Need to take my own food to a wedding-WWYD?

[TheVeronicas]

I am a last minute plus one.
I don't eat meat or dairy (not really the issue however).
It's a buffet.
Since I was about 6 or 7 years old I have really hated eating in front of people (largely due to being a fat child but that's by the by).
So;
Likely very little on this buffet I can eat.
I probably will not feel able to go UP to the buffet as they're my nemesis, maybe later on when nothing's left and most people haev had enough to drink but... they make me incredibly anxious

So I am going to take a large-enough handbag and find somewhere to sneak off to. I am plus one for the Maid of Honour so I am there from morning until whenever stupid o' clock time she can escape!

I have thought to cook some vegetarian 'sausage' rolls and put them in a sandwich bag?
Crisps
Flapjacks
Any tricks I am missing?
In fairness, MOH is my new partner of 6 ish weeks and she knows about my afflictions and has said she'll go up to the buffet for me but this doesn't solve the issue of probably not being anything much I will eat.
She'll be busy on the morning so will be leaving me (staying the night before) with her family-if I were going alone I would have just eaten a hearty breakfast/brunch and likely not had much of a problem but not an option unfortunaly!

I wouldn't be surprised if my DP has done this for me. It is nice, and It's nice of you all to be understanding for the partner too.

Thank you for the solidarity. Yes, because my diet is restricted with no meat/dairy I have often ordered something to eat and everyone's pointing and staring and asking to try it and 'Ooooh what do you eat, then!?' which I KNOW is just people being nice and showing an interest (at least most of the time) but I feel myself going red and feeling so uneasy while with a mouthful of food and just wanting them all to leave me alone. Or the less polite ones calling me fussy and saying they couldn't ever eat what I eat-all made worse and corroborating their feelings if I sit there with a plate of leaves because there's nothing else!

I am heavily relying on that there won't be anyone whose eyes are all on me! I am however on a table with some aunts etc who've been instructed to take care of me while she does her bridal party duties, much as I do not need babysitting, I haven't met these people and don't know what they're like at all, I am sure they're lovely as DP is close to them but that could go one of two ways couldnt' it-they might just be nice and friendly or they might be making a big fuss of me and demanding I go up and get some food immediately or else! I don't know. I am not going to overthink it, I will try to go with the flow.

Vegan options - no meat or dairy.

Vaguely possible if the Bride is vegan, but otherwise, the OP would be fighting over a few bits of cucumber (and some olives if she's lucky) with the celiac and would only win in a standoff over five wrinkly but unadulterated grapes by brandishing a breadstick at them.

Big bag, stash far more than you need (and if you want to make a friend, make sure some of what you bring is labelled gluten free).

Thank you, this is sort of what I had planned to say if the (see above post by me) happens and people I am sitting with want me to go and eat. Something like 'I have dietary needs and didn't want to put people out, so I have seen to myself today!' Hopefully they'll understand.

Genius and I admire your self-care here!

What do you do with your bag while (for example) in the church etc? Do you dump it somehow/where and go back for it later? I might get away with that, I might not. I am a bit mindful myself that I am wearing a frock and might be cold/uncomfortably-shoed later but with this anxiety that's the subject of this thread, it has taken a back seat!

I'm coeliac and no one minds if you take your own food. Be subtle

This is it exactly, if It's a 'real food' buffet, It's possible there's a vegetarian option and very possible that it won't be something I can have. If it is one of those beige vol-au-vents/sandwiches/sausage rolls buffets I have NO chance!

Thank you so much for everyone's responses and understanding. I almost didn't post this because I am fully aware this is 'a me issue'. I appreciate all of the responses and feel much better equipped now!

I get faint and grumpy if I don’t eat, I take a flapjack, rice crispy cakes, trail mix, a packet of crackers and similar when I’m away and eating arrangements are uncertain (i don’t have dietary restrictions even just can’t cope with skipping meals and don’t like traditional breakfasts on offer) i would suggest offering to bring your own food for the cottage as you are vegan, no need to mention any other reason, it’s a perfectly reasonable offer

Thank you-yes, same. I feel faint and sickly. Sometimes I am fine to go longer periods without food, but more often than not I feel sick quite soon after going without for longer than usual. My Mum is the same. I am slim but not underweight so no idea why as I thought it were normal until others told me that they don't feel that way!

Apples. They transport well, are easy to eat, and will never raise an eyebrow.

I’m vegan and last time we had to do a multiple over night at a wedding I packed a couple of pot noodles with the intention of using the kettle in the room to eat them. I used one the night before the wedding as there was a ‘restaurant’ in the venue- I use this term loosely! And all I could eat was chips and a side salad. I also bought a meal deal from boots on the way and kept it in the room.

For the wedding I put a couple of protein bars in my bag and thought worst comes to it I would eat them on a bathroom trip and have the pot noodle at night but I surprisingly had a lot I could eat.

