Neighbour keeps feeding my child - WWYD?

[AwayWeb]

Bit of a weird one and I’m probably overthinking it but would appreciate outside views.

Our 6yo daughter often plays with the neighbour’s grandson - their garden backs onto ours and they go between the two. It’s all very casual. They’re similar ages and get on well, so I don’t mind the time they spend together.

The neighbour is the boy’s grandmother (his mum drops him off there most days after school) and while she seems nice, I don’t actually know her well. We wave, chat briefly over the fence, but we’ve never had a proper conversation or anything.

What’s bothering me is that nearly every time DD comes back from playing, she’s eaten a whole meal over there. Not just a snack - an actual meal. Things like sausage rolls, fish fingers, chips, even dessert. She came back yesterday saying she had trifle. TRIFLE. She’s 6. She doesn’t even know what trifle is at home.

We’re vegan as a family and although we’ve never made a big deal out of it, I think they know. DD has mentioned it and I’ve said things like “oh she won’t eat that, we don’t do meat”. But they clearly feed her meat anyway. I don’t want to be the overbearing food mum but I feel a bit… undermined?

DH says it’s harmless and to let it go. He thinks I’m being precious and that a few fish fingers won’t kill her. Which, fair. But I just feel a bit odd about it all. I never gave permission for them to feed her, and it’s happening regularly now. It feels like they’re doing us a favour we didn’t ask for, and I can’t tell if I’m being rude by not saying thank you or being walked over by not saying stop.

Would it be completely out of order to ask them not to feed her anymore? Or at least ask what they’re giving her? I’m not trying to start neighbour wars but it’s making me a bit anxious now.

WWYD?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable.. families eat at incredibly varied times, so “don’t send her over at meal times” doesn’t really work.. if we were ever about to eat and the dc had little friends over playing in the garden or whatever, I always sent them home unless I’d explicitly planned with the parents to feed them.

We live in a very open neighbourhood where kids come and go in each others houses but I would never dream of giving another child a full meal without checking with the parent first. They have no idea what allergies or intolerances your child might have.

Also, another fan of trifle. Even though it caused me to have gestational diabetes with my youngest...

Besides the fact that trifle makes me 🤢
I'd be going round to neighbour to introduce myself and daughter properly, ensure she was welcome and thank my neighbour for her kindness. Maybe take a small gift as a thank you. And let her know to not feel obligated to feed your dd and it's okay to send her home if they're having lunch etc.

Very sensible suggestion.

Older generations often think it is incredibly rude not to offer food to guests - even if they are uninvited. Your child is clearly hungry when she goes over so I’m sure they think they are doing something nice for her.
Why don’t you invite the grandparents and their grandchild over for a vegan dinner as a thank you? You could smooth over the issue and develop a closer relationship with people who seem to be quite involved in your childs life.

😂😂😂😂😂she’s 6 and doesn’t know what she’s missing poor love! Trifle? What next? Heroin? 😂😂😂😂

Don't worry I've logged it

I surprised you haven't checked in with her to thank her for watching and feeding her. Whether you want her to or not, it has taken money and effort on her part. I'm also surprised you haven't offered to have him over. If playing at his all the time works then great, but you should at least have her phone number.

Of course don’t let your DD go round there anymore.. if they refuse to adhere to her dietary requirements then god knows what else they don’t give a shit about.

YABU to feed your DD a vegan diet though..: it’s absolutely not recommended for growing children. Give her some dairy,

What’s the problem with trifle?

I used to have a child this age call who would play with my DC and start begging for food the minute they arrived, claiming to be starving. They did look a bit undernourished. It was so awkward.

Is there any chance it's actually your DD pressuring them to feed her but she doesn't want to admit it?

As others have mentioned, allowing a young child to spend that much time with people you don’t know at all is bizarre and dangerous.
You should have invited their grandchild over to your house a long time ago.
What feels like an informal arrangement to you involves them caring for, feeding and cleaning up after your child.

It sounds like your child is at their house so much and for such a length of time that they feel they should feed her. How long are you leaving her there? The fact you hardly know them well enough to talk to but will happily leave your 6 year old with them long enough to stay for a full meal is also strange

That would be the sensible adult thing to do

@AwayWeb you are trying to force your vegan tendencies onto a 6 year old child?? they are at great risk of nutritional deficiencies when their bodies are growing. what about eggs? never had an egg??? they are very nutritious and kids benefit from them. as for trifle??? come on! she is probably getting more nutrition from your neighbour than she is from the diet you are providing!

Your next door neighbour sounds lovely! I do think it's a bit odd that you don't know her better. Could you invite her for a cup of tea, watch the kids together or give her a present?

Haha, you sound incredibly anal over a bit of trifle. Won’t someone inform the safeguarding lead!! Today it’s trifle but tomorrow it’ll be smack.

Your kid probably in awe of the things she gets because her mum is the type to have a breakdown over a bit of trifle.

If you’re this triggered, don’t let her go over anymore.

NOT TRIFLE?!

how on earth will she cope?

I doubt at 6 she knows what vegan is.

Just to put it out there, I made a vegan trifle for my husband at Christmas including custard and it was bloody delicious!

Exactly!

Different generation of neighbour who thinks feeding kids is fine.

Ah yes, rubbish like trifle being a gateway to crack and heroin.

The thing I find most bizarre which no one has mentioned is: all well and good playing between the two gardens but you’re actually letting your child go in the house of a person you don’t know? I just don’t understand how this is ok?

That aside, if she is in their house then clearly they are eating and offer her come. Would you prefer they sit down and eat and exclude her? I’d tell them what time your mealtime is and ask them to send her home.

I agree with you @arethereanyleftatall .

Grandmother > I look after my 6 Yr old grandson every day and now the nighbour , who I don't know keeps sending her 6yr old daughter over so I have to look after her too .
She is always here at tea time so I feel obliged to feed her / she asks if she can eat here / tells me my food is very nice .
But I don't know if she has any dietary requirements.
How do get her mum to take her back home without upsetting her or her dd ?

MNeters > your nighbour is been a cheeky mare , she is getting free child care and free meals for her dd.

Actually loads of posters have mentioned it.