Dd ruined graduation

[DrudgeyPants]

I didn’t put this in aibu because I’m feeling too miserable to get a bashing, but perhaps I am bu.

Dd’s graduation yesterday. It was 3 hours away so we stayed in a nice hotel for a treat. On the morning dd received a job rejection, and that was it. She descended into a foul mood.

The day was an abject failure. After the ceremony dd snapped that she was off to return her gown. “But the photos….” we said weakly and dd replied sarcastically that there would be no photos.

Everyone else was being jolly but not us. We stood around for a bit, me feeling like an idiot trussed up in a new dress. Dh and I were hissing at each other not to lose it as we were both feeling a bit teary. We were supposed to be going out for a nice meal, but dd said she wasn’t bothered so we drove home. And that was it.

Today dh has gone into work; I had taken another day off but I’m just doing the washing and cleaning. Dd has gone out.

I wasn’t building this graduation up (I have been to others!) but for dd to spoil it so thoroughly for both her and us mugs has left me feeling very down.

I graduated before SM was a thing. I wasn't especially fussed about the photos. One parent died over a year later. The other died this year. Those, and other photos, mean a lot more to me now than they did then. Some people are completely devoid of sentiment. Some people are very sentimental. There is also much in between. All these things are fine. Lots of people enjoy watching their children graduate. It's hardly weird or unusual to do that and to want to enjoy the day.

Urgh this thread! Honestly I think OP could have posted about her daughter going around murdering people and some silly posters would have STILL found a way to chastise Op and exonerate the daughter.

PLESE let’s stop blaming women for others people behaviour

She was singled out for an academic prize which she accepted in bad grace (face like he’d handed her dog poo) everyone there saw that.

Wow had missed this bit - she is very dysregulated to be unable to slap on a smile for a moment. Also not catching up with her friends - very odd.

Probably behaved similarly badly towards their luckless parents back in the day and don’t like being confronted by/sitting with the knowledge of the upset their sulking and tantrums must have caused.

Op has said she doesn’t do social media so wasn’t after a photo for that.
My graduation photo has coincidentally popped up from nearly 30 yrs ago today.
I’m smiling. I actually wasn’t in greatest place as I’d missed degree classification I wanted by 0.5% in one subject and was upset about that and was worried about lack of graduate job.
First in my family to graduate. Nice pic of me and my dad (he died a few years later) with him looking so very proud.
I had one official photo, my grandma who left school at 12 to work in a laundry was over the moon with it and took it to show all her friends.
My mum had bought me a Next suit to wear, I also wore it at interviews. We didn’t go for a meal.
I wouldn’t have dreamed of behaving rudely to my parents who had been supportive.
I doubt Op will be back. Hopefully her dd has apologised and they can put it behind them and go for a nice meal to celebrate.

Yes. Glad I’ve done mine with kids and grandchildren now. Tedious things. 🙄

She isn’t the only one. Not everyone enjoys or sees the point in ‘rituals’ ‘ceremonies’. The fact they dint doesn’t make them wrong.

Both my dcs are like this.
dc1 graduated this year. He went but wasn’t keen. Yes he was smiling in the photos. He was happy to see a couple of people there. That was it. Still didn’t see the point or has any kind of interest in doing it again.
He us doing a master and doesn’t really want to do it again.

dc2 will graduate in two years. Same reaction. ‘What’s the point? It won’t change my grades or my ability to get a job’ is his answer.

It’s not compulsory though @MoveOverToTheSea. If your dc2 isn’t bothered then free up the tickets for someone who is, they usually limit to 2 then offer extras later if spares.

Graduation can be lovely. It’s a rite of passage. It’s quite nice for family and friends to see the graduates all dressed up and in their academic gowns. It is also an opportunity for lecturers/tutors to say goodbye to their students and wish them well.

It is also an opportunity for lecturers/tutors to say goodbye to their students and wish them well.

DD said she didn't see any of her lecturers at her graduation.

Edgy? Whatever that means. It was just boring.

Whatever. Why did you go then? It’s not compulsory if it’s not your thing.

Its literally the daughter's day, period. She can do whatever she wants. She didn't even have to invite her parents to her graduation at all if she didn't want to.

They are hours long, with boring speeches no one wants to listen to. 1/2 the time you're sitting in the hit sun, in a black cap and gown, and you don't even get your real diploma, it's mailed to you!

@TheCheekyCyanHelper Not according to the Unibersity of Sheffield! Who has contributed to the student finances during the degree? Helped out when asked? As Sheffield acknowledge, all those who have supported the student. It’s their day too.

Why would you be in the hot sun? What diploma? Are you referencing something other than U.K. degree graduations, which is what this thread is about?
I enjoyed the speech at my own graduation - I can still remember bits of it (I’m 60). DD’s was also not boring.

@cardibach Grayson Perry made the speech at DD2’s. Memorable outfit too!

Southampton uni as well, who mentioned the support of parents

Good thing I only achieved CSE’s back in 1983 😆🎓only a select few went to university! I wouldve been so awkward and shy walking across a stage. My sister did though, she was the eldest in her group of 18 year olds, one mid 20s and she was late 40s.

Of course they do.
Because they have parents in front if them who might feel they’ve done a lot. So they’ll love when their huge help is been highlighted.

Must be hard for all the students who didn’t get any specific help from their parents. Whether it’s because they couldn’t help financially, didn’t want to, have not so good relationship with said parents etc….

Graduation should be about the student. The work they’ve put in etc…
Not about the parents.
Nor, for that matter , should it be about how much the students have grown/mature through stuff not really related to Uni. How many friends they’ve made, which are always for life etc….

I loved DCs day - we all celebrated (all three of us). DC went out early to meet group of his student friends, help out at venue, and collect gown and for for drinks and food with friends. Me and DH made a day of it and went for a champagne brekkie, went to ceremony and then we all went for drinks and meal afterwards. I wasn’t bored for one minute, just absolutely buzzing.

As a parent OP was feeling so proud and is upset it didn’t go how it expected. I understand that. I do think the daughter needs a chat though - if only so she knows she needs to learn how cope better with disappointment in life. I don’t think Covid helped, I’ve noticed a lot (not all) of the generation aged about 20-25 seem to struggle with coping mechanisms. Less resilient at work. A lot of patience and hand holding is needed. It’s either anxiety or the alternate is sulky behaviour. The former is met with a lot more understanding than the latter.

changing the subject…

i really enjoyed seeing all the different names on the screens (apparently the students had been told it might be a good idea to write their names phonetically)

the lady speaker was incredibly inspiring

the reactions from the parents seeing their children on stage was, in some cases, awesome…the ululation was just amazing…one lady doing that got a round of applause and one family kept yelling yes, yes, yes which was just great

What the hell is going on with this thread? 😂

Have no idea why people are attacking OP, it's like they are responding to an entirely different thread. It genuinely makes me worry for society that people are so venemous and reading comprehension so low.

I'm nearly 60 and remember mine too. We were lucky to have Bishop Desmond Tutu give it and it was thought-provoking.

Sounds amazing @Mothership4two . I had Jonathan Porritt and Richard Attenborough. I thought it was pretty cool.