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Original poster

Need to take my own food to a wedding-WWYD?

104 replies

TheVeronicas · 23/07/2025 00:22

I am a last minute plus one.
I don't eat meat or dairy (not really the issue however).
It's a buffet.
Since I was about 6 or 7 years old I have really hated eating in front of people (largely due to being a fat child but that's by the by).
So;
Likely very little on this buffet I can eat.
I probably will not feel able to go UP to the buffet as they're my nemesis, maybe later on when nothing's left and most people haev had enough to drink but... they make me incredibly anxious

So I am going to take a large-enough handbag and find somewhere to sneak off to. I am plus one for the Maid of Honour so I am there from morning until whenever stupid o' clock time she can escape!

I have thought to cook some vegetarian 'sausage' rolls and put them in a sandwich bag?
Crisps
Flapjacks
Any tricks I am missing?
In fairness, MOH is my new partner of 6 ish weeks and she knows about my afflictions and has said she'll go up to the buffet for me but this doesn't solve the issue of probably not being anything much I will eat.
She'll be busy on the morning so will be leaving me (staying the night before) with her family-if I were going alone I would have just eaten a hearty breakfast/brunch and likely not had much of a problem but not an option unfortunaly!

OP posts:
Lanternsarenice · 23/07/2025 00:40

I'd put a roll with peanut butter in my handbag. I quite often do as I'm gluten free.

Delphiniumandlupins · 23/07/2025 00:49

Do you mean you are staying the night before the wedding with MoH's family or in a hotel? If it's a hotel you should be able to get breakfast (and can let them know your dietary requirements when you check in). If you're staying in their family home could you either take with you whatever you usually eat for breakfast or go out to a local cafe for something to eat - depending on the wedding time.

I would expect a buffet to include some veggie options and probably vegan. Do you eat salads, veg, fruit? If the MoH collects a plate for you that sounds like a good option but, of course, she'll have bridal party duties too. There's usually a gap between ceremony and meal when lots of photos are taken so that might be a good time to sneak off for food if you absolutely have to. I might take stuff like cereal bars, which won't go off, rather than sausage rolls. Crisps may be on the buffet or the venue will sell if they have a bar.

Noshadelamp · 23/07/2025 01:06

You mentioned you would have had a more hearty breakfast/brunch, I don't understand why you can't still do this? If it is a matter of food availability, ould you eat your own food at breakfast/brunch so that you don't need to sneak off anywhere to eat for the main event?

Is this something they impacts you regularly op? Have you had a diagnosis or any professional support? You sound like you've been struggling for a long time with this 💐

Edited to mention that I'm vegetarian and have a lot of food intolerances which causes food anxiety.so also struggle with buffets, I always end up eating a lot of white bread, easy on my digestion!

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Weddings
DiscoBeat · 23/07/2025 01:09

Surely there will be various salads and an actual vegetarian option?

Octavia64 · 23/07/2025 04:37

Protein will keep you going longer.

I like the little quorn cocktail sausages you can buy. Sainsbury’s also do a good Spanish omelette with potato which is very filling and can be eaten cold. Pre cut it up and wrap in foil.

amylou8 · 23/07/2025 05:22

You could always lie and say you have some horrendous allergy so can only eat food you've prepared yourself. Then pull out the Tupperware.

Spies · 23/07/2025 05:38

Firstly how lovely of the bride to include you after just 6 weeks.

Like others I don't understand why you can't still have a hearty breakfast?. You're surely not getting ready with the bridal party so that leaves you.ample time to eat beforehand? If not then the idea of your partner getting you a plate should be more than enough.

autienotnaughty · 23/07/2025 05:53

I often take snacks as I don’t like I lot of foods. - crisps, cereal bars, sandwich or crackers. Basically have a decent breakfast take a little pack up for late lunch/tea then if you can eat anything of the buffet it’s a bonus.
personally I prefer to be first up to a buffet, can’t stand the thought of eating food everyone else has stroked.

CurlewKate · 23/07/2025 06:19

Why are you assuming there
will be nothing you can eat? It’s very unusual for there to be no vegetarian options. And your partner says she will go up for you.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 23/07/2025 08:26

Octavia64 · 23/07/2025 04:37

Protein will keep you going longer.

I like the little quorn cocktail sausages you can buy. Sainsbury’s also do a good Spanish omelette with potato which is very filling and can be eaten cold. Pre cut it up and wrap in foil.

