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Useless husband at kids party

119 replies

Arghhhhhparty · 27/07/2025 05:34

NC but if any of my friends recognise me don’t tell me!! I just need to get this off my chest and I can’t post this in AIBU because yes I am… LTB etc etc

Yesterday was my child’s birthday party - at home, bouncy castle and kids tea. I have 3 children 4 and under and perhaps this was a bit ambitious but I’ve done similar before and I thought my husband would help, do something DO ANYTHING.

This is how the day went.

He promised me a lie in so he could do the gym. Of course this didn’t fucking happen.
He didn’t get up with the kids and instead had a lie in til 9 fucking 30 (‘you should have woken me’ I didn’t because who wants to wake someone grumpy. I figured I’d let it go and it would be my turn tomorrow) I did breakfast and attempted tidying the house while looking after 3 small children.

Then he had a 2 hour gym session while I stayed home with kids. Then I went to the shops with the eldest and the newborn baby to get last minute bits. His ‘help’ was looking looking after middle child who he was supposed to take to the playground. I came back and found out he had watched sport with them the entire time giving them crisps. He didn’t give child lunch or put them down for their nap, LITERALLY WHAT WHERE IS YOUR BRAIN.

He took the eldest 2 out ‘so i could nap’. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t even hoovered or put away his own trainers from gym or his lunch things which I noticed after he had driven off.

He then came back with the children AFTER the party started and loudly asked me how my nap was and told all the guests he’d looked after the kids!!!!! As if I had had a nap?!?! Meanwhile I was looking after newborn, running around doing ALL the food and getting people drinks. He mentioned to me both children immediately fell asleep in the car for 1.5 hours so he’d been forced to pull over and SIT IN THR CAR for the whole time scrolling for the hour before the party. Eldest is long beyond napping so that was fucking unhelpful to add to the list of being the world shittest husband of the day.

at the party:

  • He put loud sport on the tv in the room the party was in until I made him turn it off again
  • only noticed I needed help when one of the other dads offered to help and was cutting up some fruit for me
  • he said I seemed stressed and said I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE ORGANISED argh I wanted to poke his eyes out and put his head on a stick
  • walked over half way through pass the parcel to loudly ask me to turn the music off as it was ruining his conversation with one of the dads. I couldn’t bite my tongue and said sorry is this CHILDRENS birthday party inconveniencing your adult conversation
  • didnt supervise any of our children as I would have expected normally. So one was crying as had been pushed over and another was having a fight over a toy with another child. My mum friends helped out by changing my children into their party clothes when they arrived home from the car nap and changed my toddlers nappy. And another friend offered to change my newborn for me while i was shoving some sausage rolls in the oven (very close friends. Thank GOD for women).
  • He then asked me when we were doing the cake as I was breastfeeding newborn and trotted off to get the candles I had already put out on the side ready and ASKED ME HOW MANY CANDLES WE NEEDED FOR THE CAKE for his own child’s birthday I shit you not. Like I said, all our children are under 5 so he genuinely could not be more brainless here. You cannot make this shit up.
  • His final helpful contribution was coming over to me as I cut up cake, was asking me if I had done party bags (oooo no and it’s so helpful asking me at the end of the party as if I hadn’t wtf would he be doing now to rectify that) and then TELLING ME how many slices I needed to cut up AS IF I didn’t know how many children I had invited, catered for and made party bags for.

I WANT TO PUT MY HUSBAND IN THE BIN. End of rant.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 27/07/2025 07:15

The bit about telling you to turn the music down in the middle of Parcel the Parcel because he's talking, makes me despair.

There is a man who is completely self-centred and totally uninterested in the needs of anyone except himself.

Hodgemollar · 27/07/2025 07:19

I just don’t understand how you get to this point if I’m honest.
He had no things to be responsible for in the run up to the party, why?
You just left him to sleep in until 9:30 and seethed but didn’t say anything?
Why did you tell him it was fine to go to the gym when he has already laid in?
When he said he would take the children so you could have a nap why didn’t you say X, Y, Z needed to be done for the party?

It sounds like he’s surely always been like this. None of it is normal behaviour that anyone I know would put up with from their DHs.

PinkCatInATree · 27/07/2025 07:42

Frankly I would print out your original post and leave it for him to read. What a knob.

Next time a list of things to be done and an agreement on who does what as he has proved he is too lazy to think for himself

Interested in this thread?

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suburburban · 27/07/2025 07:46

Just terrible of him

i totally sympathise as I had 3 under 4 but my dh was helpful with parties

Blottum · 27/07/2025 07:47

PinkCatInATree · 27/07/2025 07:42

Frankly I would print out your original post and leave it for him to read. What a knob.

Next time a list of things to be done and an agreement on who does what as he has proved he is too lazy to think for himself

As if someone like this is going to even read it, let alone take a mumsnet thread on board

Gettingbysomehow · 27/07/2025 07:47

Sorry but not terribly sympathetic. You had three kids with this prick. I'd have kicked him out after 6 months.

doodleschnoodle · 27/07/2025 07:49

God what a useless tit. At the last at home party we did, DH ended up in the playroom with the kids for over an hour while they jumped on him, wrestled him, and played games and the rest of us sat in the other room eating party food and chatting! It was great, we didn’t even get round to the party games I had planned as they were having too much fun.

He sounds awful and not just in isolated way but generally, so the question is, what now?

Startrak · 27/07/2025 07:52

Imagine having 3 children in quick succession with this waste of space. There is no way he is an engaged, equal partner and decent father and this is a one off- your poor kids.

