuine.

I'm not quite sure why she didn't suggest meeting half way though rather than the investment of the long drive and a hotel stay, unless you live in an area where she wanted to incorporate other places into the trip as well.

🙄 there never was a hotel reservation.

Do we know for sure? I agree it all sounds really bizarre but playing devils advocate she might have just backed out last minute and didn't have the guts to say otherwise.

You say she knows the month of your birthday. Are you 100% sure she doesn't know the day as well?

The only thing that is sounding alarm bells for me, is possible identity theft, as a worst case scenario.

Here's the story that pops into my head to explain all this. I know it is just daft speculation but someone has already come up with the alien abduction theory so I'm taking what's left.

Her partner may have become jealous and suspicious when she decided to visit you. He may have strung you along to the point where you were stood outside the restaurant and he could see you, to check that you were genuinely a woman and not a rival boyfriend.

He reassured himself on that point and then blocked you anyway, out of jealousy of the friendship.

@Foreverm0re

From the OP:

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

Oh and I wasn’t stopping with her. I was going home after the dinner and drinks. We did suggest possibly having a coffee in the morning before she drove home if time. But we never arranged to be in the same hotel.

Did you ask the hotel if she'd even booked a room?

But op also said the meeting place was 45 mins from hers (ops) and closer for the other person

Sorry this happened to you OP.

Many years ago, on a now defunct forum, meet ups were fairly regular. One particular mum became best friends with another irl. Godparents, the works. Anyway, one of the mum's detailed a horrific assault. The best friend supported her in reporting to the police etc.

It eventually transpired the assault was completely made up. The mum blamed it on migraines. Her partner stood by her but I believe she lost her job.

The mum who made the false allegations was always quite needy. I suspect she was always a bit of a fantasist, and, her "best friend" was someone who was very popular and outgoing.

She even tried returning to the forum a few months later, posting about something innocuous!

There are some strange people who don't necessarily lie about their names etc. What they get out of it all, I guess only they know.

Yep.

Yes, I was confused by this. How can the ‘cat fish’ woman live 3 hours drive from the OP, but the hotel was nearer to her (cat fisher) than it was to the OP who lives 45 mins from the hotel?

I was wondering if she'd gone to the wrong place, and now thinks you catfished her.

You haven’t answered whether you have pictures of your children on Facebook? This would be my concern. Along with the possibility this person could have followed you home?

I don’t think there’s much possibility the person you were speaking to was ‘real’.

Sorry - my phrasing maybe.

I meant it was then 45 minutes closer for her to drive - but overall still nearer me. Two and a half hours it allegedly took her, but would have been over three if I’d not arranged to meet her where I did.

does that make sense?

I wonder, could it be something along these lines:

1. you posted on Mumsnet about a situation you were in (I have no idea what it was, but for the purpose of this theory, let’s say you had an abusive ex husband at the time and you posted about this, accidentally including a potentially outing detail.
2. ex husband (or equivalent person related to the post) sees your post and replies to it, posing as a female Mumsnet member, then DMs you. You DM each other on and off - ex husband is using this as a way to gather information from you and get one step ahead of you. He (or whoever) sets up a fake FB account and continues to post on Mumsnet to keep up the facade. Invents ever more chaotic things to continue to keep you sharing.
3. he arranges to meet up with you - maybe to confirm that it is genuinely you that he has been talking to, or just to mess with you, but obviously can’t follow through with this.

Either that or a standard internet crazy - I’ve come across a few that I’ve met from forums back in the day and wouldn’t be surprised if one or two of them did something like this.

So by going there it saved her 45 minutes.

Probably how I phrased it, made sense when I wrote it!

45 mins from me. Two and a half hours from her

You sound lovely btw op. It’s her loss.

I really feel for you OP I suspect the other person was out to entertain themselves because some people just genuinely messed up. There was a a saying probably one if the 1st Internet memes that says 'on the internet nobody knows you're a dog'

I hope you are OK and that you find out what this was all about but please report the profile both on mumsnet and Facebook because who knows how many people they are doing this to

I admit I have an unhealthy interest in these forum crazies you met.

(I won’t beg though 🤣).

Wow, this is unnerving, how bizarre!

Her behaviour on the thread sounds like it might be a pattern and she’s attention mining. It would make me question if her life was really so dramatic, suspect a lot of what she told you was at least exaggerated and was a way to get attention and sympathy. She could be a totally different person, or just have a far more boring life. Basically the adult version of ‘my boyfriend goes to another school but definitely exists’. It’s easy enough on here to get attention for dramatic life problems can see that feeling of being important and interesting might get addictive.

Did you feel some apprehension when she wouldn’t speak on the phone OP?

People are rarely who they say they are online. I was part of a very long running group in S&B here several years ago. I met a few of the participants face to face and was shocked at the discrepancy between their online persona and their reality. One of them constantly bragged about spending thousands on designer gear and talking about her handsome DH. She turned up looking unkempt and slovenly, the DH had a face only a mother could love. I sometimes see her Instagram, it’s mainly deeply unflattering selfies with zero reaction from anyone. She’s to be pitied I suppose.

Is it possible she saw you in the restaurant, . didn't like the look of you and turned round snd went home. I know that sounds weird but....

I mean, I think I’d sooner she were crazy. That’s not a great boost for the self-esteem 🤣
I think unlikely. She knows what I look like. We were meeting as friends. She’d come all
that way.
Tbh she messaged to say she was parking and I replied to say I was there literally just after that and that message wasn’t delivered. It’s like she blocked me just after she said she was parking. So I don’t believe she was ever there.
And if there were some confusion and she couldn’t find me - she’d have called me.

i did think it was a bit weird she wouldn’t speak on the phone but all our ‘friendship’ had been over messages to this point. But yeah, I did. And that’s why I half thought she might cancel the day before or the morning of.

I did not expect her to keep up the charade until the point of ‘arrival’ and then block me. I cannot tell you how wtf I was on Friday evening, but it was very!