How many hours did you work after going back from maternity leave?

[twoorthreeorfour]

My contract is changing to 3 days, 22.5 hours. I wondered what other people do. If you reduced your hours, at what point did you go full time again?

Do you mind me asking who said that to you? Was your initial return to work supportive?

Do you mind me asking who asked you? Was your initial return to work supportive?
It has certainly been my experience that people ask a lot of intrusive questions from the moment you are pregnant (why I’m checking if you mind me asking!)

Yet you will apply for benefits if need be?

So I don’t currently, but I don’t judge mothers who do. I know some who have a partner who works FT but in a less well paid sector, and lower income families shouldn’t be priced out of caring for their own young children.

Mine are older now, but I would have rather claimed benefits to be with them because I wanted to be with them that much. Other countries are far, far more generous towards families.

Colleagues - female colleagues.
I always knew I’d return full time. I had colleagues who kept telling me I’d change my mind. When I did return full time they told me I’d last 6 months.
Ten years later and not only am I still full time but I’ve been promoted numerous times and completed a PhD.

I’ve typically found that female colleagues and managers have assumed that I won’t want opportunities or that I’ll be less interested in my job. I’ve had two wonderful male managers who have given me amazing opportunities while appreciating I have a young family.

I work at university so they tend to be pretty supportive and have clear policies and procedures in place to support your return to work.

I think you've been very unfortunate in the people around you, and that does make it more understandable that you have been so strongly defensive of what you do. I'm also really glad that you've rowed back from the idea that the extremist Christian model of male headship in the family is the ideal that we must all aspire to because it is superior to everything else.

We should all just live and let live. You do what is right for you and your family, others do what is right for theirs and it isn't a competition. And we are all good parents, because we all do what's best for our families. We're not infallible because nobody is.

Walk tall when people like your brother sneer at you.

That’s positive to hear you’ve still had opportunities to reflect your interest.

I do have a friend who I have spent a great deal of time listening to and supporting who I believe has been treated awfully since being PT. We both worked together FT and she was always brilliant. She personally mentored me, known her for 15 years. Things I know she did really well professionally completely stopped, which wasn’t what she wanted. Really uncalled for.

Congratulations on your PhD, that’s a huge achievement 🥂

@SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal Don't judge the potty training if some are late as there may be reasons you aren't aware of like SEN or in the case of my daughter absolute refusal to sit on a potty.

Mostly colleagues for me too (male, I work with mostly men who either have SAHM's or wives who work very part time), though also family. My mum believes that children belong at home with their mother so you can imagine her horror when I willingly by choice went back to work at 3 months and then did it again when I had twins.

I had to have a big discussion with work when I was overlooked for an opportunity which involved a possible promotion as it included brief travel and it was just assumed that I wouldn't want to leave DS who was a baby at the time. It was resolved but it obviously shouldn't have happened in the first place.

For some yes, but I don’t think so for the vast majority. I don’t think modern pull-ups have helped with this either. A child can’t sense they are wet, so no incentive to not want to experience that discomfort. If everyone still had to wash the nappies or couldn’t send their children to pre-school/school unless they were dry (not including SEND) then I do think we’d see a difference.

Has your Mum’s opinion changed as time has gone by?

I don't know. She wanted to look after them when I was at work and was upset when I politely declined and was happy to send them to nursery.

I'm not sure if she feels differently now because they are toddlers and not small babies.

Thank you.

One of the reasons I didn’t want to go part time was because I felt it would limit my career progression and I could see part time staff doing the work of a full time person but for less pay. It’s not right but that’s what I could see.

Working in academia has a number of challenges but they’re particularly pronounced for women. Where possible I’ve got involved in initiatives and projects which are designed to support women working in higher education and address the inequalities.

I will be going back to work full time after maternity leave next year. I will have accrued enough annual leave to work a 3 day week for the first 5 months back in work then it’ll be back to full time. We could afford for me to return to work for 3 or 4 days a week or term time only, however I don’t feel it would be fair to me to lose the income and my partner to reap the benefits of having me home more. So for now, I’m returning for 37hours a week. My hours are flexible so this will work for now. I may change my mind once I’m back in work though.

I had the travel issue too - there was an assumption that I wouldn’t want to travel as I had a young child.
I still get asked who’s babysitting when I travel though 🙄

The most frustrating example of people making assumptions was when a colleague of mine was retiring. They were really keen for me to replace her but she told the hiring manager that I would want part time as I had a baby. At no point had we had that conversation! They advertised the role as part time and I didn’t apply - not only did I want f/t but I needed it as we’d just taken on a bigger mortgage.
When I was asked why I hadn’t applied I told them. They were so annoyed but as they hadn’t appointed anyone they could change the role and I applied - and got it. Lessons were learned!

Out of interest- what are the main challenges?