Jennyathemall · 27/07/2025 07:52

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 27/07/2025 05:52

These threads always baffle me. Can I ask why you have three children with someone so useless? Also can I ask, I'm assuming it's fair to say he's always useless so why didn't you give him a specific list of tasks? My DC had their 4th birthday last week, my DH is unreliable so a friend helped me to set up while he stayed at home to sort out DC and he was told his job during the party was to watch DC as I would be too busy with party stuff. I feel for you, but this can't be new so what did you expect.

Have to say that was my first thought. How did you get to 3 kids with such a man? Just why?

StreetlightPerson · 27/07/2025 08:12

I think people are being unfair with the comments like 'why have a party at home' and 'you should have woken him.' I would expect any dad to be proactive or at least to say, OK what needs doing? (and then do it) in this situation.

MalcolmMoo · 27/07/2025 08:12

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 05:44

Yabu for doing pass the parcel, the most tedious of kids party games which goes on for hours.

Next time hire a soft play.

The price of softplay versus the price of pass the parcel hmmm…

£95 minimum for softplay hire around here not exactly affordable is it?

Blottum · 27/07/2025 08:16

How much was the bouncy castle hire?

anyway all a bit irrelevant

This was either out of character for him
or
totally in keeping with how he generally has always been and continues to be, I. Which case Op - limited sympathy given you presumably chose to have three kids in under 4 years with him. At any point you could have paused to consider whether this was actually a man that it would be in a child’s best interest to be their father.

livingthatlifevondutch · 27/07/2025 08:17

Thank you for making me appreciate my husband today! I am so glad he is not like this and shoulders his fair share.

Your “D”H needs a proper reality check!

User505351 · 27/07/2025 08:23

Was the birthday child late to their own party? I cant work out who was with the dad when. If so that's just a whole other level of stupidness

inappropriateraspberry · 27/07/2025 08:28

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 06:17

Op hired a bouncy castle and catered. It's £200 to hire our local soft play for a party. The costs are similar I'd imagine once it's all totalled up

Catered? She did a party tea herself.

Tonkerbea · 27/07/2025 08:28

He's too selfish to ever be a good husband or father. His weaponised incompetence is a way of controlling you.

You're going to have to divorce him at some point, don't have any more children with this man. Was it his idea to have 3 under 4?

Most of the husbands I know would never be this self serving on a day supposedly about his child

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 27/07/2025 08:29

Did it really take you 3 dc to realise he can only manage 1 thing?
Making the dc..

inappropriateraspberry · 27/07/2025 08:30

I would be so embarrassed to welcome guests when the birthday child wasn’t even there! Your husband is disgraceful.

Pinty · 27/07/2025 08:33

Blottum · 27/07/2025 05:39

You should have woken him. You should have communicated with him.

but really you should never have married him and had three kids with him!!

you were a martyr op
and now you’re going to be in a grump today
but this is the useless man you married

unless you’re now going to drip that aside from this one day… he’s the most brilliant husband and father?

Don't blame OP for her husband's useless behaviour!
This is all on him and she is entitled to rant about him it's not her fault!

2catsandhappy · 27/07/2025 08:34

You poor woman. Sympathies. That gave me flash backs.
Useless selfish lazy grumpy miserable exh flashbacks. Such a shame for my step dds as I never organized them another party. I knew I couldn't do it all and alone. It is the logistics. You cannot supervise the dc in the room and be pulling pizza out of the oven at the same time. Pour drinks and run the pass the parcel game. Take a kid to the loo and hand out party bags. Cannot be done alone. So I get it. I've more memories of my exh standing in the kitchen just watching than of my sc having a great time.

Years passed, new man, own dd. He knew his limits and paid for soft play party. I did the rest. Easier and dd didn't know any different.

I hope your day today is stress free @Arghhhhhparty . Hopefully cooking free to. Eat left overs and glue yourself to the settee. He gets to take the dc out.

Blottum · 27/07/2025 08:36

Pinty · 27/07/2025 08:33

Don't blame OP for her husband's useless behaviour!
This is all on him and she is entitled to rant about him it's not her fault!

I disagree

He’ll have been like this… well since having children in all likelihood.
and here the Op is with 3 under in 4 years.

Lafufufu · 27/07/2025 08:38

Blottum · 27/07/2025 05:39

You should have woken him. You should have communicated with him.

but really you should never have married him and had three kids with him!!

you were a martyr op
and now you’re going to be in a grump today
but this is the useless man you married

unless you’re now going to drip that aside from this one day… he’s the most brilliant husband and father?

This.
And we know you arent going to dripfeed he is awesome.

you have a newborn so if you are like me pp you are feeling not feeling the best...but really the party is the last of your issues.

Half the day unfolded as it did because you dont fight him (i know you shouldnt have to but...) he's also trained you to accept the shit he offers and also for you to enable it.

I couldn't live like this...
It needs to stop.
You either need to go nuclear and do a full reset or look at your options for "managing him out" of your life.

Stressedout150 · 27/07/2025 08:42

Jesus Christ- how awful. So I’m assuming the birthday child was late to their own party. That’s so embarrassing!!

it does make me appreciate me DH who organised all the party bags for our little ones party. Got involved in all the playing with the kids, bought coffees for the parents. Was just fully engaged the whole time.

but then I wouldn’t have had children with anyone who wasn’t to be honest !

Fleur405 · 27/07/2025 08:44

Well he was an absolute shit.

but… are you actually going to tell him this or just post on here? TBH I would have a lot to say about him announcing he’s going to the gym instead of helping you with the party.

DarkPurpleSpots · 27/07/2025 08:44

My husband was rubbish for my DC's 4th party. Totally rubbish. Not only no use but actively spoiled the event.

I didn't invite him to the 5th. I booked a venue and drafted in friends and family to help. We had a lovely time.

He was very hurt that he'd missed it, but as I told him I don't see how he would have fitted it around the sports event and pub trip he'd already booked and planned with friends.