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Useless husband at kids party

119 replies

Arghhhhhparty · 27/07/2025 05:34

NC but if any of my friends recognise me don’t tell me!! I just need to get this off my chest and I can’t post this in AIBU because yes I am… LTB etc etc

Yesterday was my child’s birthday party - at home, bouncy castle and kids tea. I have 3 children 4 and under and perhaps this was a bit ambitious but I’ve done similar before and I thought my husband would help, do something DO ANYTHING.

This is how the day went.

He promised me a lie in so he could do the gym. Of course this didn’t fucking happen.
He didn’t get up with the kids and instead had a lie in til 9 fucking 30 (‘you should have woken me’ I didn’t because who wants to wake someone grumpy. I figured I’d let it go and it would be my turn tomorrow) I did breakfast and attempted tidying the house while looking after 3 small children.

Then he had a 2 hour gym session while I stayed home with kids. Then I went to the shops with the eldest and the newborn baby to get last minute bits. His ‘help’ was looking looking after middle child who he was supposed to take to the playground. I came back and found out he had watched sport with them the entire time giving them crisps. He didn’t give child lunch or put them down for their nap, LITERALLY WHAT WHERE IS YOUR BRAIN.

He took the eldest 2 out ‘so i could nap’. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t even hoovered or put away his own trainers from gym or his lunch things which I noticed after he had driven off.

He then came back with the children AFTER the party started and loudly asked me how my nap was and told all the guests he’d looked after the kids!!!!! As if I had had a nap?!?! Meanwhile I was looking after newborn, running around doing ALL the food and getting people drinks. He mentioned to me both children immediately fell asleep in the car for 1.5 hours so he’d been forced to pull over and SIT IN THR CAR for the whole time scrolling for the hour before the party. Eldest is long beyond napping so that was fucking unhelpful to add to the list of being the world shittest husband of the day.

at the party:

  • He put loud sport on the tv in the room the party was in until I made him turn it off again
  • only noticed I needed help when one of the other dads offered to help and was cutting up some fruit for me
  • he said I seemed stressed and said I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE ORGANISED argh I wanted to poke his eyes out and put his head on a stick
  • walked over half way through pass the parcel to loudly ask me to turn the music off as it was ruining his conversation with one of the dads. I couldn’t bite my tongue and said sorry is this CHILDRENS birthday party inconveniencing your adult conversation
  • didnt supervise any of our children as I would have expected normally. So one was crying as had been pushed over and another was having a fight over a toy with another child. My mum friends helped out by changing my children into their party clothes when they arrived home from the car nap and changed my toddlers nappy. And another friend offered to change my newborn for me while i was shoving some sausage rolls in the oven (very close friends. Thank GOD for women).
  • He then asked me when we were doing the cake as I was breastfeeding newborn and trotted off to get the candles I had already put out on the side ready and ASKED ME HOW MANY CANDLES WE NEEDED FOR THE CAKE for his own child’s birthday I shit you not. Like I said, all our children are under 5 so he genuinely could not be more brainless here. You cannot make this shit up.
  • His final helpful contribution was coming over to me as I cut up cake, was asking me if I had done party bags (oooo no and it’s so helpful asking me at the end of the party as if I hadn’t wtf would he be doing now to rectify that) and then TELLING ME how many slices I needed to cut up AS IF I didn’t know how many children I had invited, catered for and made party bags for.

I WANT TO PUT MY HUSBAND IN THE BIN. End of rant.

OP posts:
Blottum · 27/07/2025 05:39

You should have woken him. You should have communicated with him.

but really you should never have married him and had three kids with him!!

you were a martyr op
and now you’re going to be in a grump today
but this is the useless man you married

unless you’re now going to drip that aside from this one day… he’s the most brilliant husband and father?

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 05:44

Yabu for doing pass the parcel, the most tedious of kids party games which goes on for hours.

Next time hire a soft play.

Bournetilly · 27/07/2025 05:45

It does sound unorganised but it’s not your fault, he is useless and I would be fuming.

He shouldn’t have had a lie in or gone to the gym. He should have taken the kids out earlier on whilst you set up for the party. The last minute bits should have been purchased yesterday.

Which child was the party for? I would be fuming he came back after the party started as I would of wanted the eldest 2 to be ready.

Is he usually like this?

Interested in this thread?

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Blottum · 27/07/2025 05:47

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 05:44

Yabu for doing pass the parcel, the most tedious of kids party games which goes on for hours.

Next time hire a soft play.

Isn’t it?!

and the children don’t even enjoy aside from the couple of seconds when it passes them by!

BebbanburgIsMine · 27/07/2025 05:52

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 05:44

Yabu for doing pass the parcel, the most tedious of kids party games which goes on for hours.

Next time hire a soft play.

Not everyone can afford to do that.

I certainly never could, so all my DDs parties were in the house, with just 3 or 4 friends.

autienotnaughty · 27/07/2025 05:52

I’m afraid I agree.
Firstly - a at home party with a newborn????!!!!
secondly yes wake him at nine and set him
to work - do x task please etc. if he has time to go gym fine but otherwise say can you not do the gym there’s loads to do.
If you are trying to do a party with three under fives out source as much as possible. Buy sandwich trays / pre cooked sausage roll etc minimum time. Ask close friends/family to bring a dish, ask a friend to help set up for wine.
It’s not about blaming you. Yes your husband is useless and yes he should know how to clean up/take kids out/what time he needs to be up. But knowing he’s like that expecting the outcome to be different and not challenging him/asking more of him is on you.