If the OP is actually vegan, neither of those options are viable.
But that doesn't sound as if that's the problem at all. OP doesn't like eating in social situations; it's not a question of not being able to find something to eat, rather the taking and eating of it in front of people.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 23/07/2025 09:12

Lanternsarenice · 23/07/2025 00:40

I'd put a roll with peanut butter in my handbag. I quite often do as I'm gluten free.

Allergies?

Original poster
TheVeronicas · 23/07/2025 09:58

Delphiniumandlupins · 23/07/2025 00:49

Do you mean you are staying the night before the wedding with MoH's family or in a hotel? If it's a hotel you should be able to get breakfast (and can let them know your dietary requirements when you check in). If you're staying in their family home could you either take with you whatever you usually eat for breakfast or go out to a local cafe for something to eat - depending on the wedding time.

I would expect a buffet to include some veggie options and probably vegan. Do you eat salads, veg, fruit? If the MoH collects a plate for you that sounds like a good option but, of course, she'll have bridal party duties too. There's usually a gap between ceremony and meal when lots of photos are taken so that might be a good time to sneak off for food if you absolutely have to. I might take stuff like cereal bars, which won't go off, rather than sausage rolls. Crisps may be on the buffet or the venue will sell if they have a bar.

Thank you for all of your responses, sorry I didn't reply sooner!
We (me, new DP and all family are all staying in a cottage together near the venue.

Yes, I don't want to be a nuisance and I know she'll be busy with her duties although she's brilliant and I know she'll try to prioritise me, I don't want to cause her more stress or give her another job to do if I can help it. I can find somewhere to sneak off to-good point about that some things may spoil a little!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheVeronicas · 23/07/2025 10:03

Noshadelamp · 23/07/2025 01:06

You mentioned you would have had a more hearty breakfast/brunch, I don't understand why you can't still do this? If it is a matter of food availability, ould you eat your own food at breakfast/brunch so that you don't need to sneak off anywhere to eat for the main event?

Is this something they impacts you regularly op? Have you had a diagnosis or any professional support? You sound like you've been struggling for a long time with this 💐

Edited to mention that I'm vegetarian and have a lot of food intolerances which causes food anxiety.so also struggle with buffets, I always end up eating a lot of white bread, easy on my digestion!

Edited

I think because we're staying in a cottage and MOH (my new girlfriend) will be going off in the morning with the bride, so I am just not sure what is happening there-I can't rely on being able to get a lot of food early on.

I have mainly dealt with it myself to be honest, and I am much, much better. I can now go out for dinner without much ado-I am a little self-conscious that's all which is a HUGE step up from avoiding it altogether. It's just buffets I am so afraid of for some reason, I think the whole getting up to walk to them, chatting to people in a queue with a plate-I know I sound ridiculous here. I've indeed had this afflication in some form since I was about 7 years old when I moved schools, was bullied and comfort ate until I was obese. I have combatted it and am slim now.

I also had that thought about stuffing myself with bread! While wearing a slinky frock-hm, may end up looking like a snake that swallowed a rat. Thank you for the support Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
TheVeronicas · 23/07/2025 10:06

DiscoBeat · 23/07/2025 01:09

Surely there will be various salads and an actual vegetarian option?

I am just not sure, and being a new addition both to the party AND to the family I don't want to be 'that person', I want to make a good impression. Despite not being together long at all we have known one another/been flirtatious for a while and I am feeling very good about this relationship already. I don't want to be asking questions like that and causing stress to the bride.

I think I am going to hope there is an option, but take some bits with me, try to snack before going etc just in case. I don't want to end up on the floor with my knickers in the air after one glass of champagne due to lack of food/just salad either! ( I am joking but I am sure you know what I mean)!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheVeronicas · 23/07/2025 10:08

Spies · 23/07/2025 05:38

Firstly how lovely of the bride to include you after just 6 weeks.

Like others I don't understand why you can't still have a hearty breakfast?. You're surely not getting ready with the bridal party so that leaves you.ample time to eat beforehand? If not then the idea of your partner getting you a plate should be more than enough.

I know, it is. I told my partner I wanted to meet her and her fiance first, and we spoke and she said she was happy to have me there, apparently his family is huge and there's a lot of people she won't know coming so she doesn't see it as any big deal at all. So nice of her still.