Thank you-I did this on a work do at xmas!

I knew they had me down for special dietary requirements, but I had a feeling it wouldn't be substantial and I was right-and especially with alcohol and how late the meal would likely arrive. Pot noodle before I went out was a GOOD idea!

Well, that covers the first 95 calories for the day. What's the OP going to do for the other 1905?

I’m fairly brazen about it, carry it in with me, pop it under the pew during the service and then carry it back out. In summer an open straw bag with a wrap on show just looks like I’m being prepared and, to be honest, nobody is ever much interested or even seems to notice. It doesn’t have anything of huge value in so easy to pop to the side if necessary to be out of the way for photos. Security and comfort are my priorities nowadays and it makes for a much kore pleasant experience.

Thank you. I don't think I'll do that to this one, given I don't know anyone and think people will be clocking things I do as a result, they could be checking me and my potential out! For their family member BUT, I will definitely be employing this for future functions!

2 hours from me unfortunately

Yes, I think I really will. I've spoken to her family on video calls, they seem lovely, I am pleased to haev been invited and I get to spend the weekend with my partner, I like weddings, I just envisioned myself not being able to eat and feeling sick and lightheaded and being drunk after one glass of champagne, needed to iron these issues out!

I have worked hard on myself with this food issue. It's deep-rooted. I was a fat child and bullied for it, as a result of being bullied about other things and comfort eating-so I became so afraid of anyone seeing me eat.

On top of that, I had a very angry Father and I remember a lot of force feeding and bellowing over the table at me if I dare not like a food or not eat all of it or drop a bit of food or scrape my fork or any misdemeanor, from being 6 or 7 years old I were terrified of mealtimes.

I know I am safe now and if someone misses their mouth or whatever it isn't the end of the world. I still eat gingerly if not alone, but I can do it. It's just buffets, they're my last hurdle, the act of been seen going up to get food-coupled with the fact that it is likely I can't eat anything-if I were to go up and come back with some leaves or nothing! Everyone going to be wanting to know why (maybe not, but It's happened in other scenarios!)

I've looked on the website for the venue now and it doesn't detail everything but the wedding packages seem to be just formal sit-down ones, so I assume they've employed a caterer. Could be anything so I had to prepare for worst case scenario. I can fit a couple of wraps, and/or cereal bars and snacks inmy handbag and if partner can go up and get me food, if there is anything, great, it not, I am covered. I will cook people breakfast in the morning (unless they don't want me to) and I'll try to fill up-I am not a huge eater anyway, sometimes if I eat enough early on I don't need anything else at all.

I will be okay.

I think a few days before was/is a bit late for this to be honest. I doubt they'll be checking folk's handbags!

I would be reinforcing the vegan=rabbit food doctrine, would look quite weird and invite a lot of comments about it-I'd probably look as if I had an eating disorder or something especially if my prediction is true and she's asked her family to make a fuss of me as she'll be busy.

Buffets are often severely under-catered IMO. The first few people come away with all the nice stuff, leaving everybody else with breadsticks and fizzy coleslaw. The OP would be U not to take a handbag full of vegan sausage rolls!

Well in case anyone is invested in this fascinating scenario-I survived, didn't end up feeling sick and faint and the food scenario went as perfect as it could have!
In the morning I had toast, a substantial sandwich and crisps. Everyone else didn't want anything or was off doing their various preparations, so I just set myself up for the day.

I squished a wrap, two flapjacks, two cereal bars and two small bags of nuts into my handbag and at about 19:00 I sneaked myself to a quiet corner and ate the wrap and a cereal bar without being seen by anyone.

The venue was quite a 'naice' place, and the buffet was 'real food' rather than beige vol-au-vents etc. There were allocated tables for people with plates/cutlery.

But I was outside away from the table when the food was put out-perfect as this avoided a conversation with those I were sitting with about why I wasn't getting up to get food! I stayed outside and the buffet was all gone very quickly-I do agree with the PP who said they often under-cater. The following day partners' family were saying they'd learned that quite a lot of people did not get any food at all and the bride and groom had said something about that they felt not as much food as they paid for was put out!

So I see that I did them a favour by taking my own, that's one fewer person unfed!

That’s a great outcome, good for you and thank you for the update!

I’m sorry your father was so overbearing, that’s awful.

Thank you! It was an absolutely lovely wedding, I am so glad I went.

We have had a very fractured relationship all of my life-I just can't bring myself to feel close to him unfortunately even when he makes the effort-it wasn't just about food with him, he was generally a very angry man and I was terrified of him as a child. He's not even mellowed now to be honest, although his last very bad anger outburst at me was the end of 2021.

I’ve got a “difficult” diet and always arrive prepared. Others have mentioned some really great options and I often find that sometimes there’s something. I can eat and thats a bonus. Preparation is key to reducing your anxiety - have a lovely time.