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 27/07/2025 05:52

These threads always baffle me. Can I ask why you have three children with someone so useless? Also can I ask, I'm assuming it's fair to say he's always useless so why didn't you give him a specific list of tasks? My DC had their 4th birthday last week, my DH is unreliable so a friend helped me to set up while he stayed at home to sort out DC and he was told his job during the party was to watch DC as I would be too busy with party stuff. I feel for you, but this can't be new so what did you expect.

Blottum · 27/07/2025 05:53

I bet you could cut the tension with a knife, and all the attendees were acutely aware of what was going on. The relief as they left I imagine !

Meadowfinch · 27/07/2025 05:53

😂 This is why I don't have a husband. I couldn't cope with the incompetence.

I left mine (without marrying him, thank goodness) for all sorts of bigger reasons but one of his regular glittering moments was to forget his only son's birthday and not get a card at all or get his age wrong and buy a card with the wrong age badge. Or buy him a book or Lego set that he already had.

For world book day he once took ds into town to buy a striped tshirt for a Where's Wally costume. Came home with tshirt aged 4 when ds was 8. Ds couldn't even get it over his head. He had ds with him. How could he get it that wrong?

You deserve a medal OP, I genuinely don't know how you cope.

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 27/07/2025 05:55

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 05:44

Yabu for doing pass the parcel, the most tedious of kids party games which goes on for hours.

Next time hire a soft play.

What! I loved pass the parcel as a kid!

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 27/07/2025 05:55

BebbanburgIsMine · 27/07/2025 05:52

Not everyone can afford to do that.

I certainly never could, so all my DDs parties were in the house, with just 3 or 4 friends.

I did do softplay because I'm all about outsourcing what I can, but a smaller party at home is actually much nicer and the kids actually enjoy each other's company rather than at a busy chaotic place like that

AlwaysColdHands · 27/07/2025 05:57

Ignore those posters blaming you/ questioning why you’ve had children with him. He is clearly choosing to opt out and anyone happy to leave all the labour to their partner is not a good person.
read the threads on here from women like yourself, ten years down the line with a decade of resentment.
plan not to be financially dependent upon him.

Doobeedoobeedoobee · 27/07/2025 06:05

I can’t believe the number of responses judging or blaming you! I think it sounds like you did your best and he… well managed to keep breathing all day? That is really really useless behaviour, my sympathies x

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 06:17

BebbanburgIsMine · 27/07/2025 05:52

Not everyone can afford to do that.

I certainly never could, so all my DDs parties were in the house, with just 3 or 4 friends.

Op hired a bouncy castle and catered. It's £200 to hire our local soft play for a party. The costs are similar I'd imagine once it's all totalled up

CarolNoE · 27/07/2025 06:21

Blottum · 27/07/2025 05:53

I bet you could cut the tension with a knife, and all the attendees were acutely aware of what was going on. The relief as they left I imagine !

Agreed. It sounds like the OPs friends have him sussed and stepped in - helping change into the party clothes (& pnappy!). Even the dad chopping up fruit. Sorry OP if the day was a washout but your friends sound decent...or aware of his incompetence

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 27/07/2025 06:25

Why on earth do you think you’re being unreasonable OP??!

YANBU, and your husband is a waste of space.

Okthenguys · 27/07/2025 06:27

OP - your husband has showed you how little he respects you and your children. What you choose to do with that information is up to you, but if all this happened in just one day I would be reconsidering my future with him.

blunderbuss12 · 27/07/2025 06:31

FFS some of these responses! Of course it would be easier to drop £500 and have somebody else sort out the whole thing for you, but that's hardly an option for everyone.

Hope you have recovered op. Your husband sounds utterly useless. 2hrs at the gym after getting up at 9:30 on a busy day is the ultimate pisstake

Testingthetimes · 27/07/2025 06:33

well. My blood pressure was raised after reading about the lie-in and then the gym.
well done OP for sticking with it, holding yourself together, and giving your children their party.

im really hoping you got your lie-in this morning..’

and best of luck figuring out where to go from here…

Yellowbirdcage · 27/07/2025 06:34

Ugh that brought back so many memories! Especially the loud sport on TV thing. So selfish. So standard though.

He clearly sees all this tiresome small children stuff as beneath him and isn’t interested in being the Dad you would like. Up to you what you do about it. I eventually just got on with everything myself and the resentment killed the marriage.

springintoaction321 · 27/07/2025 06:41

As an aside - one our best parties was when we had a big paddling pool in the garden and played different fishing games/ sea themed games inside as well (for a 5 year old) - invited the whole class. Lovely sunny day, and also did a treasure hunt. Kids absolutely loved it - and yes I recognise we're lucky to have a big enough garden.

Well done OP for even having a party happen with a new born - respect!

The less said about your 'D'H the better

Wadadli · 27/07/2025 06:41

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 27/07/2025 05:55

What! I loved pass the parcel as a kid!

So did I! The tension, the excitement. I lived it. Same with musical chairs 🤣

mrssunshinexxx · 27/07/2025 06:44

You’re a fool for having kids with this man what a shit dad they have

Allswellthatendswelll · 27/07/2025 06:47

I'm not a type A organisation queen but just reading this makes me feel quite stressed!

The two hour gym morning would be a hard no from me! He should have taken the oldest two the park, baby in a sling so you can set up in peace.

He sounds useless but why don't you just direct him. Tbh my DH needs a lot of direction for stuff like this and it's annoying but if I said "I need you to do this so I can do this" he'd be fine with it. Do you feel you can't ask or are you waiting for him to come through? Obviously in an ideal world he'd just know what to do but it sounds like you are expecting him to be helpful and he's being the complete opposite.

ZenNudist · 27/07/2025 06:53

Forst few replies nail this and I don't want to join a pile on. It doesn't need to be like this. What are your options?

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