To be fed up of mums groups or is it just Londoners ?

[AleaEim]

Today I went to a mum and baby Pilates group, I’ve been a few times over the past few months so I’m not a regular to this one. I usually chat to other mums there but most weeks it’s a lot of different faces. Today was one of those days where there was more unfamiliar faces than familiar. Before we went in, I said hey, how’ve you been to a woman who I spoke to last time. She replied half heartedly and turned away from me to talk to someone else and didn’t ask me how was I was. I figured I might have accidentally interrupted a conversion or she didn’t recognise me so brushed it off. in fairness she chatted to me briefly and asked me how I was later on in the class so no hurt feelings there. Then on the way out, I said goodbye to a couple mums standing by the door, I hadn’t been talking to them but thought I’d seem rude not to say goodbye since they were at the door, they all looked up and not one uttered a smile or a goodbye. As I was opening the door, I noticed another mum was about to follow behind me, she had a pram, I had a sling so it was easy for me to hold the door for her, as I did this, she didn’t utter a word to me, I looked around to see if she had even smiled but no, nothing, she looked a bit awkward, avoided eye contact.

I’m new to the area and really hoped that going to lots of groups I would at least meet one or two mums who I could chat with, sometimes I do, it’s not all bad but most of the time they seem disinterested in going to the effort with others. I really had envisioned a sociable and colourful maternity leave as I’m quite social and that’s what my friends have experienced(albeit in Ireland where I’m from so not here).

I’m not sure what I’m expecting from this thread, just a vent really. Anyone else have this kind of experience?

I had my baby in London and made lots of friends, but only about 5% of those I met at baby groups did I swap numbers of keep in touch with. I had my own friends with babies and young kids and antenatal classes and family too - I think a lot of mums go to classes etc with mums they're already friends with. Like I did hartbeeps with two that I knew already, so generally spoke to them when I saw them there - I was never trying to offend anyone else by saying hi and chatting. Mainly to my friends.

I would go to children's centre stay and plays to try and meet other mums or any courses where people sign up to a few weeks rather than drop in randomly

The mum who didn't say thank you could have been for hundreds of reasons maybe exhausted or stressed or suffering post separation abuse (that was me, although I probably looked like a confident stuck up mum)

I’d keep going, it can be a timing thing sometimes. Keep turning up, keep being friendly it’ll work out.

Same 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I’m also struggling to think of an area of SE London where flats sell for £1m. ExDP bought a flat in Dulwich for a fraction of that, albeit a couple of years ago now. Hmm… maybe OP means London Bridge? Although that’s hardly up and coming.

😂😂 were you two at the Pilates group today?

Do the flat prices matter really. It’s not the point. But Dulwich prices can be that or more 🤷‍♀️

Anyway OP there might be other groups worth joining? Go to different ones regularly until you might click with someone.

I disagree completely. It might be that class or just an off day but that's not my experience of London at all.

I’m not sure you can call Dulwich up and coming 🤣.

Peckham? Though flats here don’t go for £1 million.

I thought op was in the up and coming area and the class was in the nicer area. anyway, not the point of the post.

London as a whole is quite open and friendly, I find, perhaps because so many people are newcomers and "transient" and so don't already have a network of people they've known from primary school.

But there are some affluent parts of London which are essentially like large pockets or dormitories and where everyone seems to have a certain way of life or way of doing things, and often a certain look. I have a friend who lives in one of these areas and it's fascinating to talk to her about it. The houses all have the same layout (except some are mirror-images), they've just been "personalised" a bit differently. The same types of cars and dogs are popular, the kids all go to the same schools and do the same activities, the same brands of bikes and scooters are in the hallway, you see the same coats, the same kids' wellies etc. Everyone just has a similar vibe. Living there is a bit like living on a giant school campus. I can imagine the baby groups in those areas reflect the demographic, especially the more expensive ones.

Yeah, I’m getting a bit bored of classes anyway. Think I’m better off just enjoying other things like museums, cafes etc.

There’s many children’s centres in my borough but only one of try them do baby groups and it’s on twice a week, that’s it, it’s also not near me so I don’t go much. I have the updated copy for summer 2025 in my inbox and it’s for the whole borough. It’s not as well funded as other parts of London I’ve lived in.

I’ve lived in London all my adult life and much like anywhere else in the UK, found people, on the whole, to be lovely. I’ve never understood the ‘Londoners are really rude’ thing, it’s part of the reason I stayed here and raised my children here, because of the people. Not saying there aren’t any rude dickheads, because there certainly are but that’s not exclusive to London.

Have you encountered unfriendliness in all the other classes you’ve attended?

Have you made any friends from these classes?

Do you have London friends that you made pre baby?

@AleaEim ah well I was replying to where you said they all charge. Is this actually not the case then?

Exactly. I can’t think of a less up and coming area than Dulwich! Even Peckham is a bit past that now (it was described as up and coming when I moved to London in the early 2010s). I’m just curious in which part of SE London flats are selling for £1m in deprived areas, because I thought I knew the area quite well, that’s all. But PP is right, it’s not the point of the thread.