How many hours did you work after going back from maternity leave?

[twoorthreeorfour]

My contract is changing to 3 days, 22.5 hours. I wondered what other people do. If you reduced your hours, at what point did you go full time again?

It's really funny, but I managed to do all of that, with the same outcomes, for my children whilst working full time. Almost as if there are multiple ways of raising children well.

All things we did with DT’s - they aren’t unique to a SAHP

If you spent a day with my beautiful, confident, kind, vivacious, chatty, funny, clever daughter you’d know she will of course follow her own path in life, and I will be behind her every step of the way. I am absolutely besotted with her, cannot wait to see where life takes her…

Her and my son see a husband and wife who are as in love as they were in their early twenties. Who laugh, chat, show affection publicly. A Dad who has breakfast with them every day before leaving for work, who refuses to change the location of his work or push for promotion as he rushes home in only 5 mins to have dinner, bath them, read to them and put them to bed every night. A Dad who quit his evening hobby and turned down overnight invites for the whole first year of our daughter’s life because they co-slept for the first year so I could be rested for the day ahead. A Dad who would support me working FT/PT/not at all. A Mum who has been absolutely there for them every day of their lives. A Mum and Dad who both prefer being at home, time with each other and their children to anything else life has to offer.

They will see nothing but marriage and having children as positive things. I would certainly have zero issue with either of my children taking time out to meet the needs of their future families or doing anything they need to to prioritise them.

No different than families with two working parents

That is not unique to you or SAHP.

Didn’t say it was, but I absolutely take exception to the poster implying we are not setting a good example to our children. That is highly offensive. Promoting a harmonious marriage and a love of raising children is setting a very good example.

This is in response to a poster implying that children of SAHMs are somehow shy, clingy, unable to detach, etc. Not at all!

But you've spent days implying that working mothers are neglecting their kids, husbands and marriages.

That completely contradicts your earlier posts though where you state your wish to return to the 50’s, that women should be focussing on preparing for marriage and not be “distracted” by education and careers.

so it’s ok for your dd to follow her own path, but yet you berate other women for working and insist sahm is the only path in life for women.

the more you post the more you’re contradicting yourself.

you have no idea whether they will see marriage as only positive based on your model. Your daughter may be looking at you at home and thinking fuck no, I want to be an artist/doctor/yoga teacher and not be tied to the home and kids all day every day.

you judge those of us who don’t think our sahm’s did the best job, yet have no idea how your children will view your choices.

I agree in that I’ve had a career, and this calling/vocation/responsibility/life’s work matter with much more. It has so much more meaning to me.

Others would argue it is a career, because others pay a team of people to do what a diligent housewife does by herself. A team of childcare providers, cleaners, gardeners, DIY experts.

I don’t even outsource my window cleaning- recently had to sack a charlatan who tried to charge me for cleaning half the house. I absolutely caught him out because he didn’t realise I was home, keeping a watchful eye on my home. Car washers similarly very poor quality, so back to doing it myself. So I now outsource absolutely nothing.

Knowing children, I’m don’t doubt that as adults they’ll have plenty to say 😂 everyone on here seems to be trying to do things differently to their own parents, that’s our lot I think that as someone of children get older we are all going to hear their opinions of us. I’m sure I will hear plenty of negative, I think that’s to be expected 😂 children as often the harshest judges of their own parents.

Nothing would ever make me think there is anything positive about doing cleaning, car washing etc yourself when you can outsource. You’re obviously poor at finding good people.
My time can be much better spent than cleaning windows!

Working mothers cannot read any post by a SAHM without taking from it that what they are saying automatically is a criticism of themselves. It’s the same on any thread.

Every time I read a post saying ‘I work so I can provide all of my children with their own bedrooms, a large house, holidays, expensive hobbies, catchment area for a good school’, I don’t individually start commenting and replying to them. They are stating facts, it’s irrelevant to me, I certainly don’t it as a personal affront that we can’t afford those things. We have different priorities. I don’t value having a lot of money. I prefer being time rich.

No, you've actually called us neglectful and terrible mothers.

I have never read a post by a SAHM and assumed it's a criticism of me. I completely own my choices and respect that other women make choices that suit them.

Car washing is fun to do with our children on a lazy day. They love it! We do it as a 4.

I had a wonderful window cleaner for years who unfortunately died recently. Open to recommendations, as he has been very hard to replace! 🥲

Again contradictory.

earlier you were appalled when posters dares to suggest their experience of a sahm wasn’t great.

if a sahm and wife is the godly way, why is your daughter exempt from gods plan?

Financially I’ve never needed to work but I had an excellent education and studied for post grad qualifications. I’ve been lucky enough to have a career I’ve enjoyed (as has DH) and we have put our skills to good use.
A career gives more than financial benefits.

Also the research is very clear - children of working parents with mid to high socio economic privilege do best. By far. Those that go to preschool (in Uat perhaps nursery? In Uk) also do significantly better than children who don't have that opportunity. You're kidding yourself if you think modelling not working as an able adult is a goal.

The benefits are also more pronounced for daughters of working mothers.

A less obvious benefit of full time nursery for DT’s was learning English. Although we were living in London at the time, English is our third language and not spoken at home (we are a Belgian/French Canadian family).

DT’s learnt English at nursery from the staff and their playmates and have grown up trilingual.

You can do all of that and also have a career though. It isn't one or the other.

I'm also always told how confident and independent mine are too. My 2 year old was potty trained at 18 months, he says please and thank you, he makes sure to tell his keyworker when he knows it's Friday to 'have a good weekend' etc.

You still teach them plenty of things and also work.

Right OK. Let’s clear up a few things about the 1950s:

• Was everyone a housewife? No.
• Was everyone who was one happy? No.
• Were some happy? Yes.
• Are those who choose to be one today happy? Yes.
• Was it better being a housewife in the ‘50s- yes because more women were so you had more friends, and absolutely yes because society respected it as a role of great importance to both the family and local community. 1950s housewives were not constantly badgered about when they were going back to work, which completely minimises their contribution.
• Is being a housewife better nowadays? Yes because you can drive, housework is less intensive and so you have more time to enjoy a much wider range of activities with your children and have some fun!

When I say I’d like to go back to the ‘50s I am primarily referring to it being non-controversial to be a housewife. Respected and celebrated even!

Great job on the potty training. It used to be the norm for children be potty trained between 18 months-2 years.

On potty training specifically, something has gone wrong somewhere with that. Higher numbers of children than ever are arriving in Reception wearing nappies.

I speak to both SAH & working Mums IRL who have lost confidence with this. Genuinely panicking about how to do it, many are giving up and saying ‘I’ll wait for pre-school to do it’. How have we got to this point? Where are all the health visitors? The closure of Sure Start centres was a travesty. How do we have Mums (who have managed to potty train children since day dot) who now feel they need help from ‘experts’ or ‘an expert’ to do this for them? They don’t.

How incredibly patronising to all of the adults who are busy not working but very busy caring for their own children/SEND children/home educating/caring for an ill spouse/caring for elderly parents/possibly caring for young children and elderly parents and ILs at the same time. Who may also even be unwell themselves.

Presenting facts and research isn't patronising.