Need to take my own food to a wedding-WWYD?

[TheVeronicas]

I am a last minute plus one.
I don't eat meat or dairy (not really the issue however).
It's a buffet.
Since I was about 6 or 7 years old I have really hated eating in front of people (largely due to being a fat child but that's by the by).
So;
Likely very little on this buffet I can eat.
I probably will not feel able to go UP to the buffet as they're my nemesis, maybe later on when nothing's left and most people haev had enough to drink but... they make me incredibly anxious

So I am going to take a large-enough handbag and find somewhere to sneak off to. I am plus one for the Maid of Honour so I am there from morning until whenever stupid o' clock time she can escape!

I have thought to cook some vegetarian 'sausage' rolls and put them in a sandwich bag?
Crisps
Flapjacks
Any tricks I am missing?
In fairness, MOH is my new partner of 6 ish weeks and she knows about my afflictions and has said she'll go up to the buffet for me but this doesn't solve the issue of probably not being anything much I will eat.
She'll be busy on the morning so will be leaving me (staying the night before) with her family-if I were going alone I would have just eaten a hearty breakfast/brunch and likely not had much of a problem but not an option unfortunaly!

forgot the picture

I don't know when you last went to a wedding but in my experience these days vegetarian options with dairy and egg are actually fairly rare. Caterers tend to make their non-meat options entirely vegan these days as a catch-all.

Can you cook for and eat with other people? Why don't you suggest that you will bring and cook a hearty breakfast for your partner's family? It will be a good way to ingratiate yourself with them as well as ensuring that you get a decent meal.

I haven't had such an strong form of these feelings, but I recognise them. One issue I've had at similar events is that you can end up drawing attention to yourself even more by not eating than you do by eating. People become worried/astonished/solicitous that you don't have anything and then keep trying to sort you out, which can be even worse.

Having some back up food in your bag sounds sensible, but it might also be a good idea to resolve to do your best to make a one-off trip to the buffet if you can. Maybe if you're with a relative of your DP and they go up, you could say 'Oh, I'll come with you' and just chat with them as you go, so it's more about the conversation than the food. There's often fruit or crudities that you could choose. I think it matters less if you actually eat anything - you could always put a few things on your plate and just not finish them and eat some secret handbag food later. It would show willing, reduce the extent to which you stand out, and maybe help you take a small step towards reducing your anxiety about buffets. These things can be very disabling, and it sounds like you've made good progress in going out to eat generally.

I'm GF and take cooked pizza with me to places, as I'm happy to eat it cold. Cooked, sliced, and wrapped up in tin foil. No idea what vegan pizza is like though, and you'd need to keep it cold if cooked at home rather than on the morning

I think you have some great ideas and hope that reduces the stress. Taking food to the cottage to share with your partner's family is a lovely plan.

perhaps it’s from having worked in hospitality and also in a rather upmarket wedding venue but unless discussed with the wedding party and venue in advance and them not being able to cater to your needs it is frowned upon and extremely rude to bring your own food to a wedding. You need to suck it up for 1 day that isn’t about you. There will be things you can eat and even if it’s not much you aren’t going to starve to death in one day. Take up the offer of help of someone else going to the buffet for you.

Thank you so much for this, I am definitely going to try to 'get over myself' as much as I can!

Didn't you post about this before, @TheVeronicas -- not the food stuff, but feeling very awkward about sharing a holiday cottage with the family of your very new girlfriend, whom you barely knew or hadn't met, and being worried about having to spend time with total strangers because she was being MOH and would be out of the house, leaving you with her family?

I have a feeling I remember saying that it sounded absolutely the reverse of fun, and that I wouldn't go unless I could arrange separate accommodation.

Suggest, in advance, that you will prepare a nice breakfast at the cottage for everyone. Everyone needs a decent breakfast on a wedding day; the food is often very late in proceedings! I'd get eggs, smoked salmon, yummy bread. juice, coffee, (but check w your partner what the family will like) and whatever you will eat.

Then stick a packet of Jaffa Cakes in your bag to tide you over if there is nothing you can eat.

I'm gf, with other intolerance. Id put a stash of gf snack bars in my bag.
You won't starve by missing a meal.

Are you going to get any enjoyment out of this event if it's causing you so much anxiety and fixation on food?

I really wouldn't worry OP. It's good you've told your partner, but don't sneak off to eat. Take some snacks with you and when your partner comes back from the buffet just add them to the plate. I'm sure there will be some buffet food you will be able to eat as well.

With so many food allergies now and restrictive diets for medical reasons no one bats an eyelid. If anyone does say anything and I'm pretty sure they won't just say you have food allergies.

