Neighbour keeps feeding my child - WWYD?

[AwayWeb]

Bit of a weird one and I’m probably overthinking it but would appreciate outside views.

Our 6yo daughter often plays with the neighbour’s grandson - their garden backs onto ours and they go between the two. It’s all very casual. They’re similar ages and get on well, so I don’t mind the time they spend together.

The neighbour is the boy’s grandmother (his mum drops him off there most days after school) and while she seems nice, I don’t actually know her well. We wave, chat briefly over the fence, but we’ve never had a proper conversation or anything.

What’s bothering me is that nearly every time DD comes back from playing, she’s eaten a whole meal over there. Not just a snack - an actual meal. Things like sausage rolls, fish fingers, chips, even dessert. She came back yesterday saying she had trifle. TRIFLE. She’s 6. She doesn’t even know what trifle is at home.

We’re vegan as a family and although we’ve never made a big deal out of it, I think they know. DD has mentioned it and I’ve said things like “oh she won’t eat that, we don’t do meat”. But they clearly feed her meat anyway. I don’t want to be the overbearing food mum but I feel a bit… undermined?

DH says it’s harmless and to let it go. He thinks I’m being precious and that a few fish fingers won’t kill her. Which, fair. But I just feel a bit odd about it all. I never gave permission for them to feed her, and it’s happening regularly now. It feels like they’re doing us a favour we didn’t ask for, and I can’t tell if I’m being rude by not saying thank you or being walked over by not saying stop.

Would it be completely out of order to ask them not to feed her anymore? Or at least ask what they’re giving her? I’m not trying to start neighbour wars but it’s making me a bit anxious now.

WWYD?

This thread is wild.

You let your 6 year old daughter go the house of people you barely know (unsupervised for long enough that she can eat a whole evening meal and a dessert) and your virtue signalling about veganism?

Cop yourself on, educate yourself on safeguarding, mind your own child and feed them whatever you wish. And please think about parenting your child in a safe and proper way.

Sounds to me like it’s a case of out of sight out of mind and these people are feeding your child because her mother can’t be arsed coming to look for her. And the fact that you don’t know them bar a polite hello is disgraceful. Shame on you OP.

I always chuckle when a poster ploughs in late in the day with nonsense about how “no one” has pointed out something

All while allowing your six year old daughter into a house unsupervised with complete randomers. Wild.

NOT TRIFLE!!! 😱😱😱😱

>>> adds trifel to shopping list , I haven't had one in years

@Astleyxyz Me too. And jelly. I'd have jelly every day if I could...mind you, who's going to stop me ?
Trifle....mmmmm

Don't buy a kit. Use cake, jelly (controversial), fruit, custard and cream. It's worth it.

Trifle def not vegan, that's probably why! Jelly is set with gelatine (boiled up hooves and ears etc) which are in a lot of sweets - I wouldn't want my child to be eating that! And custard unless made with non-dairy milk isn't vegan and then there's the cream...

@AwayWeb My late parents and Mil have lunch at 12.30 and tea at 5. No deviation allowed !
Thought this might help with timings.

@ZenGarden89 You're being very rude and judgemental.

At 6 clearly you just say “now remember DD no eating while youre playing as we’re having dinner when you get home?”. At 6 I would expect her to remember and respect this and just say no when she’s asked if she wants anything to eat. Also is your DD hanging around when they’re having dinner and the lady feels obligated to feed her. Maybe it would be a good idea to call her home before tea time and let them have their dinner without your DD hanging around.

I would never feed meat to a vegan parent’s child. That is overstepping the mark. You should say something to the neighbour.

I'm planning on making a strawberry trifle tomorrow now, thanks OP 😊

Sorry if I’ve triggered you in some way.

Different strokes for different folks it seems. My preference would be to supervise small children closely and have more than a fleetingly casual relationship with those whom I entrust to care for them for extended periods of time.

The whole pearl clutching over trifle is disingenuous and ridiculous when there are much bigger issues at play.

Same 😂😂😂

She may think of you as a cheeky fucker who never feeds her child?! Maybe she’s wondering why you haven’t called her for tea and then feels awkward and plates her up some. Round here 4.30 / 5pm for a 6 year old would be a more normal time for dinner. 6.30pm is starting to get ready for bed time!

Had you are taking all comments on board OP.
Im another one who would feed your daughter in this situation. My DD was never able to wait until 6.30 at this age so any of her play date buddies got full meal at 5pm. I would be mortified to eat without offering it to them. My mum would disinherit me and my aunt would turn in her grave.
I would also wonder if your daughter expressed curiosity about their food as it’s so different from yours and they mistook her curiosity for hunger.
I would definitely approach it from meal times point of view.
Then I would invite their boy for tea and at this stage I would ask about his food preferences mentioning about being vegan.

The neighbour probably doesn't know.

Sounds like she's doing you child a favour by giving her some meat. It's important for children to have animal based foods for their development and growth.

Sorry OP I can't believe you see this issue as your neighbours fault?

I think the amount of surprise here at a 6 year old playing at a neighbours house is remarkable. Children are so over parented these days, in my opinion. The majority of commenters here must have played out in their street, in and out of neighbours homes, eating tea and snacks etc, and come to absolutely no harm. Why is it so odd now?

Much more relevant here is that OP is horrified by trifle?! Calm down. And thinks her kid is vegan (she’s not). And is apparently anxious about the fact her kid is eating at a neighbours house. Clearly the issue is that OPs kid is always there at mealtimes so they do the decent thing and feed her. If you don’t want that… have a conversation?!

I think it is really kind of them to feed her. It would be mean of them to feed themselves and expect her to sit and watch.

Yeah this was my 1st thought. I think 6 is too young to be in someone's house/garden that you've never even had a conversation with. You have no idea who else is round there. I definitely wouldn't have done this when mine were 6.

I want triffle now; haven't had one in ages. It was the best thing about Sundays in the 80s (unless we got a trip to the garden centre or tip in for some excitement )

I would say 'thank you so much for all the times you've fed her, but can you send her home for dinner as we eat a bit later than you and she isn't hungry for the food I've cooked for her'.
Vegan wise, I think I'd let it go. Is she a vegan because you want her to be or because she really wants to? If she's just eating whatever she's given, I think at 6 she's know she's eating meat and fish and doesn't seem to care. I'm a vegetarian and I always cooked vegetarian food at home. But when my son was about 9 he started ordering chicken nuggets at parties when they asked him what he wanted. They make their own choices in the end.