I had a very bad experience in my previous workplace prior to resigning. I’m unsure if it was sexist or just a clash of personalities. Close colleagues think it was sexist. One told me she thought I did 3x more work and everything by the book, but the boss would pick me up over the tiniest thing. She observed him being very complimentary, buddy and matey with a male colleague on the same level as me who in her opinion did far less work. I was manoeuvred into taking on work I wasn’t paid for, which somebody else did challenge on my behalf but ultimately nothing came of it. He also tried to get me to lie about a less junior colleague’s work behaviour as he wanted her out because she took in his opinion too much time off when her child was ill. He was pushing for any evidence he could use against her. She was excellent at her job and to work with, I was horrified and told him straight that I had zero issues with her work, in fact quite the opposite. That definitely angered him further towards me.

He was absolutely not a boss I would have wanted to return to work for after maternity leave.

I went back 0.6 FTE in 2016 after my first maternity leave. Got promoted in 2017 and 2018. Second maternity leave in 2018. Got promoted again in 2023 and with that I went up to 0.8 once both children in school. Exh and I had split up and financially I needed to be able to take on the mortgage by myself. I get a small top up of UC which according to some on MN makes me the scum of the earth. I need the flexibility 0.8 offers if I need to make time up, and mentally I can’t manage full time at the moment. I’ll consider going full time when dc2 is at secondary.

I’ve managed to advance in my career just fine since my children were born but I’ve been lucky to land a family friendly employer.

It’s none of my business but for what it’s worth I am certain she will be extremely proud of you and your achievements.

I would also like to apologise for being rude and unkind earlier on in the conversation, it was uncalled for. Thank you for still sharing your experiences and discussing things.

You are definitely not the scum of the earth for needing some help, you are doing loads. Definitely take no notice 😊

The challenges include:
-Short term contracts which can often mean having to move institutions (sometimes country)frequently.

-Promotion criteria is often heavily skewed towards research output, research grants and publications. Female dominated subjects often attract lower research grants. Due to the nature of the job research and writing is often done on evenings, weekends and holidays. This is more challenging for women with caring responsibilities. Evidence of this can be seen during Covid and the first lockdown - publications from male academics increased where as it was pretty much non existent for female academics.

-Maternity leave and part time contracts means less time for research and publications so women share often playing catch up.

-There is research that suggests female academics are more likely to to take on pastoral roles which don’t carry much weight when it comes to academic promotion.

-Imposter syndrome!!!

Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear about these challenges.

Now a PhD is a huge achievement?

this is your opinion earlier in the thread:

“And not everybody is impressed by degrees and PHDs. Many are largely worthless nowadays, which people are wising up to. Not everyone wants to start married life with years of unnecessary debt”

more contradiction. Make up your mind.

My earlier comment does not affect my true opinion.

I’ll explain- I was actually a straight A student with a first class degree. I won academic prizes all through school and university. I actually love studying for its own sake, read daily and have actually recently returned to studying because it fits it around my children now my youngest is going to school. I’ve actually spent years arguing with my own family, none of whom went to university, about how fantastic it is!

So why the earlier comment? 2 reasons:

1. My background and qualifications are similar to HighLadyofTheNightCourt’s, but on a different thread nobody had a good word to say to me when learning I had achieved so highly from troubled background. Actually though, that is not this poster’s fault, she didn’t know about that and hence why I went on to congratulate her.
2. I have received nothing but praise for my own qualifications, and nothing but disdain for my work at home caring for my own children. I value my work at home even more highly, it is of great importance to me. I was making a point that it is hurtful when somebody rubbishes your achievements, whatever they may be. Despite experiencing a lot of negativity, I actually champion all of my friend’s achievements IRL. Again, none of this is HighLadyofTheNightCourt’s fault. I felt bad about my earlier comment as it’s actually not what I genuinely think. A PhD is a fantastic achievement she will have put a lot of hard work into (I know because I studied at the best university in the world under a very fast, intense academic pace).

Remember, I’m always in the minority on here. You all have multiple other posters backing your opinions.

I’m lost. So what is your “true opinion”?

that academic qualifications for girls are worthless, and the should be focussing earlier on marriage and children. As this is directed by God that woman should serve man as head of the household.

or that academic achievement should be celebrated.

nobody cares if you’re a stay at home mum. That is not what we’re discussing. It’s your statements that women’s role is to marry and bring up kids, nurseries are evil, we should go back to the idyllic 50’s where everyone was forced to be a sahm. Suggesting working mums are not good parents, and your way is the only way.

that is what we’re taking issue with, not your choice to sah.

fwiw I’ve found the exact opposite irl. Many people seem to think marriage and children are a woman’s only goal. You could be head of the United Nations and end all wars, but if you don’t have kids you’re a failure. Many childfree women are constantly asked when they’re having kids, why aren’t they having kids, they’ll regret it if they don’t…