How many hours did you work after going back from maternity leave?

[twoorthreeorfour]

My contract is changing to 3 days, 22.5 hours. I wondered what other people do. If you reduced your hours, at what point did you go full time again?

We both compressed FT hours to 4 days. Son is with us one day a week each, and 3 days nursery.

For a long weekend, we just need one day off each.

It's great.

Oh absolutely she did try her best.

doesn’t mean it didn’t have a big impact on me when she got it wrong. And part of that impact was being adamant she did her best and wasn’t wrong.

i am doing my best. My parenting decisions are guided my mother’s. Lots of things I do the same. But many- not allowing myself to be financially vulnerable, trying to factor in the impact of my decisions on my children rather than blindly following “mother knows best”- I am trying not to pass on to my own kids. Part of that is I don’t believe a sahm above all else- financial security, independence etc, is best for them.

i have no doubt I have and will continue to make parenting mistakes. I would hope my own children can take that and change things for the next generation.

i recognise my mothers mistakes and am trying to learn from them. It is not disrespectful or whatever else you accuse me of.

Same. Best of both worlds and I'm so glad we managed it! Was so lovely for us each to have a day with the kids - my husband would take them hiking a lot, I'd take them into town to museums or music events etc. They knew they could rely on both of us and we still do loads 1:1 with both of them.

I had a SAHM too and while of course I respect her choice and appreciate what she did, it was hard to never have any spare money. I couldn't do ballet classes, we never went on holiday, we didn't go out to eat... these were the choices my mother thought were worth it but I'm not sure they were for me - not that I'd get a vote in my parents' choices! I wanted different for my kids.

When my parents divorced when I was a teenager it was a financial mess for my mother. My dad is lovely and paid maintenance and the mortgage and gave her half his pension and paid child support and all that, but she still has a vastly different retirement than he has as she didn't work for so long. I didn't want that either.

I actually agree that financial security is important, but it is incorrect to assume that all SAHPs aren’t financially secure in their own right, or that they couldn’t easily be again. My own mother was a SAHM until I was 18 (had much younger siblings) and genuinely did not struggle to walk back into a completely different career. There is a lot of unfounded fear mongering about the ability of SAHPs to talk their way back into the workplace as and when it suits them and their children.

Outsourcing everything we could was one of our better decisions - freed up loads of time- to spend with the DC’s.
Id rather spent time with them than cleaning, changing the beds, laundry, ironing, organising shopping, gardening, house maintenance etc.

I agree and would actually do the same if working FT, but you can see how that is frustrating to a woman at home who does all of that herself whilst caring for her children to hear that you do exactly the same when you have so much more help. Some may like that help who do work but could only dream of affording it.

2 long days. So 24hrs a week. It was more than enough for me🙈

Plenty on here constantly gaslight SAHMs with ‘no choice is made in a vacuum’

But that is true though. Societal expectations around gender roles do influence our choices. You said yourself that you believe it is your husband's job to provide for you financially. That is something that is absolutely influenced but how society has traditionally seen the role of men and women.
That's a fact, not gaslighting.

We need to move away from accepting ‘man big job’ - they usually do little practical parenting, are useless around the home and never available to do the school run or be at home if one of their DC’s needs to be off school sick.

What’s frustrating about outsourcing the boring jobs in order to spend more time with your DC’s?

You see, my money would still be on you being the better SAHP, with Dad a close second. You are their Mum, the absolute perfect Mum for your unique children. You are beautifully matched and everything they could ever need. They would choose you over anyone. It’s a beautiful bond, the most sincerely genuine. Hope on some level you know that. I hope people around you have told you that you are a good mother. 💐

It saddens me greatly that modern society has tried to drive such a wedge and separation between mothers and babies. It is unsurprising many mothers lack confidence and support and now assume that anyone can do a better job than them, from a paid Nursery worker to their DH, all in the name of being ‘empowered’. There used to be far more support and encouragement for mothers. I’d back you.

Look, you’re doing things your way, but remember- if you ever change your mind and want to scale back, spend more time with your DCs, etc don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than for doing just that. That can be hard for anyone who strongly identifies with work due to constant drilling by modern schools, universities, the workplace and the mass media about the importance of career, career, career. Any time you spend with your own children has immeasurable worth to both them and you.

Frustrating for some to hear (either at home or who work) who can’t afford it? I have friends who work FT who now can no longer afford their cleaner as their mortgage has gone up so much. Congrats on being able to afford all that help.

This is such a patronising post.

I would be a terrible SAHP. I don't think that because I lack in confidence. Far from it, I know I'm a good mum and I'm a better mum because I work. That is what works for me and my family.
My DH is an equally good parent, not a close second.

But if Mum is good at those tasks and wants to do them, Dad isn’t but provides and that suits them both then it’s a private matter. I’m very organised and love all the multi tasking of my children’s schedules etc. I find it easy to think ahead and anticipate what everybody needs. It suits me.

What I certainly would not do is do everything I do for my home and children and work FT. No way. Why any woman puts up with that really is beyond me. She needs to resign immediately and tell her DH to push for promotion or a second job and pull his socks up.

If a breast feeding baby was stranded on a desert island with you both, they’d pick you not Dad. Sorry but Dad can only ever be a close second, especially during the early years. They become much more crucially important later on. Oh any how many children call ‘Mum, Mum?’ even when Dad is there? Very proud to be their number 1, always 🥰

We decided to use formula - one reason being that we could both enjoy feeding. DH is a doctor and was always better at anything child related when they were tiny. Something to do with his job?

Full time officially but I’d accrued loads of annual leave so booked off Fridays for the first few months and my partner booked off Mondays so my little boy started nursery doing Tuesdays-Thursdays. This would have only lasted a few months but I was expecting our second child by the time I went back so ended up finishing on maternity leave again six months later!

There’s no formula on a desert island 😂 another modern invention to fool women into thinking they are identical to men. They’re not.

I value biblical expectations far more than those of this modern society, that’s for sure!

Or to keep babies alive...
DS had a severe lactose intolerance which meant he needed special formula.

And thankfully we don't live on a desert island so that's a daft analogy.

And what relevance is a desert island - DH was a very active parent. He would have hated to be anything else. He did an equal share of night feedings, nursery and school drop offs, shopped for their clothes, knew about the friends and likes and dislikes etc.

28 hours across 4 days. I’m planning to stay like this until I retire.

We don't live a on desert island.
If mum's do most of the caring then of course they will go to mum first.

You know the bible is made up yeah? And written by men projecting their own expectations of women.

Sorry that you think so poorly of your DC’s relationship with your DH.