I don't know what family members I am being left with are doing in the morning but it doesn't seem in keeping with being in a cottage getting ready for a wedding that we'd all be going out for breakfast.

You have made a good point though-and I will take some things for breakfast with me, I may not have thought of that. I go to the cottage on Friday night so Thursday is going to be my day of shopping. I will turn up with a hamper full (for others as well as me)!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheVeronicas · 23/07/2025 10:10

CurlewKate · 23/07/2025 06:19

Why are you assuming there
will be nothing you can eat? It’s very unusual for there to be no vegetarian options. And your partner says she will go up for you.

Vegetarian options are often egg/dairy based neither of which I eat. I don't want to be starving and feeling sickly-so I think it is sensible that I take food with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheVeronicas · 23/07/2025 10:11

autienotnaughty · 23/07/2025 05:53

I often take snacks as I don’t like I lot of foods. - crisps, cereal bars, sandwich or crackers. Basically have a decent breakfast take a little pack up for late lunch/tea then if you can eat anything of the buffet it’s a bonus.
personally I prefer to be first up to a buffet, can’t stand the thought of eating food everyone else has stroked.

Yes, that's what I think I will do. I am now facing the challenge of digging out a 'wedding worthy' handbag that's also large enough for a small Tupperware box to put food in, but I think I have one.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 23/07/2025 10:13

I don't think you should go. You seem to be over anxious about the whole event which has become a complicated affair of how you can manage to eat and hide food in your handbag.

Original poster
TheVeronicas · 23/07/2025 10:13

Octavia64 · 23/07/2025 04:37

Protein will keep you going longer.

I like the little quorn cocktail sausages you can buy. Sainsbury’s also do a good Spanish omelette with potato which is very filling and can be eaten cold. Pre cut it up and wrap in foil.

I can take some vegan versions of those sausages in a Tupperware, that isn't a bad idea.

OP posts:
Thingamebobwotsit · 23/07/2025 10:23

I think you have had some lovely suggestions so go and enjoy yourself. What I would say is that if the cottage is self catering don't feel embarrassed about needing a special diet. It happens so take plenty of things you can eat, as well as the suggestion you have made of some lovely things for the family. Make sure you let them know why, and that you are really good at managing it but don't want to put them out. If they are as lovely as they sound they will be fine with it. Don't starve yourself - there is nothing worse than being nervous and hungry. And they will just want to make sure everyone is having a good time.

Go, be yourself and enjoy!

Thingamebobwotsit · 23/07/2025 10:24

Oh and if you really can't face the buffet, why not check in with your girlfriend if she would mind you taking a little cool bag of food for the day? The venue may even be able to cater for you.

Honestly out of all the last minute requests we had at our wedding, this is quite low key and you sound very conscientious and self aware so don't fret it.

Jellyslothbridge · 23/07/2025 10:46

A bag of mixed nuts is compact and good for sustinence.

Cantcomprehend · 23/07/2025 10:48

Definitely do a decent breakfast at the cottage, get set for the day. Make sure you also have something for later if you are staying a 2nd night.
Make a packed lunch with as much buffet equivalent things as you can and ask your girlfriend to bring you a plate when she goes up.
If anyone asks just says I'm dairy free and a recent addition, brought my own to not need alternatives arranged for one person.

I've found people are pretty easy going about it (I take packed lunch to events too gluten free). I don't even think the bride would notice and if your girlfriend is already aware of issues you have surrounding food then she should be supportive.

pontipinemum · 23/07/2025 11:13

Flapjacks etc sound good because they won't go off and shouldn't get too squished in your bag.

Do you eat yoghurt? One of my fav breakfasts right now is a sugar free muesli like this one. Some yoghurt and a banana/ watermelon/ apple. It is something really easy you can make for yourself if the rest of them are doing a fry up which a lot of people do before a wedding.

I am not a vegetarian but there are a lot of things I don't like. I love the thought of a buffet but chances are there would be only one option I'd like and I wouldn't feel ok talking a full portion out of it.

Honeypizza · 23/07/2025 11:13

As others have said, try your best with a decent breakfast. Then I would probably slip a sandwich and some little snacks into my bag if I were in your shoes. Make sure you have enough to see you through, especially if you're drinking alcohol.

Is it worth seeing what your partner brings you back from the buffet, so that you can give it a go? Hopefully there are a few vegan bits. And then if you don't get on with it at least you have back up food.

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