To be fed up of mums groups or is it just Londoners ?

[AleaEim]

Today I went to a mum and baby Pilates group, I’ve been a few times over the past few months so I’m not a regular to this one. I usually chat to other mums there but most weeks it’s a lot of different faces. Today was one of those days where there was more unfamiliar faces than familiar. Before we went in, I said hey, how’ve you been to a woman who I spoke to last time. She replied half heartedly and turned away from me to talk to someone else and didn’t ask me how was I was. I figured I might have accidentally interrupted a conversion or she didn’t recognise me so brushed it off. in fairness she chatted to me briefly and asked me how I was later on in the class so no hurt feelings there. Then on the way out, I said goodbye to a couple mums standing by the door, I hadn’t been talking to them but thought I’d seem rude not to say goodbye since they were at the door, they all looked up and not one uttered a smile or a goodbye. As I was opening the door, I noticed another mum was about to follow behind me, she had a pram, I had a sling so it was easy for me to hold the door for her, as I did this, she didn’t utter a word to me, I looked around to see if she had even smiled but no, nothing, she looked a bit awkward, avoided eye contact.

I’m new to the area and really hoped that going to lots of groups I would at least meet one or two mums who I could chat with, sometimes I do, it’s not all bad but most of the time they seem disinterested in going to the effort with others. I really had envisioned a sociable and colourful maternity leave as I’m quite social and that’s what my friends have experienced(albeit in Ireland where I’m from so not here).

I’m not sure what I’m expecting from this thread, just a vent really. Anyone else have this kind of experience?

There was a thread recently where a mum was saying she went to a play-park and was chatting to mums she felt had the 'same vibe' as her, which made me feel a bit sad. I remember chatting to a mum at a baby group and she was very quick to say she was going back to work soon so didn't want to swap numbers or meet up! It seems some women/mums might only want to bother being friendly if it's going to be a long-term friendship thing which seems a bit daft and actually short-sighted as you might not meet people outside your normal vibe! Why not be friendly with everyone! I hope you find some lovely mums to be mates with soon - try all the local activities and library rhyme times and swimming clubs. Good luck!

Most of them had accents and the British ones probably weren’t from London no.

A group of people who didn’t know you and had never spoken to you didn’t say goodbye and one person didn’t think you. It’s hardly a summary of all mums or all Londoners.

DH and his family are Londoners, I can’t get a word in edge-ways, so maybe you’ve just been unlucky, OP

Oh, it’s not Parson Green. Fair enough. I can’t think of an up and coming area in London where flats are £2m? That sounds more like prime central London?

So why are you blaming Londoners for this situation, then?

Head into town and take advantage of the gazillion free museums and galleries at your disposal. Lots have activities in as well.

There are children centres where I live but thankfully those days are past for me, we go to the Pub with our eldest now!

Come up North love. People actually communicate.

What is a 'Londoner' anyway? Two thousand years of incomers from the whole of the rest of the British Isles, plus huge numbers from Europe and anywhere else you can think of. Not to mention all the people who just happen to only live there for work and don't consider themselves Londoners at all.

@Ddakji she must leave near all the museums and galleries to be in an area where flats cost £2million. Though the '£2 million to live in a flat in a deprived area' maybe doesn't fit with that... But does fit with the London bashing intention of the thread!

I think two million was maybe a joke.. I think OP maybe meant an area that has been rapidly gentrified.

Hackney? Pimlico? I honestly can’t think!?!

For some reason MN deleted the post where I bemoaned the fact that this is just another in the usual string of 'London is awful and over priced' and 'I'm leaving the UK because it's gone to the dogs' threads which are prolific at the moment - but this is clearly what's going on!

I had no idea before I had a baby! And I only found out because a neighbour had a baby the year before me. I'd lived here for 10 years before that and London for 15.

@AleaEim children's centres, one'o clock clubs, churches, libraries all run free or low-cost sessions. I found most paid classes offered a free trial so you can check the vibe.

If you're in an area where everyone has a house and garden I think it's trickier to meet people but where I am everyone needs to spend time out of the house so the Playgrounds are chocka

I had mine in London. I found some of the classes mighty unfriendly . Very cliquey. I made most pals through nursery tbh. People far more friendly at pick off and drop off. Playgroups are better when they are a bit older.

Baby cinema was my all time favourite. Picturehouse if there's one near you.

I think wherever you live, you have to try a few different groups until you find one you like. I don't live in London but found some groups really unfriendly and definitely at the school gates there are some rude people. You just keep going until you find the nicer ones. It won't happen instantly.

Take your DC to V&A Child, lovely soft play area open all day every day for under 2s, is free and I found other parents very chilled and friendly. Classes (even the couple they do) can be a bit in and out

Overwise the library ones are best

I do know this, but there’s hardly any in the borough I’m in, children’s centres charge here.

I meant 1million, typo. It’s SE london.

Croydon?

A million for a flat in SE London? I’m really struggling to picture where this could be. Dulwich can be expensive as SE London goes but even that’s not £1m for a flat

I think sometimes in London (maybe other places too!) people make friends at NCT and then go to groups with their established friends rather than making new friends at groups,
Take it on the chin - might have a better experience next time 😊

I'm not in London but my baby groups aren't like this. The first couple of playgroups I went to my baby was very young, a few weeks old maybe, I did feel awkward and out of place and no one spoke to me, if I spoke to them they were pretty short with me. I tried other groups and now I have made a few friends and love my baby groups now. I think try other groups and don't give up, I'd have gotten really depressed I think if I didn't find these groups that I enjoy. You still get some antisocial people but you soon discover who else wants to make friends and who doesn't

@AleaEim well I've just found links to all the LA run children's centres in each SE London borough which all have timetables which show weekly, if not daily free baby, toddler and family sessions, so I'm not sure what you mean that there aren't many in your borough and that they all charge? I can't upload the links here as MN isn't letting me, but a quick Google of Bexley/Bromley/Southwark/Lewisham/Greenwich children's centres/family hubs will show you all of them. Each borough has about 5.

I'm not so much doing this for you, as it's pretty clear to me from all your 'mistakes' that you don't really live in London, but in case others who really are struggling to find free, helpful baby groups stumble on this thread!