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To be fed up of mums groups or is it just Londoners ?

116 replies

AleaEim · 24/07/2025 13:36

Today I went to a mum and baby Pilates group, I’ve been a few times over the past few months so I’m not a regular to this one. I usually chat to other mums there but most weeks it’s a lot of different faces. Today was one of those days where there was more unfamiliar faces than familiar. Before we went in, I said hey, how’ve you been to a woman who I spoke to last time. She replied half heartedly and turned away from me to talk to someone else and didn’t ask me how was I was. I figured I might have accidentally interrupted a conversion or she didn’t recognise me so brushed it off. in fairness she chatted to me briefly and asked me how I was later on in the class so no hurt feelings there. Then on the way out, I said goodbye to a couple mums standing by the door, I hadn’t been talking to them but thought I’d seem rude not to say goodbye since they were at the door, they all looked up and not one uttered a smile or a goodbye. As I was opening the door, I noticed another mum was about to follow behind me, she had a pram, I had a sling so it was easy for me to hold the door for her, as I did this, she didn’t utter a word to me, I looked around to see if she had even smiled but no, nothing, she looked a bit awkward, avoided eye contact.

I’m new to the area and really hoped that going to lots of groups I would at least meet one or two mums who I could chat with, sometimes I do, it’s not all bad but most of the time they seem disinterested in going to the effort with others. I really had envisioned a sociable and colourful maternity leave as I’m quite social and that’s what my friends have experienced(albeit in Ireland where I’m from so not here).

I’m not sure what I’m expecting from this thread, just a vent really. Anyone else have this kind of experience?

OP posts:
R0ckandHardPlace · 24/07/2025 13:38

That’s London for you. They’re like a different species!

Ratisshortforratthew · 24/07/2025 13:45

I don’t think this is a London-specific issue as I don’t find people like this - I live there and my current area has a really friendly sense of community, everyone chats to each other. It sounds like these particular people were rude though. Maybe try some more/different groups?

AleaEim · 24/07/2025 14:29

Yeah this was pretty intense, it was in one of those areas that’s ’up and coming’ so 2 million for a flat in a disadvantaged area type of lifestyle. I think they seemed stuck up tbh.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Allswellandgood · 24/07/2025 14:33

That's too bad that you had that experience I can imagine how deflating that must have felt.
I would try a different group, there are friendly people even in a very large city but it sounds like you just happened on a group that was self-centered/ self-absorbed.

IleftmybaginNewportPagnell · 24/07/2025 14:39

Don’t dwell on it, try another group. Easy for me to say, but (many years ago) I moved to an “up-and-coming” area south of London (I’m from east London) and was put off even venturing to the local NCT group as the woman running it (who lived in the same road) had a double-barrelled surname. I felt I wouldn’t fit in. More fool me, I met the same woman years later, not realising, and of course she’s lovely! I also made an awful faux pas at a toddler music group where I spoke to what I thought was a young mum as the child had her eyes - “I’m the nanny” oops! Good luck, relax and enjoy your baby and maternity leave.

Meadowfinch · 24/07/2025 14:39

R0ckandHardPlace · 24/07/2025 13:38

That’s London for you. They’re like a different species!

This. Have you considered raising your children elsewhere? Much more friendly somewhere rural.

AleaEim · 24/07/2025 14:39

i don’t live there but the other town over.

OP posts:
AleaEim · 24/07/2025 14:51

Meadowfinch · 24/07/2025 14:39

This. Have you considered raising your children elsewhere? Much more friendly somewhere rural.

I’ve always lived in a city and worry I’d feel even more isolated if I moved to somewhere rural,

OP posts:
Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 14:53

I had both mine in London

and bloody loved it. Never encountered this

Mind you…I haven’t encountered any of the other mumsnet dramas such as “school cliques” etc.

NotrialNodeal · 24/07/2025 14:54

Welcome to London OP 🤗

Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 14:54

You’ve been multiple times
What’s it been like other times?

the examples you just strike me as people engaged in a conversation and you expecting them to stop and engage with you.

Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 14:56

Is this the only baby group you have attended?

if not, have you walked away with the same impression that attendees are unfriendly?

Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 14:58

AleaEim · 24/07/2025 14:29

Yeah this was pretty intense, it was in one of those areas that’s ’up and coming’ so 2 million for a flat in a disadvantaged area type of lifestyle. I think they seemed stuck up tbh.

and there we have it

“stuck up” simply because in one class a few attendees carried on with the ongoing chat rather than fall over themselves to bid you farewell

the very fact this is what you’ve concluded and judged so quickly, speaks volumes about you

DalstonsRhubarb · 24/07/2025 14:58

R0ckandHardPlace · 24/07/2025 13:38

That’s London for you. They’re like a different species!

Yes, all nine million of us 🙄

Holdonforsummer · 24/07/2025 14:59

I brought my two up in London and never experienced this. Could it be the Pilates element? Try something a bit more fun and chatty!

DalstonsRhubarb · 24/07/2025 14:59

AleaEim · 24/07/2025 14:39

i don’t live there but the other town over.

The other town over from London?

AleaEim · 24/07/2025 15:01

Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 14:54

You’ve been multiple times
What’s it been like other times?

the examples you just strike me as people engaged in a conversation and you expecting them to stop and engage with you.

I thought it was common courtesy to say thanks to someone holding a door for you, she wasn’t engaged in a conversation.

OP posts:
Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 15:03

AleaEim · 24/07/2025 15:01

I thought it was common courtesy to say thanks to someone holding a door for you, she wasn’t engaged in a conversation.

Of course it is!

but on the basis of one off… perhaps rushing, stressed, tired… who knows

but that happens all over the world and is patently bugger all to do with being in London

LipstickLessons · 24/07/2025 15:03

Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 14:58

and there we have it

“stuck up” simply because in one class a few attendees carried on with the ongoing chat rather than fall over themselves to bid you farewell

the very fact this is what you’ve concluded and judged so quickly, speaks volumes about you

I think it might just be a culture clash. In Ireland we say hi when we meet someone out walking, we say bye in a situation the OP described. Even if you are chatting to someone you take the 2 seconds to smile and acknowledge people.

AleaEim · 24/07/2025 15:03

DalstonsRhubarb · 24/07/2025 14:59

The other town over from London?

Sorry no, I meant it wasn’t my usual neighbourhood.

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 24/07/2025 15:03

I don't recognise this dynamic from anything I've done during my mat leave or since (all in London). Ive found people will at least acknowledge, and most will happily chat. I've mostly done free stuff, though.

Mulledjuice · 24/07/2025 15:03

I don't recognise this dynamic from anything I've done during my mat leave. Ive found people will at least acknowledge, and most will happily chat. I've mostly done free stuff, though.

Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 15:04

Did you make London friends before having a baby?

R0ckandHardPlace · 24/07/2025 15:09

DalstonsRhubarb · 24/07/2025 14:58

Yes, all nine million of us 🙄

I’m sure that there are friendly Londoners, but on the whole you don’t tend to get people striking up conversations with you on the tube or while waiting in a queue. I spend a lot of time in London and I can’t remember anyone randomly talking to me ever. Where I’m from it happens multiple times a day.

RantzNotBantz · 24/07/2025 15:10

It’s not London and it’s not baby groups.

It’s bad luck of one kind or another. Encountering a group where people already know each other / a woman deep in PND / a group that happens to be less friendly or whatever. It can happen anywhere.

Keep at it OP and I hope you find kindred spirits soon.