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How many hours did you work after going back from maternity leave?

623 replies

twoorthreeorfour · 26/07/2025 20:19

My contract is changing to 3 days, 22.5 hours. I wondered what other people do. If you reduced your hours, at what point did you go full time again?

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 28/07/2025 14:40

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 13:49

You see, my money would still be on you being the better SAHP, with Dad a close second. You are their Mum, the absolute perfect Mum for your unique children. You are beautifully matched and everything they could ever need. They would choose you over anyone. It’s a beautiful bond, the most sincerely genuine. Hope on some level you know that. I hope people around you have told you that you are a good mother. 💐

It saddens me greatly that modern society has tried to drive such a wedge and separation between mothers and babies. It is unsurprising many mothers lack confidence and support and now assume that anyone can do a better job than them, from a paid Nursery worker to their DH, all in the name of being ‘empowered’. There used to be far more support and encouragement for mothers. I’d back you.

Look, you’re doing things your way, but remember- if you ever change your mind and want to scale back, spend more time with your DCs, etc don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than for doing just that. That can be hard for anyone who strongly identifies with work due to constant drilling by modern schools, universities, the workplace and the mass media about the importance of career, career, career. Any time you spend with your own children has immeasurable worth to both them and you.

You’d be wrong. I know I’m a good mum and don’t lack confidence about that at all but a reason why I’m a good mum is because I work full time. I’d be utterly miserable as a SAHM and I don’t see how that would benefit my children.

I’m also the higher earner and financially if someone was to be a SAHP it would make sense for it to be DH. I don’t agree that his bond with them is inferior just because he’s a man. They are just as likely to go to him as they are to me.

Mustbethat · 28/07/2025 14:46

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 13:49

You see, my money would still be on you being the better SAHP, with Dad a close second. You are their Mum, the absolute perfect Mum for your unique children. You are beautifully matched and everything they could ever need. They would choose you over anyone. It’s a beautiful bond, the most sincerely genuine. Hope on some level you know that. I hope people around you have told you that you are a good mother. 💐

It saddens me greatly that modern society has tried to drive such a wedge and separation between mothers and babies. It is unsurprising many mothers lack confidence and support and now assume that anyone can do a better job than them, from a paid Nursery worker to their DH, all in the name of being ‘empowered’. There used to be far more support and encouragement for mothers. I’d back you.

Look, you’re doing things your way, but remember- if you ever change your mind and want to scale back, spend more time with your DCs, etc don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than for doing just that. That can be hard for anyone who strongly identifies with work due to constant drilling by modern schools, universities, the workplace and the mass media about the importance of career, career, career. Any time you spend with your own children has immeasurable worth to both them and you.

”beautiful bond”. my arse. My mum readily admits, and always has, that she never wanted children, never felt maternal, and really didn’t like being at home with us.

she had children because my dad loved them, and wanted a big family. She put her foot down at 2. she felt as she had no job, women didn’t have a career then, children it was.

which is why I think she’d have been better working. She’s proud of us now but it seems to be a validation of her life, rather than our achievements.

the “immeasurable worth” for me, came in my achievements outside the home. I’d have liked to continue those but as I said finances meant I gave them all up at secondary age. I’d have much preferred to continue my swimming and athletics clubs (I was good), learning independence and self esteem, than the evenings spent watching corrie with my mum or reading books alone in my room.

my bond was better with my dad as he used to take me swimming and to my clubs and activities, be engaged in my life.

Not all women want, or like children.

Notmyluck · 28/07/2025 14:48

@mustbethat that's a different topic altogether if you are not maternal. I also imagine it was a completely different era when your mother was raising her children.

Everyone's circumstances differ.

Mustbethat · 28/07/2025 14:51

Notmyluck · 28/07/2025 14:48

@mustbethat that's a different topic altogether if you are not maternal. I also imagine it was a completely different era when your mother was raising her children.

Everyone's circumstances differ.

Different era? What like your “perfect 1950’s”

there”ll have been a lot of non-maternal women stuck at home with kids they didn’t want, but had to keep their husband and home. Women with no careers meant that was their only choice.

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 14:55

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 28/07/2025 14:15

You know the bible is made up yeah? And written by men projecting their own expectations of women.

And you do realise that religious beliefs are still a protected characteristic under the Equality Act? You know, the law. So quit being so discriminatory.

Notmyluck · 28/07/2025 14:56

@mustbethat exactly.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 28/07/2025 14:58

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 14:55

And you do realise that religious beliefs are still a protected characteristic under the Equality Act? You know, the law. So quit being so discriminatory.

In what way have any of my posts been discriminatory?
Pointing out that the bible isn’t fact is not discrimination.

Parker231 · 28/07/2025 15:18

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 13:49

You see, my money would still be on you being the better SAHP, with Dad a close second. You are their Mum, the absolute perfect Mum for your unique children. You are beautifully matched and everything they could ever need. They would choose you over anyone. It’s a beautiful bond, the most sincerely genuine. Hope on some level you know that. I hope people around you have told you that you are a good mother. 💐

It saddens me greatly that modern society has tried to drive such a wedge and separation between mothers and babies. It is unsurprising many mothers lack confidence and support and now assume that anyone can do a better job than them, from a paid Nursery worker to their DH, all in the name of being ‘empowered’. There used to be far more support and encouragement for mothers. I’d back you.

Look, you’re doing things your way, but remember- if you ever change your mind and want to scale back, spend more time with your DCs, etc don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than for doing just that. That can be hard for anyone who strongly identifies with work due to constant drilling by modern schools, universities, the workplace and the mass media about the importance of career, career, career. Any time you spend with your own children has immeasurable worth to both them and you.

