Vegetarian not catered for

[ParrotsAteThemAll]

Invited to a bbq this afternoon, just had the message they haven’t got any vege burgers/meat alternatives. Of course I could buy my own, but why should I? The meat eaters will be having burgers, sausages, chicken whilst, yet again, I’ll be offered a salad and bun.

This happens all the time and for years I just accepted it, as I was the awkward one. I’ve mostly had to cook my own too, usually in the house as the host ‘doesn’t know how to cook a vege burger’! Surely this day it’s easy to grab something vege from any supermarket, big or small. I’m not even fussy what brand!

I’ve bought a nice bottle of wine for the host and a nice dessert to take, tempted not to take it now. Of course I’ll go enjoy the company, probably eat beforehand,

Any other veges find this frustrating, or should we accept we’re the difficult ones and take our own food?

@ParrotsAteThemAll I would always have something a veggie can eat-DD has been veggie and pescatarian-she loves the M&S plant burgers.
But I would also have loads of sides that would be fine.
She has lots of veggie friends who eat here so I am careful.

However I am allergic to passionfruit so would miss out on your lovely pudding.
It's can be hard to make something that works for everyone.

You need to learn the difference between vegan and vegetarian. Also there are many reasons to become a vegetarian. It's not black and white.

All the BBQs I’ve been to have had lots of sides not just salad - corn, beans, potatoes, lots of cold salads, casseroles. I’m a meat eater but usually prefer the sides at the ones I’ve been to.

You don’t have to be strictly vegan to not eat meat fat
If you’re a vegetarian or vegan you don’t eat meat fat at all. If you eat meat fat then you’re not a vegetarian or vegan there’s nothing ‘strictly’ about it tbh.
I suppose if you occasionally eat meat fat or other stuff like that then you are. strictly a flexitarian

We have a vegan in the family so I always do vegan stuff. Not extra, just part of it. Half and half the grill, or have two.

I've even made vegan charcuterie. That was a fun experiment/experience, and they really appreciated it.

I will often make more vegan food because the meat eaters all want to try it and leave none for the actual vegan 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP I'm sorry they've treated you this way. Keep the dessert and wine. Grab a cheap bottle from the shop.

Well I just learned something about Parmesan and hard cheeses today - thanks Mumsnet!

Within the family we have veggies, pescatarians and gluten free - I would always cater for everyone, cooking things separately in one of the ovens if needed to avoid contamination/in a different oven. It is extremely rude to invite people and then not cater for them.

Re your last paragraph
I agree but only in terms of a hog roast

The word bbq relates to the cooking method of cooking on live fire with smoke. So technically it’s not just about meat

Every days a school day on mumsnet 😁

I would provide a veggie main and then lovely side salads / wedges / potato skins etc. It's very easy to cater for vegetarians (as opposed to vegans which can be trickier - but not impossible!).

I have a friend who is coeliac and when we host I always cater for them too. Have even all eaten gluten free. So the hosts are being bad hosts.

@BarilynBordeaux i remember being on a school trip to the Edam factory in Holland ( 80s) and I asked if they did a vegetarian version. The guy looked at me in disgust and said No! And we never will !
Guess what 🤣🤣

Rude and ridiculous. Vegetarian food is mainstream, [non veggie here] and I always check for allergies. If I invite someone it's because I want them there and for them to have a good time, not to be made to feel like an inconvienience.

Right?! Haha I thought this exact thing haha!

Take your own food item and skip the wine.

Well sat here awkwardly as everyone eats, no acknowledgment, no apology, nothing to eat and feeling embarrassed.

if you invite someone who doesn’t eat meat, have something available for them!

No I didn’t bring the desert, I’ll eat it later.

I'm veggie! If I've gone to bbqs (or anywhere else really) that's been planned they've always been able to make me something that's not just salad, or they've done their best to make something (one was an unplanned bbq with neighbours and they did me a huge sweet pepper on the bbq) which was nice as they really didn't need to do it as I don't expect people to just be prepared for a veggie guest 😂
there's some really good veggie stuff suitable for bbqs that my family or friends have tried and really enjoyed. Think it's a bit sad that they won't provide for you, I'm assuming if you had them over you'd provide something that they'd eat!

Oh im so sorry. How shit. Is there wine? Get your worth in the wine, dip out early and grab a yummy take away on the way home.

id order something from a takeaway, say the were starving and make it awkward af, but then again I'm petty hahah

Yeah bad hosting, it's not hard or expensive to just buy a pack of veggies burgers. Any friend of mine is worth buying a pack of veggies burgers for.

So many ways to overcome the cross contamination issue as well, do the veggie burgers first? Or in the oven?

Are there any salads. Like all the mumsnetters are mentioning on here
A bit of corn on the cob?
Anything

We had a big family BBQ last weekend. DIL is pescatarian and several others don’t eat red meat. Of course I catered for them all. I’d feel so embarrassed to have guests that I hadn’t provided food for!

I used a disposable BBQ for the fish, veggie sausages and vegetables that we cooked for them so they weren’t getting the meat juices from the main BBQ. It was very easy. I can understand you feeling ignored.

To be honest anytime where the host is a minority or woman I notice they typically state the menu such as, we will have this dish for vegetarians. And if they don't I know that they are not able to consider others in the way we sometimes wish. In something so simple there are a lot of broken wishes. Most people cannot see beyond what they know and as a vegetarian, I am often starved, literally. I have gone to work meetings all day where they have not a single vegetarian dish and I do not eat even when they know I am vegetarian. And even when I tell them. Not everyone has a compass set to empathy to be very honest.

It's the hosts who should be embarrassed, not you! Pam sent Mick out to the shops to buy veggie food when she found herself (she thought) in this position in Gavin and Stacey. That was in 2007. How can people in 2025 be so clueless?

I would say 'well, I'll be off now and leave you to it' and go and eat.

I’m veggie & always take my own , don’t think I’ve ever been catered for , although I get first dibs on the salad and sides as ‘ I don’t eat anything else ‘

So OP.
You said this happens all the time.
Is that with the same people ?
Nevertheless I’d be tempted to have a bbq. Obviously all vegetarian
Show your hosts how wonderful ( yes different ) a bbq can be
Maybe they’ll pick up some ideas for next time