But who is going to know whether the OP has some snacks in her bag? Certainly not the bride or groom. If the OP has her own sandwiches and sausage rolls they will just look like they have come from the buffet anyway. Really it's just a back up option if the buffet is things the OP can't eat.

This is what I would do - hopefully your partner can gather you some crudités and vegan sausages or whatever, then just add your selection to the same plate.

Bit it's less a matter of there being nothing on the buffet she can eat than the fact that she has a buffet phobia, and can't help herself or eat in front of other people, or at least not force herself to until everyone else has already eaten and there's probably not much food left over, and certainly not much vegan food.

And it's not just the wedding buffet, or even the wedding day. She's spending the entire weekend with her very new girlfriend's family in a holiday cottage, so presumably she can't eat freely in front of them either, or cook or prepare a secret stash of food in their presence to hide in her handbag at the wedding. It sounds to me as if she'll be secretly eating pre-bought snacks in her bedroom at the holiday cottage for at least three days, and for someone with very disordered eating, that doesn't sound like a great plan.

Which does (again) bring up the issue that I'm pretty sure the OP posted about on here before, about it being more than a bit mad to be spending a long weekend with the unknown immediate family of a girlfriend she's been seeing for only six weeks, especially when the girlfriend will be absent on MOH duties for much of the time?

If the cottage is near a cafe, then just escape for an hour or so in the morning with a book and get yourself a large fry-up. The family won't mind - they'll probably be glad of it TBH.

Why buy a new handbag either - just take a rucksack and shove it wherever your partner is keeping her stuff! She'll have access to a room or something.

If they have a caterer: speak to the person who is organising the wedding.
It is possible for a caterer to specially plate up, cover and put to one side a vegan option for diary intolerances etc. All you would then need to do is ask for (your name) s reserved plate.
No fighting for food, no risk of cross contamination from others there and you get meat and diary free food.

Check that the venue allows you to sneak in your own food though as the FSA rules are pretty strict for most venues. If so they should be able to caterer for your diet needs.

DD is organising this for her wedding with her caterer at the end of the summer so people who could not normally eat at weddings have a chance to share the fun.

If you need to keep stuff cool then ‘Packit’ snack/lunch bags are amazing (you freeze the whole bag like an ice pack and it basically acts like a little fridge).
It might be good if you’re taking things like veggie cocktail sausages. It would also mean you could keep some stuff in your room to have a more substantial breakfast if you don’t know what will be available where you’re staying.

If you want stuff for the day then my suggestion would be: oatcake ‘biscuits’ (the nairns coconut and dark chocolate ones are good) or cereal bars, protein bars/nut bars, and if you look in the baby food aisle there are dairy free yoghurt pouches which are shelf stable.
Your partner will probably also be able to supplement with at least some plain fruit/salad or veg/bread from the buffet. She’ll be going up anyway so it won’t be a big deal for her to grab an extra plate.

How close is the cottage? Could you pop back and eat on your own at some point during the day/evening?

Thank you-that is one thing I didn't think of and a good idea.

Thank you-I will try to keep it light when I eat something in the morning (which I'll also be self-conscious about but hopefully others will be eating too and again hopefully they won't be too vocal about what I am eating) and just not discuss that I probably can't eat anything at the venue, I don't want them to feel responsible or like I am a nuisance. I am such a late addition! Very much doubt the bride will notice, although when I met her she was doing a BBQ and she did have meat alternatives for me.

Could you take a bottle of Huel? It’s filling, vegan, doesn’t need to be refrigerated. It’s not for everyone but I find it handy for situations where I can’t eat a proper meal.

Yes, I think this is my best bet! I went out for drinks with friends recently, ate before I went (lunchtime ish) but didn't need anything else at all that day-so hopefully I can do that and last the duration. I will have some alcohol, but carefully! I appreciate people will be saying there will be salads etc but I will not last on leaves all day-and sometimes rolls are ready-buttered etc.

I think it might depend on the sort of buffet it is? If it's one of those 'beige' ones I've no chance! If It's 'real' food (I've seen both at weddings both often) there might be something, you might be right. It's just the guesswork, I don't know, partner doesn't either!

I love cooking, I will suggest that, thank you! I am self-conscious with eating with others but i am much better than I used to be.

I am definitely going, she really wants me there, and I am sure that for the most part it will be a good thing to do to integrate myself with them. I am honoured to haev been invited and will feel a bit of a killjoy at best, and risk ostracising myself at worst, if I do not go. But yes I did post, the thread helped and this is a different subject now.