How many hours did you work after going back from maternity leave?

[twoorthreeorfour]

My contract is changing to 3 days, 22.5 hours. I wondered what other people do. If you reduced your hours, at what point did you go full time again?

12 weeks is 3 months. Why not phrase it like that?

And not everyone has choices. You're very privileged to be a SAHM.

I guess it doesn't sound quite as dramatic...

4 days after DC1. 2 days after DC 2 (less than 2 year age gap)

How many nurseries have you visited? We went to about 10 before selecting the one we used. None of them resembled an institution.

Again - why should everyone do the same as you?

It’s not 1984, you can get my opinion deleted but you absolutely can’t stop me thinking it, as so many, many others (including Mums who do work). Thankfully many are going financially bust and shutting.

Who is going financially bust and shutting down?

I didn't. The cost of childcare out of the household income ( both wages went to one account) wasn't worth it. My wage was low ans worked out after fuel , parking and childcare put household gained £150pm. Wasn't worth the stress. So we managed on dh wage. As soon as they started school I went back to work wfh and as long as my job is done I choose my time to work. I generally manage to get it done in 2 evenings during holidays. No childcare costs , and a balance of work, free time and family time.

I missed your deleted comment which I assume was about me.

Sending my own children to nursery at 3 months old doesn’t mean I believe all parents should do the same thing. See, I understand that parents can parent differently and still be good parents without making the exact same parenting choices as me.

It was absolutely the right choice for my family and I stand by that. Is it the right choice for every family? Of course not.

Are you saying you advocate the closing of nurseries? Even though this restricts the choices of women and is a sector that employs predominantly women.

If women were removed from the labour market due to the lack of childcare options then who will teach in our schools? Who will replace the medical professionals who work in roles that are female dominated? Who will teach in our universities? Keep the retail and hospitality sector going? Who will work as carers?

Unfortunately @SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal thinks there is only one right way - her way.

when you put it like that one country springs to mind where women can’t work, cannot access education and get “sidetracked” stopping them focusing on true women’s work- husbands and babies. They also have young marriage ages so women can’t crack on with the above.

they say it’s in the name of god as well.

if the uk is so morally corrupt, have you thought about moving somewhere like the above that seems to fit your ideal?

eta last paragraph not aimed at you @HighLadyofTheNightCourt

Oh, I know.

Absolutely, they are not right for under 2s, debatable for 2-3s. We can and should do better for the youngest members of our society.

My ideal would be:

• Mums get a 3 year maternity leave (which can be shared with Dad if they cannot possibly cope with putting in the essential hard graft and care themselves during that critical period).
• Use any current governmental funding currently wasted on free hours for babies/toddlers to ensure all 3-4 year olds have access to 15 hours of high quality time early years education delivered by qualified Early Years Teachers in school-based pre-school classes which are led by Head Teachers.
• Use any governmental funding currently wasted on free hours for babies/toddlers to hire more TAs for school aged children. Give them a pay rise too, they’ve more than earned it.
• Recruit more home-based childminders and pay them more.

Many of the jobs you talk about used to be seamlessly fulfilled by housewives and whole communities who lived and supporting each other in a holistically communal way.

Many of those job you mentioned can be and are currently done by women or men who don’t have children/who haven’t yet started a family/who are returning to work with school-aged children/who have children who have left home. It is not essential that mothers with under 3s, who are busy enough, fill all of these jobs for such a short and important time in the lives of their own children.

Society has of course always had issues with a woman who has her own very strong opinions.

The more money and career obsessed the UK comes (just like America, where mothers have the worst maternity rights in the world- diabolical place) then yeah, I would look elsewhere to be honest.

I’m absolutely keeping home schooling on the table as an option as well. I will certainly be making it crystal clear when visiting prospective secondary schools that the moment any male with meat and 2 veg tries to share a changing room or bathroom with my daughter then that is the moment she will not be setting foot in such a place. Thankfully the law is now finally backing common sense on such issues, and about time.

Absolutely, they are not right for under 2s, debatable for 2-3s.

That is not what the research says so this statement is incorrect.

Many of the jobs you talk about used to be seamlessly fulfilled by housewives and whole communities who lived and supporting each other in a holistically communal way.

No. I want my healthcare professionals, my teachers and university lecturers to be properly trained and qualified.

Many of those job you mentioned can be and are currently done by women or men who don’t have children/who haven’t yet started a family/who are returning to work with school-aged children/who have children who have left home. It is not essential that mothers with under 3s, who are busy enough, fill all of these jobs for such a short and important time in the lives of their own children.

These jobs are also being done by men and women with young families. Which is also fine.
Nobody has said it is essential for women to return to work, just like it isn't essential for them to stay at home. We have a choice, a concept which seems alien to you.

It always makes me a little sad to see such blatant misogyny coming from a women.

What does that have to do with working mothers?

And it always makes me sad to see mothers not understanding and realising their own unique importance to their young children. That should always come above the needs of any demanding employer, who really doesn’t give a stuff.

What makes you think any of us are putting work before our children? We're not. We're just parenting differently to you.

Working mothers are more reliant on schools. I am not reliant on state run schools. I keep a very close eye on them. Primary is OK so far. I have the absolute freedom to withdraw my children at any point though if they try to promote things we as a family are strongly against.

I’d advise any mother to never be too reliant on any government run organisation.

Strong opinions are fine. The issue is believing that all women want to live the same way and that it is the only way to live.

I would never, ever want to be a SAHM and I certainly wouldn’t want to give up my career for 3 years.

As I’ve said before, society should back any mother who wants to be one. I am furious and distressed for any mother who is priced out of that choice.

Working PARENTS are reliant on schools. My DH needs DS to go to school so he can work just as much as I do!
I have always taken my son's education seriously. I'm a governor at his primary school and a Trustee at the secondary school he will go to. Both fabulous.
DS would hate to be home schooled. School is the bast place for him to get his education.

Glad to hear it. I believe you actually, given how passionately you’ve debated on here. I respect that. Never apologise for a second for putting them first to anyone. Fantastic to hear.