I was lucky in having parents and in laws, both having successful careers.

My parents were supportive of both my DSil and I having careers and children (they are brilliant grandparents). We saw that you can have it all.

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 15:22

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 28/07/2025 14:58

In what way have any of my posts been discriminatory?
Pointing out that the bible isn’t fact is not discrimination.

Edited

And pointing out that men and women are different is also a fact, but people still take exception to that. Faith and tradition are more important for religious people.

pointythings · 28/07/2025 15:25

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 14:10

There’s no formula on a desert island 😂 another modern invention to fool women into thinking they are identical to men. They’re not.

I am 57 and all the way through menopause, so that baby on the desert island with me would not make it.

Parker231 · 28/07/2025 15:26

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 15:22

And pointing out that men and women are different is also a fact, but people still take exception to that. Faith and tradition are more important for religious people.

Everyone knows men and women are different but doesn’t mean that they can’t parent equally instead of one opting out because you are male and have the big job!

pointythings · 28/07/2025 15:27

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 14:55

And you do realise that religious beliefs are still a protected characteristic under the Equality Act? You know, the law. So quit being so discriminatory.

Saying that the Bible was written by people is not discrimination. Try taking that to court and get laughed at.

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 15:30

Mustbethat · 28/07/2025 14:46

”beautiful bond”. my arse. My mum readily admits, and always has, that she never wanted children, never felt maternal, and really didn’t like being at home with us.

she had children because my dad loved them, and wanted a big family. She put her foot down at 2. she felt as she had no job, women didn’t have a career then, children it was.

which is why I think she’d have been better working. She’s proud of us now but it seems to be a validation of her life, rather than our achievements.

the “immeasurable worth” for me, came in my achievements outside the home. I’d have liked to continue those but as I said finances meant I gave them all up at secondary age. I’d have much preferred to continue my swimming and athletics clubs (I was good), learning independence and self esteem, than the evenings spent watching corrie with my mum or reading books alone in my room.

my bond was better with my dad as he used to take me swimming and to my clubs and activities, be engaged in my life.

Not all women want, or like children.

Edited

Oh I’m more than aware that not all women want or like children, that is abundantly clear given how little time and attention many want to give to their own. Society actively teaches women to nowadays.

Many do have mothers who made them feel loved, and hence are able to shower their own children with that same love, care and attention.

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 15:31

pointythings · 28/07/2025 15:25

I am 57 and all the way through menopause, so that baby on the desert island with me would not make it.

Of course not, because you are not the woman who gave birth to it 😂

K0OLA1D · 28/07/2025 15:36

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 15:30

Oh I’m more than aware that not all women want or like children, that is abundantly clear given how little time and attention many want to give to their own. Society actively teaches women to nowadays.

Many do have mothers who made them feel loved, and hence are able to shower their own children with that same love, care and attention.

Do you mean to sound so patronising or are you completely oblivious?

pointythings · 28/07/2025 15:37

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 15:30

Oh I’m more than aware that not all women want or like children, that is abundantly clear given how little time and attention many want to give to their own. Society actively teaches women to nowadays.

Many do have mothers who made them feel loved, and hence are able to shower their own children with that same love, care and attention.

And many of those women who are able to give love and who are great mothers are women who work. You think there's only one right way to do motherhood. There isn't. Nobody is less or more, not working mothers, not stay at home mothers.

pointythings · 28/07/2025 15:37

K0OLA1D · 28/07/2025 15:36

Do you mean to sound so patronising or are you completely oblivious?

I think it's both.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 28/07/2025 15:59

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 15:22

And pointing out that men and women are different is also a fact, but people still take exception to that. Faith and tradition are more important for religious people.

Yes we are different.
Doesn't mean women automatically make better parents and that men should be the ones providing financially.
Faith and tradition don't necessarily (rarely) mean fact.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 28/07/2025 16:00

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 15:30

Oh I’m more than aware that not all women want or like children, that is abundantly clear given how little time and attention many want to give to their own. Society actively teaches women to nowadays.

Many do have mothers who made them feel loved, and hence are able to shower their own children with that same love, care and attention.

I shower my child with love, care and attention.
I also work.
The two are not mutually exclusive.

pointythings · 28/07/2025 16:02

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 28/07/2025 15:59

Yes we are different.
Doesn't mean women automatically make better parents and that men should be the ones providing financially.
Faith and tradition don't necessarily (rarely) mean fact.

Agree with you completely, and no faith or religion is exempt from criticism. We have freedom of speech. Saying that the Bible is fiction is covered by that.

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 16:04

K0OLA1D · 28/07/2025 15:36

Do you mean to sound so patronising or are you completely oblivious?

Nope, I have a different opinion. That’s allowed.

K0OLA1D · 28/07/2025 16:06

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 16:04

Nope, I have a different opinion. That’s allowed.

Ah oblivious then

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 16:07

Parker231 · 28/07/2025 14:12

And what relevance is a desert island - DH was a very active parent. He would have hated to be anything else. He did an equal share of night feedings, nursery and school drop offs, shopped for their clothes, knew about the friends and likes and dislikes etc.

I doubt he had much say in the matter. I and doubt he’s on here arguing about fatherhood- men don’t tend to.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 28/07/2025 16:07

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 16:04

Nope, I have a different opinion. That’s allowed.

You don’t seem keen to hear a different opinion to yours though. It needs to work both ways.

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 28/07/2025 16:09

Parker231 · 28/07/2025 14:18

Sorry that you think so poorly of your DC’s relationship with your DH.

I don’t think poorly of their relationship. I respect their different, but equally important, relationship.